Jeremy Piven is on Entourage, which I try not to hold against him since he’s the only thing approaching good on that show.  He also stars in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, which he recently promoted by appearing on WWE’s Monday Night Raw at the Mohegan Sun Casino.  Accompanied by his sidekick Ken Jeong*, Piven announces the “lumberjack match” between John Cena and The MiZ, whom Piven keeps referring to as “Le Miz”.  Haha, it’s funny because no one there gets it.  And wait a second, isn’t The MiZ that guy from The Real World who everyone laughed at because he wanted to be a wrestler?  They actually let him be a wrestler?  Where have I been?  Oh that’s right, not watching “raw” wrestling.  Call me old fashioned, but when I hear “lumberjack match” I expect someone getting hit with an axe or f’d in the B.  Or at least some flapjacks.  Buttery, syrupy, muscular flapjacks, all laying on top of each other? Mm-mm, my stomach has a boner just thinking about them.

*additional trivia: who’s actually licensed to practice medicine)

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(He fills those gloves with Vaseline to keep his hands soft for Big Show)

If watching round-the-clock Michael Jackson coverage and reading the stories about a planned View-Master movie have brought you dangerously close to losing faith in humanity… you probably shouldn’t read the DVD charts.

The top-selling home video release for the week ending July 5 was 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment’s “12 Rounds,” an actioner that was one of the last films from the now-shuttered Fox Atomic division, launched two years ago to produce low-budget theatricals aimed at teens.  The film also managed to snag the No. 1 sales spot with estimated unit sales of fewer than 150,000 discs, according to Home Media Magazine’s market research department.

And yes, 12 Rounds was that movie starring a WWE wrestler that combined a they-kidnapped-John-Cena’s-wife plot with a madman-toys-with-the-police plot.  I think they may have even squeezed some torture porn in there.  Man, if that was number one, what was number two?

“12 Rounds” was followed on the sales chart by HBO’s season five TV DVD set of “Entourage,” which debuted No. 2 and sold nearly 87% as many copies as “12 Rounds,” albeit at a much higher list price. [THR]

Well sure, I can see that.  I saw an HBO first-look at Entourage the other day that said, “The boys are really growing up this season – Turtle has a girlfriend.”   It’s amazing, she likes shoes and hats too!  Oh my gosh, which A-list director should Vince work with next?  Let’s discuss this by the pool!  Haha, now Johnny Drama’s working on his tan.  Classic.

John Cena has a new movie coming out, and in a shocking turn of events, it’s being made by Fox.  Oh I know, I was as surprised as you are.  This time he plays a cop, which is a real stretch from his last role as a marine in… uh, The Marine.  In the last movie, terrorists kidnapped his wife and he had to get her back.  This time around, he accidentally kills someone else‘s wife, and as payback, the guy then kidnaps his wife and uses her to forces him into some Saw-like predicaments.  Oh, and did I mention the director is Renny F-ing Harlin (Die Hard 2, Deep Blue Sea, etc?

Jesus, can you imagine the pitch meeting?   “…Okay, okay, so it’s like The Marine… meets wrestling… vs. Saw …multiplied by Deep Blue Sea!”  Much cocaine was consumed, friends, I guarantee it.  And then?  Gun fingaz.

The new poster for Taken (click on thumbnail below for full size) has been released.  Like the trailer, it seems to focus on the “Liam Neeson is pissed” angle.  “I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT IF YOU DON’T LET MY DAUGHTER GO I WILL FIND YOU I WILL KILL YOU,” it reads.  Note the all caps and lack of punctuation.  It could be a clue.  Maybe Liam Neeson’s going to get his daughter back by sending the kidnappers some really nasty MySpace messages.  And by Liam Neeson, I mean of course neEZyP1MP~BiGEiRE^QuiG0n*$$Thow’DuPnummaWun.