Perhaps hoping to top their ideas for the story of Moses in the style of the 300 and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Hollywood’s latest idea is to have John Cusack play Edgar Allen Poe, but set in an alternate universe where Poe is trying to stop a murder, rather than just marinating his insides with sweet, sweet booze.  Suggested title: “The Tell-Tale (*fart*)”

Based on an original script by Hannah Shakespeare (I kid you not) and Ben Livingston, The Raven is set in the last five days of Poe’s life, when a serial killer is running around Baltimore using Poe’s stories as the backdrops for his killings. Poe and a young detective have a ticking clock to outsmart the killer before he strikes again [sic]. V For Vendetta‘s James McTeigue will direct, and production will begin late fall in Serbia. [Deadline]

Is it just me, or does this sound like some kind of Encyclopedia Brown role-playing game?  “There’s a serial killer on the loose and you’ll need your knowledge of Edgar Allen Poe to outsmart him!  So put on your thinking caps and your Nic Cage wigs, but always remember: reading is fundamental!”

Sidenote: The war-torn Balkans sounds like a perfect stand-in for Baltimore.  Safer too.

I’ve already posted the red-band trailer, the green band trailer, the official teaser, the Thanksgiving Day clip and God knows what else for this movie, but now there’s a new one out and why the hell not. A lot of people on the internet are all “Wah, this looks like the same old corny 80s jokes,” or “Wah, it’s just another gimmicky premise,” or “Wah, my bones are becoming warped and pliant from lack of sunlight.”   But screw them.  It’s still called Hot Tub Time Machine, it still looks a lot like the Aspen Timeshare episode of South Park (which was awesome), and that’s enough for me.  Also, is it racist that I can’t help but compare Craig Robinson to Tracy Morgan?   It’s not my fault they’re both husky, hilarious black guys with back-to-back shows on NBC.  You just can’t help but notice some things, like how Puerto Ricans steal.

[hat tip: Collider]

(Totally not what I was expecting when I Googled “John Cusack Young Boy”).

After the jump you can watch the new red-band trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine, which has more swearing and nudity than my mom’s new boyfriend.   You can also see what Rob Corddry, John Cusack, Craig Robinson, and Clark Duke are supposed to look like in the 80s.  Not to mention some sweet John Cusack green screen action.  “Look, grandma, I’m driving a car lol!”  John Cusack probably has a ton of green screen experience after he was in 2012, and from the time he did that music video with Bangs.

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It’s hard to go wrong with a movie called “Hot Tub Time Machine”, but it’s nice to see they assembled a fun group of actors too.  I love Rob Corddry, but if he played Dane Cook or Matthew McConnaughey’s sidekick in a rom-com one more time, I’d… well, I’d throw a pretty big hissy fit, I don’t mind saying *takes drag of cigarette*.  Anyway, here he’s teamed up with Clark Duke, Craig Robinson (my favorite husky black man besides Tracy Morgan), and John Cusack (who’s hopefully not still being a dick to everyone like he was on the 2012 press tour).

The plot looks a lot like the Aspen Extreme episode of South Park.  They basically go back in time and then party like it’s an 80s ski movie.   Though if it were me and I had access to a time machine, I’d go back to when we were kids and molest all the girls who rejected me.  That way I could go back to the present and they’d either have low enough self-esteem that they’d go out with me or they’d be strippers.  Pretty much a win-win.

[via Yahoo]

RELATED ASYLUM POLL: What’s the most awesome movie title?

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