In this tough economy, finding and keeping a job can be pretty tough for most people, but an independent Chinese organization that is totally not at all affiliated with the government feels your pain and that’s why they’ve created an exciting new opportunity for one enterprising soul. The organization Safety Alliance is hiring a Chief Pornography Identification Officer that will, according to the Daily Dot, work toward “establishing industry standards for internet safety, improving China’s internet usage environment, protecting netizens’ internet rights and interests.”

In other words, China, your porn is about to become a little scarcer thanks to some dude in a swivel chair pulling in $32K a year, as long as he can live up to these intense job requirements…

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In a stunning move for a movie with creative capitalization in the title that seems to be based on the idea that the star kind of looks like the subject, jOBS has been delayed indefinitely. If I was Ashton Kutcher, I’d be crying into a groupie’s boobs on my space yacht somewhere right now.

The release date of the Steve Jobs biopic that stars Ashton Kutcher has quietly been postponed. jOBS, which closed the Sundance Film Festival this year, had been set by Five Star Films and its distributor Open Road for April 19. It has moved off that date, and a new date has not been determined. Five Star made a service release deal with Open Road before the festival started, and the film’s backers were eager to release on the month that marks the 37th anniversary of Jobs founding Apple. They’ve found instead that there wasn’t enough time to prepare for a proper release and create buzz for the film. [Deadline]

Not enough time to create buzz, huh? Really? You can’t just release another picture of Ashton Kutcher sort of looking like Steve Jobs again? That seems to be working so far. For a movie starring a television actor from the director of Swing State written by an unknown writer and produced by a guy who makes real estate textbooks, I’d say it’s already gotten an INSANE amount of buzz. But from the reviews, it doesn’t sound that bad. Maybe it will end up as a TV movie, where it probably always belonged in the first place. Here’s a nice plot rundown, courtesy of the Telegraph:

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On Friday, we got to see the first clip from jOBS, starring Josh Gad as Steve Wozniak and Ashton Kutcher as Kelso Jobs, the team who founded Apple Computers in Eric Foreman’s Wisconsin basement. The clip had the town all a-buzz, with people who saw it raving, “We never had such interaction and roles” and “Our relationship was so different than what was portrayed.”

Okay, so that was just what Steve Wozniak said about it. Nonetheless, “jOBS” is probably going to be super good, because, Ashton Kutcher has been method acting so hard that he hurt himself, as he told USA Today recently.

Kutcher says that he started a fruit-only diet to prepare to play the Apple co-founder for the biopic Jobs, which premiered Friday night at the Sundance Film Festival.
The diet, which the film claims Jobs adhered to, ended up sending Kutcher to the hospital with pancreas problems.
“First of all, the fruitarian diet can lead to like severe issues,” Kutcher said after the film’s screening. “I went to the hospital like two days before we started shooting the movie. I was like doubled over in pain.
“My pancreas levels were completely out of whack,” Kutcher added. “It was really terrifying … considering everything.”
Jobs died of pancreatic cancer on Oct. 5, 2011.

If Ashton Kutcher isn’t a total idiot, the guy who transcribed that quote sure wants us to think he is. “Bro, my heart stuff was like, all like messed up!” “Your heart stuff? Wait, you mean your blood?”

This just goes to show you once again, method acting can be dangerous for those who only dabble. Remember when Jared Leto almost ruined his kidneys gaining 60 pounds to play Mark David Chapman? It’s not safe. You could hurt yourself and others. Leave the method acting to the pros, like Daniel Day-Lewis. Daniel Day-Lewis would’ve given himself pancreatic cancer to play Steve Jobs and cured it by playing an oncologist. A true method actor knows that method acting is about tricking yourself into believing things you know aren’t true in order to tell the truth when you’re lying.

Good news, unemployed people of New Orleans. There’s a brand new restaurant and bar opening on Bourbon Street in the coming months, and it’s offering so much more than tips and 30% off your meal. Starting yesterday, Saints & Sinners began hiring bartenders and servers, and if you’re not the hardest workin’, twerkin’, layin’ it down, flippin’ it and tip sharing playboy in the ho$pitality BIZNA$$$TY, then you shouldn’t even bother, because this is Channing Tatum’s very own restaurant and he’s only hiring the flyest boos, heard?

So what kind of place is Saints & Sinners? Let’s just say it’s way more Magic Mike than it is The Vow. According to the website (currently under constrizzlestruction)…

Is it a coincidence that I just booked a trip to New Orleans for November and C-Tates has a new restaurant opening on Bourbon Street? Probably. But still, this is the best coincidence of my life, because I just know that this will finally be my opportunity to challenge him to a dance off.

In the meantime, while little is still known about what kind of food this restaurant will serve, I was able to get my hands on an advance copy of the menu.

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As soon as Steve Jobs died, everyone wanted to make a biopic, including, reportedly, Aaron Sorkin, whose version will undoubtedly end with Jobs recanting on his death bed, sorry he ever helped inadvertently invent those meanie blogs (“No, seriously: I have a blog??!?”). Oh, but there’s another Steve Jobs biopic, independently financed by a guy who makes real estate textbooks and starring noted thespian Ashton Kutcher. It may or may not have been rushed into production to beat the other one, and oh, according to ScreenRant and CultofMac, the actual title is “jOBS.”

No way this is real, right? This seems less like a real movie than it does a hypothetical idea for a movie to use in an iMovie tutorial.  I’m counting down the days until a rights issue forces them to re-write Kutcher’s character as Steep Occupations, revolutionary inventor of the I-Mod. This is the Jackie Jormp-Jompest thing I’ve ever seen.

[pics via X17]