Along with Eagleheart, Children’s Hospital, co-written and executive produced by Hot Wet American Summer director David Wain, is probably one of the funniest shows on TV that you aren’t watching. So you can imagine how excited I am that Wain has a movie coming out called Wanderlust, starring Paul Rudd, reuniting the team that gave us (among other things) this:

Are you watching the trailer already? You should be watching the trailer.

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Forbes recently released their list of Hollywood’s ten highest-paid actresses and– AW GOD DAMMIT, KATHERINE HEIGL?! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!? (*kicks puppy*) Aaaanywhoo, Sarah Jessica Parker, everyone’s favorite punching bag (horse jokes in the comments in 3, 2…) landed in the top spot, tied with Angelina Jolie at $30 million.  Rounding out the list are some other actresses you probably don’t like and Meryl Streep, a national treasure. Bash Reese Witherspoon all you want, but if you badmouth Dame Streep I will fight you.

1. Angelina Jolie, $30 million
1. (tie) Sarah Jessica Parker, $30 million
2. Jennifer Aniston, $28 million
2. (tie) Reese Witherspoon, $28 million
3. Julia Roberts, $20 million
3. (tie) Kristen Stewart, $20 million
4. Katherine Heigl $19 million
5. Cameron Diaz, $18 million
6. Sandra Bullock, $15 million
7. Meryl Streep, $10 million

Parker hasn’t strayed far from her association with fashion-lover Carrie Bradshaw from the hit TV show Sex and the City. In 2010 she starred in the second Sex movie, which earned $290 million. She’s designing clothes with Halston and she has a line of best-selling fragrances, including NYC, which brought in $18 million in 2010.
[Forbes]

That Kristen Stewart and Cameron Diaz make the list is obnoxious, but not as bad as Katherine Heigl. During the period Forbes examined to create their list, May 2010 to May 2011, Katherine Heigl made two movies, Killers, with Ashton Kutcher, which barely broke even, and Life As We Know It, with dynamic firebrand Josh Duhamel, which, surprisingly, made a decent amount of money. Those Rotten Tomatoes scores were 11% and 28%, respectively. I have to assume she made most of her money on Grey’s Anatomy residuals. Since that’s the show that introduced us to fecal transplants… I suppose the world does owe her a debt of gratitude. Not a $19 million debt, certainly, but… well, at least Kate Hudson didn’t make the list.

In the interests of full disclosure, I had a headline and screencap about Colin Farrell’s combover all set to go when I saw Jennifer Aniston in her underpants deepthroating a banana. Realizing I’m not allergic to cash money, I posted that instead. In any case, Warner Brothers just released the trailer for their July comedy Horrible Bosses — GEE, I WONDER WHAT THAT’S ABOUT! SQUIBBETY BLABBETY DOO!  It comes from King of Kong (and, uh.. Four Christmases…) director Seth Gordon, and stars Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, and Jason Bateman as three guys plotting the murder of their horrible bosses, played by Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and Colin Farrell’s combover.  I don’t know if there’s a contest in Hollywood to see who can come up with the most boring, linear premise, but I do enjoy the actors involved. Maybe not enough to deepthroat a banana, but they seem nice.

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Yesterday must’ve been crappy movie trailer day, because after I posted Yogi Bear and Big Momma’s House 3, Adam Sandler’s latest film, Just Go With It hit.  So how do you make a crappy Adam Sandler comedy better?  Bring on the guy who wrote I’m Like Sooo Undercover and that one about the evil Jason Bateman doll to turn it into a more “commercial” rom-com.  Chick movies!  Adam Sandler movies!  Together!  This could make a billion dollars!

Anyway, the plot is, Sandler uses fake families to get laid, but when he finally meets a girl he likes, he needs his best friend Jennifer Aniston to pretend to be his wife so that they can get a fake divorce.  Jennifer Aniston with a male best friend?  Gosh, I wonder how this will turn out. I enjoy that they put Sting’s “Doo doo doo, da da da, is all I want to say to you,” on the trailer soundtrack.  I think this script took less time to write than those lyrics.

(On the plus side, I made you this Brooklyn Decker gif. She’s bouncy. Click to animate.)

Remember when your mom was on welfare and your family couldn’t afford real Fruit Loops, so you had to buy those “Fruit Rings” that came in a big trash bag?  According to Forbes, Shia Labeouf is that fruit ring.  He tops the list of actors who offer the biggest box-office returns for their price.  Hiring him is like getting a four-finger discount*.  Here’s the list:

1. Shia LaBeouf – $81
2. Anne Hathaway – $64
3. Daniel Radcliffe – $61
4. Robert Downey Jr. – $33
5. Cate Blanchett – $27
6. Jennifer Aniston – $21
7. Meryl Streep – $21
8. Johnny Depp – $18
9. Nicholas Cage – $17
10. Sarah Jessica Parker – $17

The numbers mean Shia Labeouf brings in $81 for every dollar that he’s paid.  Of course, a lot of his value comes from a movie like Transformers 2, where he could’ve been replaced by an upturned broom with a smiley face drawn on it in crayon and it still would’ve made $300 million.  Don’t ask me why.  I think it’s some kind of retard magic.
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