A new trailer for Mr. Popper’s Penguins (in theaters June 17th!) has hit the web, which presents something of a dilemma for me.  Because, while my enthusiasm for Jim Carrey hamming it up for the camera has waned over the years, in conjunction with his typically-Canadian slide towards total insanity (see also: Aykroyd, Dan), my ability to watch penguins waddle around squawking and sliding around on their bellies like portly, tuxedo-ed drunks knows virtually no bounds.  HEE HEE! LOOK AT THEM WADDLE! (*claps hands*)

Now, while we could discuss the worst of the family comedy clichés on display here — the toilet-flush gag, the workaholic father, the flooded bathroom, a gratuitous dance scene, YOU’RE RUINING MY IMPORTANT BUSINESS MEETING! — I think it’s more interesting to note that the entire film can basically be boiled down into three frames:

Additional Note: There was a fart sound between the first and second frames. -via Comingsoon

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Serious question: When's the last time you saw a children's movie that DIDN'T have at least one dance scene in the trailer?

After the jump, you can watch the first trailer for Mr. Popper’s Penguins, directed by Mark Waters, starring Jim Carrey as a businessman who turns his apartment into a winter wonderland after he inherits a family of penguins. Carrey’s last movie, I Love You Phillip Morris, was shelved for almost a year and barely released in the US (100 theaters at its widest) over concerns that it was too gay for US audiences.  Which is pretty funny considering how hard everyone’s trying to rip off Glee these days.  After that debacle, you wouldn’t think a studio would be so quick to push Jim Carrey playing a character named “Mr. Popper,” but here we are.  I eagerly await the inevitable interracial gay porn parody, Amyl Popper Penguins.

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Now I realize this is going to sound farfetched, but apparently there’s more than just a few ways to burn through a large amount of money very quickly: purchasing excess amounts of black tar heroin, investing poorly in a sh**ty rapper’s vodka company, cramming all that money up a body cavity -or, if you happen to reside in Hollywood, you can always just grossly overpay the star of your next big (supposed) blockbuster. Yeah, that’s also a great way to get rid of a bunch of cash -but just how much money constitutes a bunch? Well, in an apparent attempt to answer that question (and inspire mass suicides everywhere) Forbes just released their 2010 list of Hollywood’s Most Overpaid Actors. You know, just to really help put into perspective how truly underpaid you are at your day job. And just to lay any rumors to rest, neither Nic Cage or Billy Zane made the list this year, sorry.

To formulate their list, Forbes first started with the 36 highest-earning actors from Hollywood. To qualify, during the past five years, each actor would have to have starred in, at least, three films that opened in more than 500 theaters. After this initial categorization, they then began to factor in various other details like penis length and bench press ability.

We used data gathered for our annual Celebrity 100 list to calculate each star’s estimated earnings on each film (including up-front pay and any earnings from the movie’s box-office receipts, DVD and TV sales). We then looked at each movie’s estimated budget [...] and box-office, DVD and television earnings to figure out an operating income for each film.

We added up each star’s compensation on his or her last three films and the operating income on those films, an divided total operating income by the star’s total compensation to come up with a return-on-investment number. The final number represents an average of how much a studio earns for every dollar paid.

Forbes fails to mention how many interns bludgeoned themselves to death with graphing calculators, during the research, but I can only assume the final count was north of ten.

Top 10 Overpaid Actors after the cut.

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The first time I heard Jim Carrey was starring in a movie called “I Love You Phillip Morris,” I figured, “Phillip Morris?  Why, that movie’s probably about smoking.”  As it turns out, Jim Carrey’s character in the film does love smoking. …PENISES!  HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, get it?  He likes smoking penises?  Seriously though, he’s gay.  Not sure if you caught that.

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Buried has a new poster out.  I’m offended that “‘Faux-artsy torture porn,’ -Vince Mancini, FilmDrunk.com” didn’t make their precious little list. And also that Ryan Reynolds is wearing a shirt.  For shame. [Collider]

Jim Carrey to star in Mr. Popper’s Penguins.  Mean Girls/Spiderwick Chronicles director Mark Waters will direct Carrey in an adaptation of the 1938 children’s book.  The contemporized plot: “a high-powered businessman suddenly inherits six penguins. As he gets acquainted with his winged roommates, Popper’s life quickly unravels: his swanky New York apartment is turned into a snowy winter wonderland, the deal he’s long been working on is derailed, and he almost lands in jail.  But thanks to his new charges, Popper comes to understand the importance of family – human and otherwise.”  Well that sounds like every comedy ever. “Damn you, penguins! (*record scratch*) You’ve covered my blueprints with snow! (*Trombone fart*) Now I’ll never make that important business meeting with the Japanese!(*sproing*)”  In related news, Tom Cruise has agreed to star in Amyl Popper’s Penguins, “as long as there are no gays in there.” |Deadline|

Maggie Gyllenhaal to star in Victorian vibrator drama. She’ll appear opposite Rupert Everett and Hugh Dancy in Hysteria, a romantic comedy about the London doctors who began treating “hysteria” (“a woman’s irritability, anger or unexplained tears”) with their new electrical device (replacing the previous treatment, a hearty throttling).  Before they could market it, the two would have to withstand a public smear campaign from Thomas Edison, who tried to demonstrate that their product was dangerous by vibrating to death an elephant’s vagina.  Which, coincidentally, is also the medical term for your mother’s condition. |Variety|

Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Adrien Brody rumored for the lead in Fantastic Four reboot.  Screenrant says Fox is looking at Meyers and Brody for the role of Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) and that Amber Heard is in the running for Sue Storm.  According to my sources, the film is still slated to screen as a Who Gives a Sh*t Channel exclusive.  In related news, I think I threw out my back dismissively wanking. |Screenrant|

USA Today debuts first picture from Ron Howard’s The Dilemma.  That’s the one that stars Vince Vaughn as a guy who finds out his best friend Kevin James’ wife is cheating on him, written by Allan Loeb, the guy who wrote The Switch and 21.  Oof. I don’t know how you could possibly make that sound worse.  Says USA Today: “Plus, a sibling cameo tradition continues: ‘Clint Howard has a nice turn.’”  (*screams, dives through plate-glass window*)