All right, first thing is first – we ain’t getting political here. I’m just reporting some movie news. That said, John Cusack is about to get all political on our asses. The star of Gross Pointe Blank and that terrible movie where he gets stuck in that hotel room and he can never leave and Samuel L. Jackson is yelling at him about it is developing a film entitled Rush, apparently about the life of bloated sack of wind radio mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh. “This is great,” said nobody, because this will only lead to a complete mess.

So why the hell would Cusack and director Betty Thomas even bother with this nonsense, Yahoo!?

Limbaugh is in the front ranks of colorful and provocative media figures. Earlier this year, Limbaugh called a Georgetown law student a “slut” and a “prostitute” on air for arguing to Democrats in Congress that health plans should pay for contraception.

Oh no he didn’t!

This week, the host mocked Republican New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie for his “bromance” with Obama after Christie praised the president’s response to the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

Bromance! Topical! But Cusack as Rush Limbaugh? That doesn’t make sense.

Cusack as Limbaugh isn’t typecasting, politics aside. Cusack is a slender, dark-haired 46-year-old, while Limbaugh is 61, balding and portly. But Hollywood’s makeup experts have probably had greater challenges.

Oh snap, Yahoo!. Oh snap, indeed. But the important question is, what does Yahoo! commenter Buckethead think about this?

John Cusak. Another piece of Hollywood garbage and communist.

Well said, Mr. Head. Well said.

I had a hard time coming up with a headline for the trailer for The Frozen Ground, because it has a few notable highlights. Among them:

• Vanessa Hudgens plays a stripper who writhes around on the ground waving her crotch at people. See? This is what happens when you make a teenage girl star in some wholesome family comedy for her entire childhood. See also: Elizabeth Berkley.

• Nic Cage barks at a dog. At least, I think it’s Nic Cage. Anyway, at about the 46-second mark, there’s someone off-screen barking at a dog, and since Nic Cage is in the movie, I assumed it was Nic Cage. The big question is, was it actually part of the script, or did they just bring the dog out and Nic Cage couldn’t stop barking at it it so they left it in the movie? You decide.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Raven, starring John Cusack, opens this weekend, and if you haven’t heard anything about it, the fabulously idiotic premise is that on the eve of his death, Edgar Allen Poe has to help police stop a serial killer who’s been referencing Poe’s stories in his murders. Why does a cranky old goth poet like Poe care? BECAUSE THEY’VE GOT HIS GIRLFRIEND, of course! Yes, it sounds like something Charlie Kaufman’s retarded brother Donald from Adaptation would’ve written. The review embargo was lifted today, and as you might imagine, the temptation for critics to make Poe puns was just too strong. By far the most common was a play on “Quoth the raven.” In my own coverage, I went with the kitschier but equally obvious joke “that’s so Raven.”

Here’s what we’ve got so far (I expect more to pour in as the day progresses, please email if you spot one):

Review: Quoth ‘The Raven,’ what a bore -AP

Quoth the raven: “Eh.” -Chicago Tribune

Quoth the raven “I’ve seen better”. -MeMovies

Quoth The Raven, “Ever Meh.” -Portland Mercury

Quoth the Raven, “Wait for rental.” -BlueNeurosis

Quoth This ‘Raven’: Ever-Bore -MSN Movies

Quoth the raven, “Go see something else.” -AP

Read the rest of this entry »

Ever since The King’s Speech, there have been more and more movies that seem more like unintentional parodies of Oscar movies than actual movies – The Iron Lady, Albert Nobbs, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. But Precious director Lee Daniels (have you ever seen the misspelled credits sequence in Precious? it’s f*cking MINDBLOWING) may have just raised the bar.

Longtime liberal activist Jane Fonda is set to play the revered republican Nancy Reagan in the movie “The Butler.” The Wrap has confirmed that the 74-year-old has signed on for the part.

(*bangs head on desk*)

The  historical drama is based on a story written in the Washington Post about a White House servant, Eugene Allen, who served eight presidents in the White House from Harry Truman through Ronald Reagan -— meaning plenty of chances for cameos from A-list actors.
The stellar cast may also include Forest Whitaker in the title role of butler Allen; Oprah Winfrey as Allen’s wife; and Liam Neeson and John Cusack as Presidents Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon. Mila Kunis has been mentioned for the role of Jackie Kennedy.
Going public with the news to drum up interest before all casting is a done deal could be a play for financing and distribution, which is also not finalized, according to Variety. [Yahoo]

Can we just give Lee Daniels an Oscar an exchange for a promise not to make this? He’s like the North Korea of directors. I wonder if we’ll find out that Nancy Reagan secretly had AIDS and an incest baby and couldn’t read. Maybe Gabourey Sidibe as the sassy Jamaican ambassador? “Ear me now – ya gwan take dem bandulu plane hout me bumbaclot hairspace if ya know what’s good far ya, BUH! BUH! Now whar me put me donut?”

Jane Fonda via jbor / Shutterstock.com

I don’t care whether this qualifies as news or not, because it’s awesome. It’s a picture of Hunter S. Thompson, John Cusack, and Johnny Depp riding around in a convertible with a blow-up doll.  Remember when Hunter took off to Las Vegas in search of the American Dream?  There was no need.  It was right here all along.  Right here in this picture.  Also, I know they stink, they’re expensive, they rot your teeth, they give you wrinkles, and they’re bad for you, but can any person honestly deny that cigarettes are really f*cking cool? [pic via IheartChaos]

ADDITIONAL NON-TIMELY TRIVIA: In a recent interview, Cameron Crowe said that in the boombox scene in Say Anything, the song John Cusack was playing was actually “Bonin’ in the Boneyard” by Fishbone.

John Cusack is playing Fishbone’s ‘Bonin’ in the Boneyard’ in the actual scene, but when we put the movie together, it didn’t work at all. He seemed like a crazed Fishbone fan who just happened to be outside her window.

Yep, that’s pretty weird.

Read the rest of this entry »