JIMMY KIMMEL & JERSEY SHORE CAST IN ‘FRIGGIN TWILIGHT’

06.24.10 Written by Vince Mancini

Here’s Jimmy Kimmel’s Twilight spoof, “Friggin’ Twilight,” starring the cast of Jersey Shore.  It’s Twilight-related.  It’s Jersey Shore.  It’s viral video.  Of course I’m going to post it. I ain’t allergic to cash money, y’all.  Plus, it’s pretty funny.  Some thoughts:

  • I like how Snooki thinks she has to act in order to be obnoxious.
  • That Sammi chick (her name ends in “I” right?  I’m just going to assume all the girls’ names end in I.) could not possibly be more of a complete waste of space.  I know you’ll say they all are, but a couple of them are reasonably charismatic.  But Sammi.  She is an empty vessel. I hear she has to bring a friend to the supermarket so those automatic doors will open.
  • The girl who left in the first episode should not get to be a part of this phenomenon.  However, the way she takes her three seconds of acting time in this video and knocks it out of the park should probably be taught in acting classes.  I’ve chopped it to just that three seconds after the jump, in case you want to watch it over and over (recommended).
  • Notice how they repeatedly reference their cartoonish Italian-American-ness and I never complain?  I’m still working on this theory and I’ll admit it’s a bit of a generalization, but I think it’s because of this: Only stupid people get offended.  People like to say, “But you don’t know what it’s like to be  mocked! You shouldn’t joke about that one thing I’m personally familiar with!”  And honestly, having now experienced it from this side, I think can safely say, “Who gives a sh*t.”  Being offended by jokes made at the expense of your race or whatever really just means you have too much time on your hands.  We get it, you’ve inserted yourself into a situation, congratulations.
  • Hey, did you guys hear something about an oil spill, a financial crisis, a war and some general getting fired?  Crazy stuff.  Anyway, MORE TWILIGHT JERSEY SHORE PARODIES TO DISSECT, PLZ.  KTHXBAI.

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MICHAEL CERA & JWOWW FROM JERSEY SHORE

01.04.10 Written by Vince Mancini

JWoww-michaelCera

After the jump, watch five new short vignettes from Youth in Revolt, starring and introduced by Michael Cera.  I’ve been sold on this movie ever since the red-band trailer, so I won’t be watching any more promotional clips before the movie comes out.  Out of respect to people like me, I’m putting this picture of Cera eating pizza with Jersey Shore’s JWOWW (is that the correct number of W’s?) courtesy of Videogum on the main page.  I can only assume they’re having a contest to see who’ll be the first to get a mouthful of grease and Italian sausage.  OH!  Fuggeddaboutit!  Yeah?  So’s ya motha, jerkoff.  *grabs crotch, drives off in cab*

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THE GUIDO BEACH OF YESTERYEAR

07.02.09 Written by Vince Mancini

One of my favorite YouTube videos of all time has to be Guido Beach, the landmark anthropological study of the douchebag and douchette in their natural habitwat.  Recently, Flubby over on KSK dug up this classic video (watch it below), a compilation of clips from the 1994 documentary Wildwood, NJ, which is basically like Guido Beach but with worse hair and stupider clothes.  Some of my favorite moments:

  • :30 mark. Big-haired brunette says, “You ask me?  Women always got a strike up on men. We got our bodies. If we keep in shape. And (pointing at vagina) we always got. that. check. to. cash.”  I imagine a guy coming up to her and being like, “Eh, oh, I’d like ta cash dat check. …WIT MY CAACK!”  *grabs crotch*
  • 2:00.  “I haven’t been in a fight for a while.”  (long wistful pause)  “‘Cause my boyfriend won’t let me fight.”
  • 2:32. “I put some girl in da hospital.  She’s still there actually.  She tried to mace me inna face.”
  • 3:40.  (same girl) “I put some girl in da hospital and she ended up dyin.  …Because she had a gun to my back, and I beat her up really bad.”

Ahh, Jersey, don’t ever change.  This should be the new New Jersey tourism video.  “New Jersey: Everyone has white trash, but ours is the greasiest.”

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