Review: The Master is a beautiful art film about boobs and farts

Written by Vince Mancini / 09.21.12

The Master is the latest film from Paul Thomas Anderson, critically-beloved auteur of Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch Drunk Love, and There Will Be Blood, a roman á clef about Scientology starring Joaquin Phoenix as a drifter named Freddy Quell that’s sure to be debated for years to come. For instance, is Quell more of a gas-huffing pussy lover or a pussy-loving gas huffer? It’s a rift that will tear apart families, pit brother against brother.

The Master is polarizing, because like Drive, it’s largely an atmospheric movie. There’s no real political or religious message that you’re supposed to take away from it, and it’s not a thrilling tale of plot-driven intrigue – you mean Xenu was really dead the whole time? Whoooaaaaoooaaa. There’s no scene where Phoenix’s character accidentally kills a townie and Philip Seymour Hoffman plugs him in the back of the head on a riverbank while telling him stories about all the tits and pussies on the planet Kolob – red ones and blue ones and green ones! – as an angry mob approaches. A writing teacher once told me that the heart of every story is people and place, and that’s what The Master is. It’s nothing so much as a meditative, rotating series of historical portraits – who are these people and what do they do? – mostly straightforward and matter of fact, without the fart-sniffing pop-psychology you get with most indie films. It’s more concerned with enjoying who Joaquin’s character is than trying to figure out what’s his problem. It’s beautiful to look at, and Joaquin’s snarl-lipped, sex-obsessed simpleton is endlessly entertaining. When I’m enjoying what I’m watching this much,  BUT WHAT’S THE ARTIST TRYING TO SAY!??! never much enters the equation.

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Okay, now I REALLY want to see The Master

Written by Vince Mancini / 09.10.12

As if my anticipation boner for Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master couldn’t get any more turgid and veiny, MovieClips just added this new clip to promote tonight’s 70 mm showing in Austin. The clip features Joaquin Phoenix as his character, Freddie, taking the old Rorschach test. And Freddie? Well, you might say old Freddie has a bit of a “one-track mind.” Here’s how he describes the ink blots:

“That’s a pussy.”

“That’s the part between the assh*le and the pussy.”

“That’s two ladies facing each other. With tits hanging down. And it looks like… there’s come dripping off of them.”

“That’s two women again. They’re holding their hands together. It looks like they’re covered in come.”

“This is a pussy. And an assh*le, the assh*le’s open.”

“Two women, touching each other’s pussies. You can actually see the pussies touching, right here.”

Well, you can’t spell Rorchach without “chach.” The Master was famously inspired by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, but according to Paul Thomas Anderson, Tom Cruise has reportedly seen the film and given it his blessing. Maybe this clip is a clue as to why. “Haha, you got me, Paul!” I imagine Tom Cruise saying, “That’s classic me! Always thinkin’ about the ol’ ‘poontang’, ha ha ha!” he probably said, laughing nervously and making quotes in the air with his fingers.

Aww!

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New trailer for The Master, which is still totally not about Scientology please don’t sue us.

Written by Vince Mancini / 08.28.12

Hawaiian shirt: Uncool. Hawaiian shirt while carrying gun: The coolest thing in the world.

It’s less than three weeks until the opening of The Master (September 21st, to be precise), and thank God, I can’t handle too many more stories about Premium Rush or The Words. There’s a new, presumably final trailer out, which you can watch below, structured in the sort of stylish stand-alone short film style to which we’ve become accustomed. And it’s still totally not about Scientology, you guys, we swear (pleasedontsuepleasedontsue…).

In the trailer, one critic of Schmienschmology (don’t know what else to call it) says at a party: “Good science allows for more than one opinion, otherwise you merely have the will of one man, which is the basis of a cult.”

To which Amy Adams’ character responds: “The only way to defend ourselves is to attack!”

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New Pictures from The Master, which is still not about Scientology seriously please don’t sue us.

Written by Vince Mancini / 08.14.12

"Hmm, well that one looks like a bat-- OH GOD WHY IS YOUR SKIN THAT COLOR?!"

Today we’ve got a new batch of images from Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master, and if these are any indication, two thirds of the film will consist of Joaquin Phoenix staring broodily out into the middle distance. Not that I’m complaining, no one brood-stares like Joaqy-P, I always say. Hey, remember not too long ago when he was wearing a cape and pooping on people? The guy’s got range, you have to admit.

Meanwhile, Philip Seymour Hoffman took the opportunity to remind everyone that his character is NOT L. Ron Hubbard and the film is NOT about Scientology, thankyouverymuch seriouslythoughpleasedon’tsueus.

“It’s not the L. Ron Hubbard story,” Hoffman told Entertainment Weekly in this weekend’s issue via C&V. “[Scientology] was one of the bigger movements at the time, but there were a lot of movements at that time. There’s nothing about how I’m behaving or talking that echoes [Hubbard]. I thought of a lot of other bigger-than-life personalities, charismatic people like Orson Welles. Joaquin’s character is like a beaten dog,” says Hoffman. “No matter where he goes, [Quell] gets into severe trouble. And somehow I’m able to deal with him.”

“Seriously though, there were lots of other movements. You know like, uh… you know, that one? With the dude? The hat guy? Guy who was always… wearin’ hats? Ol’ whatshisface? That was a crazy movement, huh? …It’ll come to me, gimme a sec.”

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Joaquin Phoenix licks window panes in the full trailer for The Master

Written by Vince Mancini / 07.20.12

How ’bout a brief respite from tragedy, shall we? The Weinstein Company just released a full-length trailer for Paul Thomas Anderson’s The Master, starring Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams in a story said to chronicle a fictionalized version of the origins of Scientology. Our handsome older brother site WWTDD points out that the Scientology questionnaire is about as close as they could get to the questionnaire in the film without just taking it verbatim. Scientology or not, I’m just excited to see Joaquin Phoenix do that creepy serial killer face where it looks like he wants to kill me and have sex with me at the same time for a whole movie.

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