FilmDrunkard Chodin was able to catch an early screening of I Love You, Man a while back, and was kind enough to write a review.  Why am I posting his and not that thing you emailed me from three months ago?  Probably because he’s funnier than you.  Sorry, I know the truth hurts, fattie. Again, to reiterate, I, Vince FilmDrunk, did not write the review below.

Really!? A Funny Movie Without Dane Cook In It: A Film Drunkard Review

Remember the last time you watched a decent movie? I know bro, Tootsie was soooo f–king long ago! Really though, right when I’m up on a stool in my closet, getting ready to hang myself using an Old Navy, khaki belt, I get invited to a screening of a movie that doesn’t leave you feeling as if a feral ostrich just sucked your dick [Editor’s Note: I don’t necessarily see why that would be a negative]. The oasis in this desert of Hollywood sh-ttiness I speak of is I Love You, Man , from writer/director John Hamburg.

I Love You, Man stars Paul Rudd in a “romantic comedy” about a soon-to-be married guy who comes to realize that he doesn’t have any male friends. To save further explanation, he’s “that guy”, the dude always hanging out with his girlfriend and her friends; friends who are always wondering when the f-ck the girls can have a night alone to talk about deep-dick pizzas and cervix douching.

As the wedding draws nearer, Rudd’s character becomes more and more desperate to find a decent best man, all while attempting to sell the estate of Lou “The Incredible Hulk” Ferrigno. Rudd attends a series of man-dates, eventually finding an accidental friend in a stranger (Jason Segel) who attends an open house at the Ferrigno estate. It’s at this point in the movie that an invisible hose extends from your theater seat and milks the funny from your anus. The moment Jason Segel’s character comes into play, it’s literally two hours of nothing but pure entertainment.

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I Love You, Man comes out March 20th, and the guys behind it want to make sure you’re hip to the “lingo” before you go into the theater and make an ass of yourself by assuming it was gonna be in your “grandma’s English.”  So they released these new posters, Pop a Squiznot, Totes Magotes, Dude Von Dudenstein, and Sweet Sweet Hangin.  Still the big question is: what the f-ck is up with Jason Segel’s hair?  He looks like… well, everyone I hung out with in eighth grade, actually.

[via IMPA, thanks to Guy Who Looks Like Thumb for the tip]