Michel Gondry’s last few movies haven’t done so hot, but Eternal Sunshine is still probably my favorite of all time, and there will always be a soft spot in my heart for the eccentric Frenchman who painted me a watercolor of a tranny with a bottle up his ass (the tranny, I mean. I can neither confirm nor deny Gondry having a bottle in his ass). Gondry recently directed a commercial for a Japanese department store, complete with comically-oversized feet and excessive amounts of screaming Japanese men. The only question is whether this is more Japanese or French

Read the rest of this entry »

Uh oh, it looks like some Japanese upstart is trying to steal Tom Six‘s thunder. Handfuls of our own feces at dawn?

Zombie Ass (I’m sure it sounds much prettier in Japanese) premieres at Fantastic Fest, and trust me, you want to read this synopsis.

We are going to flush you! The most crap-tastic zombie movie ever to emerge from Japan’s cinema sewer is finally upon us, and it’s from the twisted mind of cinematic madman and legendary ass- fetishist Noboru Iguchi…

I hope this guy has a business card with just his name and “legendary ass fetishist.” In fact, I’m having those printed right this second.

…creator of THE MACHINE GIRL, ROBO-GEISHA and KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR! Given free reign by a generous, independent producer to plumb the depths of his toilet-obsessed imagination, Iguchi has created a splatter comedy guaranteed to warm the bowels of those with the stomach for it…while more sensitive viewers may want to plug their noses and flee in disgust! Wracked with guilt over the suicide of her sister Ai, who was tormented by high school bullies, pretty young karate student Megumi accompanies a group of older friends on a trip into the woods: smart girl Aya, her druggie boyfriend Tak, big-boobed model Maki, and nerdy Naoi. Things start to go badly when Maki finds a parasitical worm inside a fish they catch – and wolfs it down alive, in the hope that it’ll help keep her skinny!

Maybe she just wanted something tentacle-shaped all up in her nether regions. Big-boobed models are often into that, or so I’ve read.

And then….zombies!

I don’t even like zombies, but “and then… zombies!” is a line you could squeeze into literally any synopsis and make it at least 150% better. “Kate Hudson is a career-obsessed city girl determined to make partner before she hits 30. But when she gets stuck on a ferris wheel with party-loving man-boy Gerard Butler, her world literally turns upside down! And then… zombies!”

Read the rest of this entry »

Well this is embarrassing.  All this time I’ve been writing this website dedicated to film, I was unaware that the peak of cinema had already been reached, some time back in the early 90s.  That was when began Masaru Tsushima’s film series, The Female Ninja Magic Chronicles, and a character uttered the fateful phrase: “Female ninja magic: vagina bubbles from hell!”

Yes, weaponized vagina bubbles. Brian Pumper would be so proud.  And while I would be perfectly content to let this post stand with just these two pictures:

….There is much more.  So much, much more.
Read the rest of this entry »

Finally, the day we’ve all been waiting for: Big Tits Zombie 3D has a trailer.  It’s basically a Japanese version of Zombie Strippers, complete with a porn star in the lead (Jenna Jameson in Zombie Strippers, G-cup Asian porn star Sora Aoi in BTZ3 — she’s got less inhibitions than her last name has consonants!).  But this version is way better. For one thing, the Japanese really know how to sell the sizzle not the steak in their titles.  They just ram a bunch of provocative nouns and adjectives together to create an orgy of things I’d like to see and/or masturbate to.  Like in Japan, Kick-Ass probably would’ve been called “Pigtails Schoolgirl Disemboweling C*nt.”  But I digress.  This isn’t just some cheap Japanese knock off.  It draws on a long tradition of works about big-titted zombies. From GammaSquad:

The film is an adaptation of Rei Mikamoto’s manga “Kyonyuu Dragon” about a group of strippers fighting a zombie infestation. The manga is also nicknamed “Big T*ts Dragon”, hence the classy movie title.

In conclusion, this guy:

Read the rest of this entry »

I feel like this clip doesn’t need much introduction.  It’s Japanese.  It’s from 2008.  It’s called Pussy Soup (also the name of Danny Masterson’s improv troupe).  Oh, and did I mention…

If you don’t want to see a Japanese movie with a cat dressed as a train conductor, I’m not sure we can be friends.  You might wonder what train conductor kitty is doing in a movie called Pussy Soup.  My guess is he’s there to make sure the train runs on time.

Thanks to Mario for the tip.