[via Screen Junkies]

MORNING LINKS
Lincoln Review: Spielberg’s best movie in years, but is it any good? |Film Drunk|

Frotcast 125: Laremy on Lincoln, Angry Butterscotch Lady Meets David Lee Roth |Frotcast|

I think we found Jeremy Renner’s spirit animal. [via Humor Train]

Another friendly reminder that Vince will performing tomorrow at the Punch Line |Events|

25 Reasons Why Jennifer Lawrence Thinking She’s ‘Obese’ Is Ridiculous |UPROXX|

‘SNL’ Recap: Anne Hathaway And Rihanna |Warming Glow|

Meet Don Martini, The Totally Sane, Awesome Retiree Who Built His Own
Giants Stadium |With Leather|

5 Reasons Bond Should Go Sci-fi Again |Gamma Squad|

Conan O’Brien Considers A Wes Anderson-Directed “Star Wars: Episode VII”
|Smoking Section|

And I Dub Thee Unforgotten |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

I like girls because squishy |theChive|

The Ten Theme Songs Anyone Born In The 80s Must Know My Heart |Buzzfeed|

Mitt Romney Cancelled Campaign Staff’s Credit Cards During His Concession
Speech |The Superficial|

007 Behind-the-Scenes Facts About Skyfall |Mental Floss|

PETA Target Honey Boo Boo In Chicken Naming Scandal! |Videogum|

Aubrey Plaza’s Breakthrough Career Moment? |HuffPost Comedy|

Farts in Italian |Holy Taco|

Here’s Why Cory and Topanga Will Do The “Boy Meets World” Sequel |College Humor|

Justin Bieber Gets an A for Effort |IDLYITW|

8 TV Actors Who Are Ready For The Big Screen |Unreality|

Why MTV Doesn’t Play Music Videos Anymore |Clip Nation|

Ever wonder what Jennifer Love Hewitt would look like dressed as a man?
On second thought, probably not. |Fark|

Why Do All the Best “Bond Girls” Have All the Best Worst Names? |Pajiba|

Here Are 20 Photos of Model Barbara Palvin, Rumored to Be Justin
Bieber’s New Love Interest |Brobible|

Sony Music Timeline |High Definite|

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“The beast with two backs,” get it?

When I first heard about Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, a movie about a grown-up Hansel and Gretel who go around shooting witches, from Will Ferrell’s production company and the director of Nazi zombie movie Død Snø (Tommy Wirkola), I thought it sounded like a perfect parody of the “dark fairy tale” trend – see Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, The Raven, et al. Hell, it was so accurate a parody, Michael Bay’s production company announced plans for a dark Hansel and Gretel movie around the same time. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters stars Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, and was originally scheduled for release March, 2012, which has since been pushed to January 25th, 2013. The red-band trailer is below, and my parody assumption may have just been wishful thinking, because it seems schlocky, but mostly pretty straightforward.

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It was 2009 when we first heard about Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, a film starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, whose plot you can guess from the title. If it was a Michael Bay or Paul WS Anderson production I’d say it sounded like the worst thing ever (and Michael Bay did indeed want to make a gritty Hansel and Gretel movie at one point), but when it’s Will Ferrel and Adam McKay’s production company Gary Sanchez producing a film by Tommy Wirkola (of Død Snø fame), you hope that it’s well-directed satire. Of course, Hollywood has a way of turning a send-up into a straightforward movie about the thing you were trying to send up (The Change-Up, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter). You can decide whether that’s happened with Hansel after the jump. It looks slightly more tongue-in-cheek than Abe Lincoln Vamp Hunter, but not overtly comedic either, and the fact that it’s being dumped into theaters in January seems to indicate that the studio doesn’t think too highly of it. But Karl Hungus gets head butted in it, so there’s that.

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I’ve always considered the Bourne movies to be basically two-hour, network TV procedurals with more annoying cinematography, but now that the Bourne Legacy trailer has Jeremy Renner doing a sick rail grind  on his dirt bike with a chick on the back the whole time, perhaps I owe them another look. Motherf*cker’s collar doesn’t even come unpopped! The only thing that could make this cooler is if he was doing that sunglass-rail grind move at night. Though if I find out that the back of his jacket doesn’t say “If you can read this, the bitch fell off,” I’m demanding a refund. OOOH WAH-AH AH-ATCH THIS, YOU GUYS!

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MORNING LINKS
Exclusive: Even More Storyboards From Channing Tatum’s ‘White House Down’! |Film Drunk|

12 TV Stars We Love in 12 Movies We Hate |Warming Glow|

Pic via

20 Panels Of Archie Out of Context |Gamma Squad|

M.O.B.: Seven Steps To Saving Money At The Strip Club |Smoking Section|

Patton Oswalt And Marc Maron Livetweeted Their Chance Encounter On A Plane |UPROXX|

Nick DiChiara’s Long Snap Trick Shots Are Awesome, Impossibly Coordinated |With Leather|

Of Course John Mayer Uses ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ To Pick Up Chicks |TheSuperficial|

Let’s See How Donald Glover Performed On “Hip Hop Squares” |Buzzfeed|

What Causes Eye Floaters? |Mentalfloss|

Chris Brown Siri Ad |College Humor|

5 Cliches That Stand Up Comedians Need To Retire |HolyTaco|

Vince Vaughn And Chris Parnell Ambush Conan |HuffPost Comedy|

Tracy Morgan Says He’s Khloe Kardashian’s Father |IDLYITW|

The evolution of videogames, as seen in 28 movie cameos |Fark|

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Johnny Depp Is A Comanche Now |Videogum|

Rapper Krispy Kreme is Back with a New Track |TheDailyWhat|

Five Moments That Prove Batman Is As Insane As The Joker |Unreality|

Wes Anderson’s 10 Awesomest Characters |ScreenJunkies|

This Video of a Slinky on a Treadmill Is Surprisingly Epic |Brobible|

Banksy Site Updates |High Definite|

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