"POW!"

A while back I brought you the news that arthouse (and FilmDrunk) favorite David O. Russell (who famously called Lily Tomlin a kunt) would be writing and directing a movie based on the video game Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune.  David O. Russell doing a video game movie?  Jeez, what’s next, one of the Wachowski Brothers gets a sex change?

Today, weird gets EVEN WEIRDER, as Mark Wahlberg has confirmed that he’ll star, and that they’re trying to bring on Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci, though getting DeNiro might be a long shot, what with his recent re-dedication to quality cinema like Little Fockers. (*gets stabbed in the boner*)

“David is one of the best writer/directors I’ve ever worked with,” Wahlberg told MTV. “The idea that he has is just insane. So hopefully we’ll be making that movie this summer.”
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Walhberg also confirmed rumors that Russell is writing roles for acting heavies (and “Goodfellas” costars) Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci. “I’m obviously in whatever David wants to do, but the idea of it is so off the charts: De Niro being my father, Pesci being my uncle. It’s not going to be the watered-down version, that’s for sure.” [MTV]

Now that I think about it, Mark Wahlberg being in this, if anything, makes it less weird.  I was wrong.  It’s just that I’d forgotten he was in 2008′s Max Payne.  Can you guys ever forgive me?  For forgetting about 2008′s Max Payne?

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This past week marked the 20th anniversary of the release of Goodfellas, and to mark the occasion, GQ put together an awesome oral history of the film cobbled together from interviews with the stars, cast, and crew.  Being the good Italian that I am, I read the entire thing while grabbing my crotch and stirring the Sunday gravy.  My girlfriend tried to put too many onions in there, so I yelled “Wassa matta wit you!” and slapped her upside the head.

Anyway, I urge you to read the whole thing, but here are some highlights:

Madonna almost played Henry Hill’s wife.

Producer Irwin Winkler says “Tom Cruise was discussed” to play the lead (among others).

“Ray Liotta: All I heard was that the studio wanted somebody else—’What about this?’ ‘What about Eddie Murphy?’”

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UPDATE: NY Mag told me not to use their photo (even though I essentially used it as bait to link their website, but whatever), so instead of a relevant shot of Helen Mirren, you can enjoy zombie corgi here, sent in by a FilmDrunkard. DO NOT STEAL IT OR ELSE YOU’LL BE HEARING FROM MY CORGI LAWYER!

Helen Mirren stars in Love Ranch opposite Joe Pesci (opening June 30th), and all I  needed to know about that was “Joe Pesci plays a pimp.”  But as if that weren’t enough, Mirren recently sat down for a feature in New York Magazine and took some pictures where you can kinda see her jugs (NSFW one here).  I wouldn’t recommend it for all 64-year-olds, but hey, it’s Helen Mirren (I suggest a Google Image search of her earlier work).  British girls could really give American ones a lesson on not being so uptight (hint, hint, Mom).

Mirren signed up to play Grace Botempo, the madam of a booming seventies Reno whorehouse in her husband Taylor Hackford’s film Love Ranch.  “Interesting” is probably underselling Grace. Diagnosed with cancer and frustrated with an epically sleazy husband (Joe Pesci), Mirren’s madam begins a hot love affair with a beefy boxer 30 years her junior, played with abundant smolder by Spanish newcomer Sergio Peris-Mencheta. “He’s got a fabulous big-animal thing in that sort of raw, brutish, ugly-beautiful way,” says Mirren, who shares a steamy, and, because it’s her, entirely plausible love scene with Peris-Mencheta. In addition, she makes d*ck jokes, stomps on the throat of a misbehaving prostitute, and presides over the brothel with such swagger that Pesci shouts, “Who do ya think you are, the queen of f*ckin’ England?”

Sold.  Look, you had me at “stomps on the throat of a misbehaving prostitute,” okay?  You can put your boobs away now, this isn’t Europe.

Ever since Joe Pesci pulled the ultimate pimp move in Casino, where Sharon Stone was mid-sentence and he just pointed to his junk and guided her head there, I’ve wanted to see more of Joe Pesci being a pimp. The sight of it just warms my greasy dago heart.  It appears Pesci will doing more of just that in Love Ranch (for which you can watch the trailer below), the new movie from Ray director Taylor Hackford.

Pesci and Dame Helen Mirren (a DILF if I’ve ever seen one) play Charlie and Grace Bontempo, the husband and wife owner of the first legalized brothel in America outside Reno.  Charlie brings a heavyweight boxer in from South America (Spanish actor Sergio Peris–Mencheta) to train at the ranch, and he’s soon putting his hot Latin love inside Grace’s mature, but still- steamy empanada (oh God, remind me never to use this euphemism again).  Meanwhile, Bai Ling shows up in the role she was born to play, Mute Background Asian Whore Number 5.   Anyway, it looks pretty good. I’m so excited I can’t stop grabbing my crotch and talking too loudly.

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