Sorry if I just spoiled “The Dark Knight” for you.
The Ministers is yet another ”inspired by true events” crime story set in New York. That’s amazing. Almost no movie or TV show ever fits that descript–*record scratch* Two John Leguizamos? Okay, I’m listening . . .
John Leguizamo gives a tour-de-force performance as fanatical vigilante twins, hell-bent to exact revenge for the death of their parents and brother. But their plans become undone when one of the twins becomes involved with a beautiful police detective investigating a series of murders. [Ed.- Of course he does.] ”The Ministers” features Harvey Keitel [Ed.- Of course it does.], as senior detective Joe Bruno, who takes police detective Celeste Santana under his wing. [Ed.- Of course he does.] Celeste (played with deep emotional range by Florencia Lozano) links the recent murders with the murder of her police detective father. [Ed.- Of course she does.] Celeste’s investigation and the twins’ vigilante actions begin to converge. [Ed.- Of course they do.] Detective Santana is restrained by her chief, [Ed.- Of course she is.] Captain Diaz (Wanda De Jesus). But the will to solve these crimes and find the link to the death of her father is too great and leads to an inevitable confrontation with the twins. [Ed.- Of course it does.] [LatinoReview]
This movie is every cop drama ever, but with two John Leguizamos. I can’t handle it. I’m turning in my badge and my gun.
IESB recently interviewed comic book artist Todd McFarlane at the Star Trek premiere in Tempe, and long story short, he told them he’s working on getting another film adaptation of his comic book Spawn made.
“Right now I literally have five offers on the table, everything from the big studios… to more where I’m leaning, which is more of a smaller budget – just keep it down, keep it dark, keep it grungy – I mean, I’ve got two teenage daughters, and I’m trying to come up with an idea that would get them and their dates to go to it. And it’s not a comic book movie, it’s just a scary movie, a creepy movie. …Think The Departed, but with something moving in the shadows.
…The problem is, if I go big, they’re only gonna let me produce it. If I go smaller they’ll let me write and direct it. Which is what I’m leaning towards, which is why I’m trying to get it small enough.”
Say what you will about the 1997 Spawn movie, directed by a guy who later went on to direct Garfield’s Fun Fest, I hope they bring back John Leguizamo as the scary clown guy. The only thing scarier than clowns is John Leguizamo chewing scenery. [IESB has video of the McFarlane interview, Leguizamo clip below]
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Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs has a new trailer, and since it’s an animated movie not made my Pixar, I’d normally give it a dismissive wank (or complain again that there are dinosaurs in a movie about the Ice Age) and carry on with my day. However, upon watching it, I was intrigued that Fox is now stealing gags from R-Rated comedies for their kid movies. Check out the chest-waxing shot at the 1:50 mark a lá 40 Year Old Virgin, and the trying-to-milk-a-male-animal joke at the 2:14 mark a lá Kingpin. Brilliant. If I’ve learned anything from those Gary Busey Public Service Announcements, it’s that it’s never too early to start teaching your kids how to masturbate a water buffalo.
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After the jump, I’ve got the full poster and trailer for Nothing Like the Holidays. Debra Messing accompanies her new husband John Leguizamo home to celebrate Christmas with his family and, ¡Ay Dios mio! They’re all Mexican Puerto Rican! (Seriously, does Hollywood have something against Mexicans? “Mexican” just has a nicer ring to it.)
I’m not gonna lie, despite the cheesy concept and horrible poster and the fact that it’s a Christmas movie, it doesn’t look that awful. John Leguizamo, Alfred Molina, and Freddy Rodriguez are all fine actors. But still, no Danny Trejo? He better show up during the climactic dinner scene.
“Deedju meess me, puto?”
*pulls out a shotgun and blasts Molina in the chest*
On one hand, I rarely put any stock in reviews from random people. On the other, I really enjoy it when Manny Shyamalan fails. In this case, my second inclination won out, perhaps because I’m such a hateful prick. Come with me and let’s savor the schadenfreude [it’s a word, look it up, smart people use it -Ed.].
A year or so ago, the script for "The Happening" (then titled "The Green Effect") came across my desk and, while it inspired a mixed reaction, I really thought it was step up from both "The Village" and "Lady in the Water" and more in-tone with "Signs". A straight-forward disaster epic on a human scale, "The Happening" seemed to be, from the script, exactly what Shyamalan needed to win back an audience and redeem himself. And on the positive side, I thought he couldn’t get much worse.
I was wrong.
"The Happening" is a terrible, terrible movie. I mean, it’s bad on an epic scale. It’s so bad that I can’t possibly tell you how bad it is without understating the point or making it sound like I’m picking on the film. But let me stress: this is not pent-up Shyamalan aggression or a desire to see him fail. This is bad in a jaw-dropping "they can’t really be serious, can they?" kind of way. The closest comparison I can draw is to Neil LaBute’s "Wicker Man" and, like that film, the only consolation I can offer potential theater-goers is that you might want to see it just to be in on the ground floor when the film gets its ass handed back to it. [Collider]
Like Neil LaBute’s Wicker Man, you say? Color me there the first night. …Just make sure you get the skin tone right, I don’t want to show up to this shit looking all ashy.
