This summer is packed to the tits with superhero movies, and I haven’t been all that excited about many of them, mainly because Captain America has Chris Evans running around in Old Navy baby tees and khakis, and everything we’ve seen from Green Lantern has been like watching paint dry on a Kenny G record.  My great white hope is and has been Thor (opens next weekend — already out overseas — directed by Kenneth Branagh, starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, and Anthony Hopkins, trailer here). With Viking Gods, odd comedy, and a Shakespeare guy directing, it seems so weird that it just might work.  Our latest clip comes courtesy Jaimie Alexander’s appearance on Kimmel last night, in which her character, Sif, stabs Destroyer, the shiny, fire-breathing robot thing, right in the throat.  IN! THE! THROOOOAT!  It’s a pretty short clip, but still worth a watch, especially for our favorite press tour cliché, which comes right afterwards.

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Continuing Jimmy Kimmel’s tradition of getting famous women to star in mediocre sketches, here’s Britney Spears doing the poo cocktail. |via DailyWhat|

MORNING LINKS

Who’s the Dim Bulb In South Carolina? |Uproxx|

Megacon Megagallery of Cosplay Pictures (Part One). |GammaSquad|

Revamp & Release: 7 Potentially Great Black Keys Remixes. |TheSmokingSection|

Do Your Worst, Hollywood: 20 Terrible TV Shows That Have Yet to Be Made. |WarmingGlow|

Erection, Your Onion! A Guide to Grotesco’s Swedish Gibberish Parodies. |FilmDrunk|

The most terrifying sleepy dog face you will ever see. |TheDailyWhat|

Police cut hole in house to remove fat guy who’d been fused to a chair, which he hadn’t left in two years. Wow. |BostonBarstoolSports|

Pop Songs Made Creepy by the Movies. |Moviefone|

Drunk lady is good at alphabet. |GorillaMask|

PICTURED: via Butttown

Lindsay Lohan looks a Faces of Meth PSA. |WWTDD|

There’s just something about Brooklyn Decker that I like, you know? |TheSuperficial|

Eating sushi off naked chicks banned in China.  Commies. |Buzzfeed|

What your MMO says about you. |HolyTaco|

Shocker, Glee creator will not direct Willow Smith’s Annie movie. |ScreenJunkies|

Beer Wars Review: Why We Drink Piss. |Pajiba|

The Internet: Being Creepy Since 1992 |EgoTVOnline|

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Here’s Jimmy Kimmel’s Twilight spoof, “Friggin’ Twilight,” starring the cast of Jersey Shore.  It’s Twilight-related.  It’s Jersey Shore.  It’s viral video.  Of course I’m going to post it. I ain’t allergic to cash money, y’all.  Plus, it’s pretty funny.  Some thoughts:

• I like how Snooki thinks she has to act in order to be obnoxious.
• That Sammi chick (her name ends in “I” right?  I’m just going to assume all the girls’ names end in I.) could not possibly be more of a complete waste of space.  I know you’ll say they all are, but a couple of them are reasonably charismatic.  But Sammi.  She is an empty vessel. I hear she has to bring a friend to the supermarket so those automatic doors will open.
• The girl who left in the first episode should not get to be a part of this phenomenon.  However, the way she takes her three seconds of acting time in this video and knocks it out of the park should probably be taught in acting classes.  I’ve chopped it to just that three seconds after the jump, in case you want to watch it over and over (recommended).
• Notice how they repeatedly reference their cartoonish Italian-American-ness and I never complain?  I’m still working on this theory and I’ll admit it’s a bit of a generalization, but I think it’s because of this: Only stupid people get offended.  People like to say, “But you don’t know what it’s like to be  mocked! You shouldn’t joke about that one thing I’m personally familiar with!”  And honestly, having now experienced it from this side, I think can safely say, “Who gives a sh*t.”  Being offended by jokes made at the expense of your race or whatever really just means you have too much time on your hands.  We get it, you’ve inserted yourself into a situation, congratulations.
• Hey, did you guys hear something about an oil spill, a financial crisis, a war and some general getting fired?  Crazy stuff.  Anyway, MORE TWILIGHT JERSEY SHORE PARODIES TO DISSECT, PLZ.  KTHXBAI.

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(“Gojira!”)

This video is 12 seconds long, is exactly what the headline says it is, and plays out exactly how you’d imagine it to.  And yet I’ve watched roughly 20 times now.  It’s kind of adorable.  Still, I find that what you want to look for in a mail-order bride is a girl who doesn’t spook easily.

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Christoph Waltz filmed a bit for Jimmy Kimmel live the other night, an old BBC piece on one of his earlier works, “Der Humpink.” It begins with a parody of the Trolololo guy, which was nice, but even through my own chuckling, I was thinking to myself, “Wait a second, wasn’t I promised humpink?”  Then, just as the thought crossed my mind, BOOM!  There’s the humpink.  I want “the humpink was not a metaphor” on my tombstone. Also, I made this sweet-ass gif:

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