I posted the first clip earlier, and now Jason Reitman’s Up in the Air has a trailer.  We see cameos from Zach Galifianakis, Danny “I’m in every movie now” McBride, and Jason Bateman, all of it set to a George Clooney voiceover that seems really deep, but it’s probably just the piano music.

“How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack.  Now, I want you to pack it with all the stuff you have in your life.  You start with the little things: the shelves and drawers and nicknacks. Then you start adding larger stuff: clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV… Your backpack should be getting pretty heavy now.  You go bigger.  Your couch, your car, your home.  I want you to stuff it all into that backpack.  Now, I want you to fill it with people.  Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office.  Then you move into the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets.  Brothers, your sisters, your parents, your children.  And finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend.  You get them into that backpack.  Feel the weight of that bag.  Make no mistake, your relationships are the heaviest components of your life.  All those negotiations and arguments and secrets and compromises.  The slower we move, the faster we die.  Make no mistake, moving is living.  Some animals were meant to carry each other, to live symbiotically over a lifetime: star-crossed lovers, monogamous swans.  We. Are. Not. Swans.  We’re sharks.”

I bet the hardest part of this for Jason Reitman was figuring out how to pitch such a philosophical concept to a bunch of movie execs.  But then one day he had an epiphany: “GEORGE CLOONEY… has a backpack… full of SHARKS.”

Pictured: The best JanSport ad ever.  [video via /Film]

Jason Reitman directs movies about every two years, which seems about right for staying relevant without overextending yourself.  This is the first clip from Up in the Air, his follow-up to Juno and Thank You for Smoking (the rare movie adaptation that’s actually better than the book). It’s based on a 2001 Walter Kirn novel about a guy on a personal quest to rack up a million frequent flyer miles.  In the clip, George Clooney and Vera Farmiga talk miles, upgrades, and the latest hotel trend — an atmosphere that is “faux-homey,” or “fauxmey.”  The term seems unnecessary as it relates to travel, but “faux-homey”? I think we’ve finally found the politically correct replacement for “wigger.” Used in a sentence: I went to Ben Lyons’ and Danny Masterson’s DJ show last night, and man can those fauxmeys spin!

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Any time is a good time for a Karate Kid montage. Even when your baby’s dying. (video) [ScreenJunkies]

Wrestler/American Gladiator Matt Morgan claims to be in Iron Man 2.  I don’t know who that is.  Should I? (article) [thePlaylist]

A compilation of fat people ruining things. I find the guy breaking the kiddie pool especially mesmerizing. (video) [HolyTaco]

J.J. Abrams has an idea for Cloverfield 2.  Oh boy. (article) [ComingSoon]

Pretty Vacant – a list of hot dumb girls from TV (which are a lot more tolerable in fictional form).  Worth it for the screencap of Kelly Bundy in a near see-through shirt.  They let that on TV?! Where was I?? (list) [Bullzeye]

Jason Bateman to star in Jason Reitman’s Up in the Air, opposite George Clooney. I thought you should know, but wasn’t interested enough to do a post about it. (article) [Variety]

The Dog That Peed Forever.  Seriously, this is f-ing amazing.  I heard the Farrelly Brothers are already signed to direct the film adaptation. (video) [BestWeekEver]

Entertainment Tonight runs not one, but two teasers for their upcoming Terminator Salvation teaser.  It’s so meta!  No, wait, check that, it’s actually just shamelessy whorish. (article w/video) [WarmingGlow]

(Meat Baby picture via HolyTaco)

Jennifer’s Body, written by Juno‘s Diablo Cody and set to star Tranformers‘ Megan Fox, has found a director – Karen Kusama.

Kusama previously wrote and directed Girlfight (not as sexy as it sounds, but supposedly pretty good), and directed Aeon Flux.  Her IMDB page says she was born in Brooklyn, but I’d like to think she pronounces it “Diabro”.  That’s not racist, is it?  Hehe, well that’s because my kooky roomate, TimTam the Incorrible Bigot pushed me out of the way just so he could type that. Darn you, TimTam, that wasn’t even very funny!

Megan Fox will play a cheerleader in a sleepy town whose perfect life goes haywire when she becomes possessed and begins killing the young men in town who lust after her. Hard C [Ed. Note: !!] partners Jason Reitman and Dan Dubiecki will produce with Mason Novick. Reitman directed the Cody-scripted Juno for Atomic’s sister company Fox Searchlight. [ComingSoon]

MTV has a bit more info:

Described as a “Heathers”-type dark comedy, it tells the story of a seemingly-perfect cheerleader whose life is thrown into disarray when she gets possessed by a demon [more like my semen AHAHAAHAHAHA! Cuz it rhymes, get it?  ...Sorry, too much coffee] begins eating boys in her small Minnesota town, then faces off against her best friend and the Satan-worshipping band that made her evil.

In other news, Megan Fox’s last name don’t lie, am I right fellas?  Boosh. *fist pound*

I think JJ Abrams should take note: whereas his movies are so hyped I’m sick of them before they even start shooting, Juno has actual buzz.  I can’t believe this doesn’t come out until December 5th.   (translation: check out this new clip from Juno)

After starring in what may become the best prematurely-cancelled TV show of all time (Arrested Development), and the closest thing I’ve seen to this generation’s Tommy Boy (Superbad), and playing basically the same character in both, I thought Michael Cera’s shtick would’ve worn out by now.  Surprisingly, I’m still enjoying it – unlike my grandma, whose nagging I’m plum sick of. 

And yeah, despite the stringy neck thing, I’m still oddly attracted to Ellen Page.  And it’s okay, because though she’s playing a high schooler, she’s 19 in real life; perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, right?  Like when my girlfriend and I do the "schoolgirl" fantasy thing.  I mean, she’s 14, but she’s really mature for her age (huge tits).