Johnny Depp joins Pirates of the Caribbean 5

Written by Vince Mancini / 01.15.13

Teen Wolf did it.

Good news for people who like Johnny Depp wearing silly costumes and smirking at the camera, there’s going to be a Pirates of the Caribbean 5! (*swings through room on chandelier, steals roll from fancy dinner party, juggles priceless vase, looks into the camera, armpit farts, jumps through window*)

Walt Disney Studios has announced that a fifth “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie is set for release on July 10, 2015.  Johnny Depp will return as Captain Jack Sparrow and Jeff Nathanson [Tower Heist, The Terminal] is working on the screenplay.  The Jerry Bruckheimer production currently is without a director, but one would assume Rob Marshall, who helmed the critically panned “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” will not return.

Why wouldn’t he? They’ve got the guy from Tower Heist writing it.

The new “Pirates” movie is setting Disney up for a huge 2015. The studio has already revealed it plans to release the first of three new “Star Wars” films and “The Avengers 2″ during that same summer. [HitFix]

In all honesty, I thought they already made like seven of these. “Pirates of the Caribbean 6: The Search for Curly’s Gold.” “Pirates 8: Dog President.” And in case you were worried about Johnny Depp not stretching himself, he’s also signed up to play a wizard in “The Magical Hat of Mortimer Wintergreen.” Way to branch out there, buddy. I’m convinced he chooses roles based on number of accessories he’ll get to wear these days. “Ooh, Rastafari Snake Handler? Elizabethan Medallion Salesman? Where do I sign?”

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HURR, HE’S GONNA GET COVERED IN SEMEN

Written by Vince Mancini / 06.03.09

Hurrr, Jeff Nathanson’s gonna be pissed when he finds out what a Houdini is.

Anyway, the actual story is that the guy who wrote Speed 2 (ugh), Rush Hour 2 (oof), Catch Me If You Can (*shrug*), The Terminal (eek), and Rush Hour 3 (hurl), and co-wrote Indiana Jones and the Skulls & Crap (*throws feces*), is adapting “The Secret Life of Houdini: The Making of America’s First Superhero.”  It’s a book about Harry Houdini.  See? I should’ve just left it at the sex joke.

[HollywoodReporter]

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GIRL, BRETT RATNER KNOWS IT’S TRUE

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.22.09

It’s hard to know how much stock to put in this story, since I’ve never heard of the source and they don’t give any hints as to how they got the info.  In any case, they say “negotiations are under way” to bring Brett Ratner on to direct a Milli Vanilli biopic for Universal.

The move would reunite Ratner and his Rush Hour cohort, writer Jeff Nathanson [who had originally been named as director], who penned the screenplay for the film, which is being produced by frequent Steven Spielberg collaborator Kathleen Kennedy with executive producer and Fab Morvan manager Kim Marlowe. [HitsDailyDouble]

True or not, it would be a perfect match: a fake director doing a movie about a fake band.  Maybe Bai Ling could be creative consultant.

Also:  It figures that manager Frank Farian originally discovered these guys dancing in a Berlin club. Only in Germany could dancing like this be good enough to stand out.  It’s nice. All this time I thought only white people had to resort to pantomiming the lyrics.  (*makes mountain over head*) Aiiin’t nooo mountaiin hiiiigh enooough…
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