Leave it to Asia to invent a washing machine for pets. That’s right, a clean pussy in under two minutes.  I heard if you reverse the polarity, the same machine sells sell schoolgirl panties. [via OhHaveYouSeenThis]

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• The latest Uproxx article by yours truly, 10 things that should rightfully warrant an ass kicking.  Probably not my best, but eh… |Uproxx|
• This jellyfish can live forever.  And who wouldn’t want to stay a jellyfish for eternity? |GammaSquad|
• Meet Obama’s confused background walker. |WarmingGlow|
• So wait, Stephon Marbury plays for Mongolia now? |WithLeather|
• Dave Johnson accidentally announces hitman monkey miniseries. Don’t know what that means but it sounds awesome. |ComicsAlliance|
• Woman bow hunting carp gets jaw broken by fish.  With pictures. |TheChive|
• The top 7 moments of Bad Girls Club season four. |InsideTV|
• Five pictures that sum up Fox News. |UnrealityMag|
• Only porn can save Octomom’s house now.  Either that, or euthanasia.  Just sayin. |Fark|
• Snoop Dog’s new video for “Upside Down”. (NSFW) |Playboy|
• Interviews with the Hot Tub Time Machine cast. |Screenjunkies|
• Hot chicks playing Twister. |HolyTaco|

Andre the Giant is riding an ATV your argument is invalid. |Source|

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This is a Japanese zit cream commercial.  Impressive how much weirdness they can cram into 15 seconds. [ohhaveyouseenthis]

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Chodin’s second Uproxx contribution, TLC’s five most disturbing series. |Uproxx|
• Game over, man, game over.  The Bill Paxton pinball machine. |GammaSquad|
• Between two ferns with Zach Galifianakis — Ben Stiller. |WarmingGlow|
• Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi “get personal” at a charity event. |SmokingSection|
• Ron Washington likes cocaine. |WithLeather|
• Five gifs to cure your hangover. |TheChive|
• Common Facebook interests and what they really mean. |Guyism|
• “Cat Scan”.  That is all. |Urlesque|
• Why is John Cusack always in the rain? |InsideMovies|
• Emperor Palpatine is having way too good a time. |UnrealityMag|
• Play Holy Taco’s March Madness douchebag tournament. |HolyTaco|

Hangover Sun Bear says: “C’mon, just this once, could I not be a Sun Bear?  Frankly, I’m not even feeling like an Any-Type-Bright-Light Bear. Oh God, this is un-bear-able, seriously you guys.”

Check out this commercial from Japan.  It’s funny how the difference between a real dog and a dude in a dog costume is like the difference between cute and unimaginably creepy. [via ohhaveyouseenthis]

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• You know today’s Uproxx feature will be good because Robopanda wrote it.  How to make your own 3D camera with stabilizer for $300 or less.  |Uproxx|
• 19 “I Hate My Job” photos.  |TheChive|
• Check out Ufford’s interview of Bear Grylls. I would’ve tried to wrestle him. |WarmingGlow|
• This fatass takes way too long to fall on his face. *puffs pipe* |WithLeather|
• Here’s MGMT’s new video for “Flash Delirium”. *Checks lip for ironic mustache growth* |SmokingSection|
• 10 damn near perfect cars. |Fark|
• The most compelling interracial romances. |InsideMovies|
• Remarkable Apple product placements. |Urlesque|
• Former Utah Jazz center arrested with pot in his butt.  No, not a pot of gold, that’s leprechauns.  |Guyism|
• This video is called “Soup Boots”.  It’s pretty good. |Atom|
• Oops, did I forget to post the Shrek 4 trailer?  Here, watch it on someone else’s site. |ScreenJunkies|
• Looks like Tron Man finally had a daughter. |HolyTaco|

[Pictures via FYSA, Stickycomics]

(“Gojira!”)

This video is 12 seconds long, is exactly what the headline says it is, and plays out exactly how you’d imagine it to.  And yet I’ve watched roughly 20 times now.  It’s kind of adorable.  Still, I find that what you want to look for in a mail-order bride is a girl who doesn’t spook easily.

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A while back it was announced that the plot of Peter Berg’s Battleship movie (based on the Battleship board game, natch) would involve battleships vs. alien battleships (“C4.”  “You sunk my alien!”).  Not to be outdone, the Japanese recently released this trailer for Space Battleship Yamato, which is exactly like it sounds.  It’s only thirty seconds long and all in Japanese, but I think I can sum it up in this one shot:

Frankly, I’d be surprised if he didn’t turn to the camera and try to sell me fish sticks.  Made from baby whales slaughtered in front of their families, of course.

[via Cinematical]