Hey!  You know what’s awesome?  Musicals!  Know what else is awesome?  Remakes!  Know what else?  Grease!  OMG I love Grease!  I love the music, shlammalammalammalamama dinga dee durp, LOL!

I know! Let’s do a remake of Grease, which already had a shitty sequel and is basically a remake of West Side Story, which was basically a remake of Romeo and Juliet, which was an old story even when it was written!  People love recycled crap!  With singing!

Michelle Pfeiffer tells News.com.au that she’s been offered a part in a remake of the classic 1978 musical Grease.
Michelle says there’s an older part for her in the film and she thinks redoing it is a great idea. A much better idea than Grease 2, which she also starred in and now hates. She says, “I hated that film with a vengeance and could not believe how bad it was. At the time I was young and didn’t know any better.”
She says they may want to get Jessica Simpson for the role of Sandy, and believes Jessica would be good. [CB]

I know I bandy (that’s right, I said ‘bandy’, what of it?) the word "hate" around a lot on here, but truly, nothing comes close to how much I loathe Grease. I hate Grease more than the holocaust. I hate Grease more than death, cancer, war, Nancy Grace, STDs, prudes, and Blue Collar Comedy put together. 

And Jessica Simpson?  …No. This had to be a joke.  In fact, I know it was.  Because if she was serious, the interviewer would’ve beaten her to death with a shoe.  And then s/he would’ve gone home and puked bile and sprayed blood from his eyes for 8 hours straight – not because of guilt or the sight of Michelle Pfeiffer’s brains on the sidewalk, but because he couldn’t get the image of a Grease remake with Jessica Simpson out of his head.