Yahoo just dropped the new trailer for The Grey, from Smokin’ Aces director Joe Carnahan and Liam Neeson. The plot, and I stress, I am not making any of this up, is that Liam Neeson survives a plane crash, and wakes up in a frozen wasteland where he must use all of his skills in a fight for survival… AGAINST WOLVES!

“Hello, police? I think I’ve been incepted.”

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MSN (via ScreenCrave) just released the second half of that parachuting tank scene from A-Team that we saw last week (I guess there are slight spoilers, so don’t watch it if you’re gonna be a bitch about it).  This one starts after the tank loses two of its three parachutes (which minutes earlier managed to survive a fiery plane explosion).  And again, everyone seems to be high on PCP.

“Oh my God, we lost our parachutes, we’re probably gonna die!”

“Awesome!”

“COWABUNGA!”

“BOOM.”

I’m not exaggerating, Sharlto Copley actually yells “Awesome!” and “Boom!”.  But you know what?  I kind of dig it.  It was always going to be ridiculous, at least Joe Carnahan went big with it.  So much yelling though.  If I’d known that was going to be the case, I would’ve had some casting suggestions. More like the A-SCREAM, amirite?

(“AAAAHHHH!”  “AAAAHHHHH!!”  “AAAAHHHH!”  “AAAAHHHH!”)

There’s a new trailer out for the Joe Carnahan-directed A-Team, and this one seems specially designed for the person who saw the first one and said, “Hmm, not ridiculous enough.”  Besides more of the parachuting-a-tank-out-of-an-airplane-and-shooting-other-planes-with-it scene, we’ve also got:

• Liam Neeson as Hannibal pulling the old Shawshank Redemption trick… for a cigar.  Just buy it at the commissary, show off.
• “I ain’t flyin on no planes!” is now “Oh hell naw. I ain’t steppin foot on any type a aircraft.”  Well la di dah, looks like someone‘s dating an English major.
• Instead of BA saying “I pity the fool!’, he just has “PITY” and “FOOL” tattooed on his knuckles. …Right, because just saying the line would’ve been stupid.
• District 9‘s Sharlto Copley as Murdock tries to jump start a van with a defibrillator.  About which Hannibal says “My kind of guy.”  Aw, I love that electricity-ignorant f*ck.
• RAIL GRINDING DOWN A SKYSCRAPER, OOH WHA AH AH-AH!
• BASE jump to parachute snagged on the skids of passing helicopter.  You know they planned that sh*t too.

As you all know, I grip it and rip it and live life with a lot of flair on a daily basis, but even I might have to keister a couple Red Bulls to get through this.  Ooh, and I almost forgot: Brad Cooper shirtless.  I knew there was a reason I had that vaseline out.

[available in HD at Apple]

The A-Team movie just released a batch of new pictures from the movie, in case you’re one of those people who prefer their photos not projected in rapid sequence to create the illusion of motion.  I just wish we could decide once and for all whether keffiyah scarves are for hipster pussies or special forces guys so I can exercise my God-given right to punch hipsters without worrying about getting my trachea stomped.  As Nathan Hale famously said, “I regret that I have but two fists with which to punch hipsters in their stupid face.”

[via ComingSoon]

(This scene was so extreme Vin Diesel started skysurfing on it.)

I posted the crappy, bootleg version of the new A-Team trailer last week, but now the official version is up and you can see Rampage, Liam, Brad Cooper, and the District 9 guy in glorious regular resolution. It’s still a dopey concept based on a dopey show, but it appears they’ve done a great job updating the plot.  By which I mean OMG SKYDIVING ON A TANK, SO XXXTREEEME!!!  *Rockstar Energy Drink enema*

No one seems to know whether they won’t actually kill any of the bad guys like in the original.  One of them is wearing a gas mask in the trailer — tear gas and tranq guns instead of bullets, perhaps?   Maybe instead of killing bad guys, they just drug em up and date rape them.  Seems plausible.  I mean, they are driving around in a van.

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