Miley Cyrus is set to star in So Undercover [originally titled "I'm Like, Sooo Undercover"], a harrowing tale of an 18-year old girl who looks like she’s 15, playing a private investigator who infiltrates a college sorority in order to solve the case of the experimental friendship. And while I may have made that last part up, it would be the only saving grace of an otherwise unoriginal and annoying idea.

But Miley’s sleuth masterpiece has a cast now, as she’ll be joined by Mike O’Malley of Glee and that one show from CBS with that other forgettable comedian, and Jeremy Piven. O’Malley will play Miley’s father (Miley O’Malley… LO’L!) while Piven will play a guy who desperately needs to sit down with John Cusack and figure out what’s going on before it’s too late.

Move some hair from my butt to the front of my head, Variety…

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Here’s Malibu’s Most Wanted, Jeremy Piven explaining his totally-not-bogus-sounding mercury poisoning story to Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, who totally doesn’t seem like a giant kiss-ass the whole time.  And then at 6:33, Peter Travers asks J-Piv to sing, but J-Piv raps instead because “that’s what I grew up on.”  Woof.

Here’s a new clip of Angelina Jolie in Salt.  You’ll never believe this, but she plays a street-wise spy on the run from a government that may have double crossed her, and she’ll need all her skills to survive.  Hmm, are we sure America is ready for a film like this?  It seems ahead its time. |Yahoo Movies|

Mel Gibson hates Mexicans now too.  “I will report her to the f**king people that take f**king money from the wetbacks,” is what he reportedly said this time.  “MIRA, THERE’S ESOMEONE DRESSED LIKE UNA PEEG?” the ranchero accordion store manager reportedly said upon hearing Mel’s report.  More importantly, The Mighty Fek’lhr just made this new LOL Mel which I found delightfully disturbing. Yes, the crazy eyes are strong with that one. |HuffingtonPost|

Rumors of Bond’s demise have been greatly exaggerated.  Sort of.  Daniel Craig and Sam Mendes say they remain “attached to the project“, though that doesn’t mean a whole lot until MGM can actually make the movie. MGM is in debt and needs a buyer, and Bond remains tied to MGM because MGM kind of needs it to attract a buyer. So basically, it’s on hold indefinitely until someone buys MGM, just like it had been.  I hear rumblings about someone looking to buy MGM, but nothing concrete yet. Hold on, I hear another rumbling… (*fart noise*)  [Deadline]

Some new kid I haven’t heard of has been cast as Beast in X-Men First Class. You can read all about it in my upcoming book, “Blah Blah Blah Who Cares.” |SlashFilm|

Janeane Garofalo says Brazilian waxing is part of a “national myth.” (Obvious line: in related news, Janeane Garofalo is still alive.)  “It couldn’t possibly be true that there are a lot of guys who find adult females with genitals that look pre-adolescent that attractive,” she said. “If they do, that’s a problem. I think it’s a national myth that we have all gone along with for some reason.”  You’re right, Janeane, I have fascist, pedophilic tendencies because I also prefer pre-adolescent-looking armpits, legs, eyebrows, and upper lips, and I even like it when women wear deodorant so that they can smell like my marginalized, objectified, pre-adolescent playthings.  But hey, you know what’s not a national myth? Janeane Garofalo has a super hairy p*ssy.  |Celebitchy|

Despite the fact that he’s best known for being on Entourage, I never disliked Jeremy Piven.  I enjoyed his bit part in Grosse Pointe Blank, and even on Entourage, he’s probably the only even vaguely interesting character .  But now we’re free to hate away, because apparently he’s a huge prick.  From a recent (always awesome) Adam Carolla podcast (this part’s about 59 minutes in):

ADAM CAROLLA: There’s so many douchebags in this town.  Can’t we just start calling the douchebags the douchebags?

GUEST DAVE DAMESHAK: Why don’t you?  Start naming names right n–

ADAM: Jeremy Piven.  Every time I say to somebody — photographers, people who set up stereo equipment, hair and makeup people –  “Who’s the biggest douchebag you ever worked with?”  Jeremy Piven.  It just comes flying out of their mouth.  Universally.

DAVE:  It’s amazing! I used to sling drinks in a bar in Evanston where his parents had a theater, and this was like 10 years before anybody new who he was when he was doing bit parts in John Cusack movies, and everybody would go out of their way to say what a terrible person he was.  I’ve never heard anybody say “Oh he’s a nice guy.”

So there you have it, folks, we’re now free to hate Jeremy Piven.  But because I don’t want this site to be all negativity and the cooling spring of hate that washes over my gills keeping me alive, it should also be noted that there’s a similar universal agreement on the best guy in Hollywood.  That’s right, Bruce Greenwood.   I heard Bruce Greenwood was once filming a movie in St. Louis, and he could tell something was bothering the makeup girl.  When he asked her what was wrong, she told him about her daughter’s degenerative heart condition.  Bruce Greenwood was so moved, he shed a tear right there in the empty lot.  Wouldn’t you know it, the next morning a beautiful rose bush, her daughter’s favorite flower, bloomed in that very spot, even though it was the dead of winter.  True story, ask anyone.

This is a new red-band clip from The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, featuring Jeremy Piven, Gina Gershon, Will Ferrell, and a backpack full of dildos and lube.  Also, Will Ferrell is dressed like Abe Lincoln.  Though for some reason he’s sporting a mutton-chop-sideburns combo, which, although sweet, differs from Lincoln’s well-publicized preference for an Amish-style chin strap.

I’m not sure how feel about The Goods, which opens this Friday.  It looks like your standard Will Ferrell-Adam McKay comedy, which is less a movie than a collection of ad-libs and improvised sketches.  It’s a movie I’ve probably already seen a few times, and I wish they’d take the time to re-write and shoot scenes after they chance upon something funny during improv, but then, I can’t fully argue with Abe Lincoln and dildos raining from the sky.  It’s a dilemma as old as time.

[via ScreenJunkies]

Jeremy Piven is on Entourage, which I try not to hold against him since he’s the only thing approaching good on that show.  He also stars in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, which he recently promoted by appearing on WWE’s Monday Night Raw at the Mohegan Sun Casino.  Accompanied by his sidekick Ken Jeong*, Piven announces the “lumberjack match” between John Cena and The MiZ, whom Piven keeps referring to as “Le Miz”.  Haha, it’s funny because no one there gets it.  And wait a second, isn’t The MiZ that guy from The Real World who everyone laughed at because he wanted to be a wrestler?  They actually let him be a wrestler?  Where have I been?  Oh that’s right, not watching “raw” wrestling.  Call me old fashioned, but when I hear “lumberjack match” I expect someone getting hit with an axe or f’d in the B.  Or at least some flapjacks.  Buttery, syrupy, muscular flapjacks, all laying on top of each other? Mm-mm, my stomach has a boner just thinking about them.

*additional trivia: who’s actually licensed to practice medicine)

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