Today we have some brand new footage from Marvel’s Captain America: First Avenger, courtesy of Entertainment Tonight.  As this new clip illustrates, Captain America tells the quintessentially American story — boy grows up a spindly pussy, boy gets shot full of performance-enhancing drugs, boy becomes man, man kills Hitler.  It’s the American dream.  It personifies our own country’s journey, from upstart twink to jacked power top.  But even more so than the story, something about it seemed familiar…

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Marvel’s Captain America: The First Avenger (GRR, TIE-INS!), starring Chris Evans directed by Joe Johnston, opens July 22nd, and it’s probably going to suck, but if you watch very closely in this new Entertainment Tonight promo, you can see him throw his shield!  Haha, I love you, adulthood.  Shields are best known as defensive weapons, so Captain America’s go-to move is kind of the why-you-hitting-yourself of superhero moves.  It’s fitting.  That’s the way I’ve always thought America, as the world’s A-holey older brother.  Always giving smaller countries Predator drone noogies, just for the f*ck of it.

UPDATE: Now with brand new picture (right).

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First Avenger: Captain America is being directed by Joe Johnston, so it’s most likely going to be a disappointment, but we can all still be good internet nerds and pretend like it won’t.  That’s what my parents did with me and look how that turned out. Okay, bad example. Marvel has said the first trailer for the Avengers will be attached to either Captain America or Thor (which looks a lot more promising), and in the meantime, Entertainment Weekly posted this new picture of Red Skull.  Or should I say the APTLY NAMED Red Skull.  Believe it or not, that’s Hugo Weaving (The Agent from The Matrix) under there.  Jeez, with all those buckles and leather, this has to be the second gayest look we’ve ever seen on him.

Also, is that a Cthulhu belt buckle?  That’s hot.  Label that thing “steampunk” and you could make a fortune on Etsy.  I bet that’s his master plan. Super villain indeed.  See? I told you Nazis were fashionable.

(click for full size)

Meanwhile, the Cat Who Looks Like Voldemort is not impressed.

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Damn you, Marvel.  I dig up a movie about a dog in the mafia, which was about to be the internet’s next big thing, and they go and release a new superhero thing that will be all anyone talks about for the rest of the day.  Blog humbug.

Anyway, yeah, it’s the Captain America poster.  The film’s being directed by Joe Johnston, so it’s probably going to suck, but the poster allows me to pretend it won’t for a few minutes, and that’s about all you can ask.  Well done, poster designer guy, take the rest of the week off.  Still, a little somber, no?  I mean, I thought this was America.  Where’s his muscle car?  Shouldn’t he be shredding on a sax solo?

I also like how his suit has abs.  All my clothes have that.  Even my red,white, and blue snuggie.  I like to wear it around the house and pretend I’m a new superhero, “Caftan America.”  (more new-ish pics below)

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SuperheroHype dug up some more pictures from the Captain America spread (is it okay to call it a “spread”, or does that make it sound like a Playboy?) in the latest Entertainment Weekly, and in addition to the shot we already saw of Chris Evans in full costume from the cover, they’ve got a few more from inside the magazine.  Including this one of Chris Evans as Steve Rogers, who apparently rocked a baby smooth chest back in the WWII days.  Since this takes place in the 40s, I like to imagine Steve Rogers showing up to an old-timey barbershop, where a gruff-but-neat old man rubs a warm cream lather over his entire upper body and then lovingly, meticulously shaves him down with a straight razor while they talk about boxing.