Today we’ve got yet another behind-the-scenes video from the set of The Expendables, Sly Stallone’s muscular-old-men-grunting movie with Schwarzenegger, Lundgren, Rourke, Li, Trejo, Statham, and Couture.  We get to see Sly doing some directing, and by directing I mean making gun sounds with his mouth, all while wearing that same v-neck/tight jeans combo he’s had on in every publicity photo so far.  He also has bulging neck veins and talks in a super growly voice, which I’m sure has nothing to do with taking massive amounts of steroids and HGH.  It’s perfectly normal for a 62-year-old man.  Why, just the other day my dad tore a phonebook in half and picked up my mom by her throat when she spilled his ensure shake.
Read the rest of this entry »

Stallone already has Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke signed on for The Expendables, but at one point he wanted Van Damme.  Van Damme, displaying his legendary choosiness with roles, turned him down.

“Stallone gave me a part in his next movie,” Van Damme told TotalFilm. “But I ask him about the subject, about the story. He said, ‘You’re gonna make lots of money.’ I don’t want to hear that, I want to hear what was my character. He was unable to tell what it’s going to be.”

He continued: “[Stallone said:] ‘You know, uh, well, the fighting will be good.’ [So I said:] ‘Sly, what is my character?’ So I didn’t do the movie.” [WorstPreviews]

Van Damme continued, “Do I time travel? Am I cyborg? A character from a video game?  A Shaolin monk? Do I play my own identical twin?  Look, I’m all for doing the splits and karate, but only if it’s tasteful.”

Sylvester Stallone called Harry from AICN this morning to report some new details about the already awesome-sounding The Expendables:

[Former] UFC Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture has been added to the movie’s cast, joining the already announced Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Dolph Lundgren.  Forrest [sic] Whittaker has also been cast in the film, which rolls this March in Brazil. Oh, and look for Jet Li to fight Dolph Lundgren.

Jesus Christ.  I might have to lift weights before I go see this movie. Naturally, I asked The Stath what he thought of his new co-star.

Oi, cunts, da Staf’ ‘eah.  Oi: so dey fink dis cunt’s some koinda foighta, now does dey?  Roight – punchin cunts is one fing, but da fit birds ain’ even gonna notice if ‘e ain’ got a propa sazz wagon or a BMX boicycle.  Aldough Oy must admit, Oy do loike da cunt’s shoiny fock’n sazz belt.  Oy should definitely get one a dose. Only problem wif belts is dat da birds is usually troiyin ta get moy trousahs down, not ‘old ‘em up, now doesn’ dey?

Given that Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables is already set to star Sly, Jet Li, and Jason Fock’n Statham, you might rightly wonder how it could possibly get more awesome.  Well bend over, Abigail May, because the cast may include DOLPH LUNDGREN.  Said Stallone at the Transporter 3 premiere:

INTERVIEWER: The Expendables, are you looking forward to that?
STALLONE: I’m so looking forward to that.  I think we’re getting close to putting Dolph Lundgren in it – it’ll be like a homecoming of tough guys.

And you know what happens at tough guy homecoming, right?  They get lit on punch, run a train on the homecoming queen, and murder an entire platoon of enemy brown people – ONE BY ONE, with knives and piano wire and punches to the face.  And then they blow up the whole goddamn school, just to show that weaselly poindexter of a principal that wars ain’t won with classrooms, or books, or wearing shirts. They’re won by MEN with GUNS, and KARATE!

*throws a baby into traffic, dives off overpass, speeds away on roof of passing semi*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..

[via CHUD]

**Fans face with hand** Omg omg omg… So Sylvester Stallone wrote a script? Called The Expendables? And he’s going to star in it?  Alongside JET LI AND JASON STATHAM!

Pic follows a team of mercenaries on a mission to overthrow a South American dictator. Lensing starts in February in Costa Rica and Louisiana. [Variety]

Holy crap, do you realize how many brown people are going to get murdered in this?  Sly’s gonna be injecting HGH into his thigh while Stath does a million pushups and Jet Li sits Indian-style and levitates, and then they’re going to PUNCH THE F-CK OUT OF EVERYONE.  It’ll be like The Dirty Dozen, except each character has the murdering power of four men. Kung Fu!  Shirtlessness!  Garrotes!  …Cue super slo-mo cam!

**Crashes through window on motorcycle and speeds away, cackling maniacally**