Cinematical discovered these, so I’ll let them take it away…
So now there’s not only a sparkly Twilight sex toy, but two Twilight naughty knock-offs. First there was Twilight of Virginity (shot in the home of Nikki Sixx!), and now there’s a new one called This Isn’t Twilight: The XXX Parody coming your way October 15th, just over a month before Twilight: New Moon.
The real question is, who are these marketed to? Even the grown-ups who enjoy the Twilight franchise say that the fun is because of the way it portrays high school crushes — yearning, unconsummated, and most certainly virginal, especially in the case of this sex-phobic book series.
Aw, how cute, this was written by a girl, wasn’t it? Allow me to explain: these are marketed to guys. We’ll buy them because we like Jenna Haze. She’s got spunk, and more importantly, likes getting spunked on. As for the Twilight thing, well, sure, why not? I know it’s not the most inspired idea for a parody, but I’m sure it’ll be good. After all, this is the studio that brought us Stuff My Ass Full of Cum 11. Usually a franchise loses steam after the second or third installment.
[bikini pics from Durden, where there are more, but she doesn't look right with clothes on. it's like a fish wearing scuba gear.]
There’s a new red-band TV spot for Crank 2 out (apparently they have R-rated TV commercials in the U.K., I’m assuming late at night), and you can tell they’re targeting a 
really classy audience because the spot is literally 30 seconds of nudity and swearing edited together over WWE-entrance music. And for some reason, it has Bai Ling in it. I didn’t even know she acted. I thought she was a human hentai cartoon. Anyway, I plan on putting on my spats and taking the gents to see this one after brandy and cigars at the Harvard Club, I do.
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Happy new year indeed. Crank 2 has finally showed the world how you make a red band trailer (video slightly NSFW for language and brief nudity). Keep an eye out for the Jenna Haze cameo. Statham commentary to follow.
Oi, cunts, da Staf ‘ere. Oy donno if you cunts rememba, but a whoile back, dis French cunt wiz troyin ta say dat da Staf’s characta in da Transpor’a pahts one an two wiz gaiy. Now, whoilst da Staf ain’ got nuffin against da gaiys, if a cunt calls da Staf gaiy, Oy’s ain’ got no choice but ta do everyfing in moy powa ta prove da cunt wrong, now doesn’ dey? So dat’s whin Oy stah’ed callin’ cunts on da fone an sayin’, “Oi. Moy naime ees Chev Chelios, an’ todaiy’s da day Oy doy.” Oi, you cunts rememba dat movie, donnit? Roighto, so long story fock’n short, Oy’s doin’ anuvva Chev Chelios movie, an’ dis toime, oy’s shaggin da birds roight on da camera. So if some cunt comes along an troys ta say dat da Staf is a gay, you kin just point to da fock’n screen an say, “Oi, cunt, if da Staf is gay, den whoy ‘as ‘e got ‘is dong stuck in dat bird?” An’ da cunt’ll probly feel well stupid, cuz what koinda gay ‘as got ‘is knob inna bird?
