Oi, allo.  Oy’m fock’n Jason Stafam.  But yous probly already knew dat, didn’t ya?  Cunt.  Anywoay, Oy’s heah ta introduce da new TV spot fa moy new movie, da Transpor-uh paht Free.  As you praps already know, in dis film Oy droive round inna flash bloody sazz wagon, bloindin cunts wif how fock’n shoiny da bloody fing is.

Oi, but oy’ve also got more impor-un fings ta tell yous about, now don’ oy?  Look heah: keep da fock’n pets spayed an’ neu-uhd, will ya?  Oy mean for fock’s saike.  Loike, da ovva daiy, oy wuz out inna yahd doin fock’n push-ups, roight?  An’ long story shoht, Oy’s shaggin dis fit bird, when all ovva sudden Oy rolls ovva, an’ Oy squishiz inna big fock’n poile a bloody dog flop, innit.  An Oy’m finking, “Oi.  When did moy lawn turn into a fock’n poikey traila’, now don’ oy?”

So da moral of da story is dat dere’s too many fock’n bloody dogs muckin’ about, now don’ it?  Oi, so get it sore-id out before oy have ta taike moy fock’n shir’ off an’ staht buggerin’ cunts, ya heah?

Oi, ‘course oy’s jokin, moy shir’s already off.

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Oi, ‘allo, Jason Stafam ‘ere.  Moy shir’s chafin’ me again, moind if oy take i’ off?  Fanks.  Now, where were we… rightio.  So innis flick I’s back transpor’erin fings for people ‘at don’t ask questions.  Fact, if dey do break ‘a rules an’ ask questions, oy take me shir’ off an’ star’ buggerin’ people around, innit?  Oy droive cahs, roid fock’n BMX boicycles, an’ foight blokes wif bloody samurai swords, a cheeky buggas.  Sometoimes oy wake up in strange places wi’out me shir’ on, loike someone’s come in an’ taken me shir’ off durin’ da noight. ‘an oy’s loike, oi, where’s me bloody shir’ go?  Anyway, it’s good fun, an’ I fink you should check i’ out. Did oy mention oy taike me shir’ off?

[via IGN]