Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky’s elegant farthouse feature about lesbo scissoring, made $315 million on a $12 million budget, so he’s earned himself the right to at least one esoteric period piece set in the world of renaissance calligraphy or whatever. Which is why studios were so delighted to have him onboard for Wolverine 2, a loser of an unwanted sequel for which they’d normally have to hire Joe Johnston or Stephen Sommers.  But no one really expected him to direct that.  Surprisingly though, the story he’s pitching now is perhaps the only kind more industry-trends approved than an unnecessary sequel of a second-tier comic book movie. It’s an epic adaptation (a “reimagination”, in dipsh*t insider parlance) of a royalty-free fairy tale.  Noah’s Ark, to be exact.

I’m told that town is tantalized by a package circulating with Darren Aronofsky directing. Noah, an edgy…

HE SAID THE SECRET WORD! HE SAID THE SECRET WORD!  (*turns on siren, runs around room with arms above head*)

…re-telling of the Noah’s Ark story. Aronofsky wrote a script that is getting a rewrite by John Logan [Rango, The Aviator, The Last Samurai, Gladiator, Any Given Sunday]. I’ve heard he wants $130 million [a huge budget -- Iron Man's reported production budget was $140m -Ed] to make it and that New Regency is eyeing a co-financing role.  It was described to me as a big fantasy epic, and an opportunity for Aronofsky to create a world. He’s very passionate about it and wants to make it [his ] next film. His move toward Noah comes after Aronofsky recently flirted with Exodus, the 20th Century Fox and Chernin Entertainment-produced telling of the story of Moses, his defiance of the Pharoah and delivery of the Hebrews from enslavement. [Deadline]

So, he was barely finished flirting with Exodus and already he’s tantalizing the whole town with his circulating (helicoptering?) package? Darren Aronosky sounds like a real slut.  But I’m excited for an Aronofsky-directed Noah’s Ark story.  Probably because of the image I get of Mickey Rourke giving his “I’m a broken down piece of meat” speech to a family of giraffes.

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(“Matthew, I need you to change your name…and that stupid face, alright?”)

Stop working on that sh–ty Boston accent already and listen up, because I’ve got Martin Scorsese movie news to curb stomp you with. The Oscar-jerking director is currently in talks to adapt author Brian Selznick’s children’s book The Invention of Hugo Cabret.

Story centers on a 12-year-old orphan named Hugo, who lives in a train station and must finish what his late father started by solving the mystery of a broken robot.[Variety]

Okay, I’m sold. Throw the phrases “lives in a train station” with “mystery of the broken robot”* and I can’t help but just hand you my wallet. Similarly, waving a gun in my face has the same affect.

The Invention of Hugo Cabret would reunite Scorsese with Graham King, producer of The Departed, working off another script from The Aviator scribe, John Logan. Sounds like a pretty solid roster for any film, despite the fact that the screenplay comes from a guy with two first names.

-chodin

*which coincidentally is also my girlfriend’s euphemism for when I can’t get hard.

(Aw, crap, more vampires?)
In case you haven’t been around lately, Ridley Scott has been attached to Brave New World, an Alien prequel, a Monopoly movie, Nottingham, and probably a couple of other projects I can’t remember.  “Ridley Scott” is the hardest-working name drop in showbiz journalism.  Anyway, he’s mentioned again today for yet another project.  Yadda yadda yadda death-row vampires.

[Gladiator co-writer] John Logan has been set by Fox 2000 to adapt “The Passage,” the Jordan Ainsley vampire novel being developed for Ridley Scott to potentially direct.

In the novel, terminally ill patients become healthy after they are bitten by bats in South America, and the government conducts secret tests on human subjects to see if the virus can cure illness. The result is an apocalyptic unleashing of bloodthirsty vampire test subjects that include death row inmates.

Ainsley — pseudonym for PEN Hemingway Award-winning author Justin Cronin — sold the book based on the first 400 pages and an outline, but the film adaptation awaited his completion of the book, which is nearly 1,200 pages. [Variety]

1,200 pages, huh?  That’s impressive, because I can barely manage a couple sentences about this.  Really, who gives a sh’t.