Friday Free for All is that time of the week I reserve for the funny, weird, sexy, or fart-y videos I want to post that might not be strictly “movie-related.”  I may not have to wear pants to work, but there’s no reason I can’t shirk my responsibilities on Friday like everyone else. (*puts on towel cape, helicopters wiener*)

I don’t speak Japanese, but today’s Friday Free For All clip (via WarmingGlow) features a Japanese game show, the object of which seems to be how much food you can stack on top of your pet.  They eventually get so much food on the first poor dog that drool starts leaking from the corner of his mouth (same thing happened when I wheeled my hot dog stand past a Stephenie Meyer book signing).  Oh God, I want to hug him so bad.  It’s cruel, but I admit, I laughed at that part.  But later, when they MAKE A CHIMP A CAGE OUT OF 800 BANANAS, it’s clear that things have gone too far.  Look how bad that chimp wants a banana.  I guarantee someone’s face is getting ripped off.  Meanwhile, somewhere, Kirk Cameron just watched this and questioned his faith.

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Paramount pictures is planning a Japanese remake of the 1990 film Ghost.  The move comes as Japanese-made films have taken an increasingly larger share of the Japanese movie market, which was once dominated by American films.

Imported movies accounted for 43 percent of Japan’s box office last year, far off a peak of 73 percent hit in 2002, according to the Motion Pictures Producers Association of Japan (MPAAJ).
Kinomoto said another reason for the decline may be an aversion to subtitles among the younger generation, which has grown up watching dubbed movies on DVDs and TVs that provide language-setting options.
“To those who are so used to watching dubbed movies at home on DVD, reading subtitles on the screen is somewhat of a hassle,” he said, citing research that teenagers in particular find that subtitles make it hard to focus on the action.

You might be surprised, thinking Japanese teenagers are turning out as dumb as Americans.  But keep in mind, the Japanese alphabet can make subtitled scenes lose a little in the translation.  For example:

Pulp Fiction with English subtitles

The same scene with Japanese subtitles

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Remember that clip I posted a while back from Hausu, the Japanese film about a killer cat painting that vomits (how could you forget)?  Turns out the director, Nobuhiko Obayashi, also directed a bunch of commercials, including this one, part of a series of Japanese Charles Bronson ads for the cologne, “Mandom.”  They harken back to a simpler time, when a man could look like crinkled nutsack with a mustache and still be considered a sex symbol (oddly enough, squintiness is still in fashion — see Josh Hartnett, James Franco, Channing Tatum, etc.).

My favorite part is when he’s just hangin ‘ out, smokin’ his pipe and decides to take off his shirt and pour cologne all over himself.  Jesus, man, the guy must’ve used half the bottle.  No wonder old people smell like sh-t.

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You really can’t go wrong when you put Quentin Tarantino in a Japanese commercial.  I don’t know exactly what’s going on here, but the language barrier is simply delicious.  From what I can gather, Quentin shows up at a lady’s house with his talking dog.  Only the talking dog doesn’t like the lady’s plastic dog — who I believe is the mascot of the company the commercial’s for.  Then Quentin shouts “Samurai spiritu!” and does an elaborate pantomime, presumably about how his dog is going to kill their dog with a sword, which is how dogs traditionally settle disputes in Japan, where many have fled to avoid becoming dinner in Korea.  Then the plastic dog gets a phone call from Quentin’s wife and puts it on speaker phone, and she tells Quentin she knows he’s been hanging out with Asian chicks again, and he better get his sorry ass home.  So he runs out the door, and his talking dog makes a glib comment about how he’s pussy whipped.

That’s how I interpreted it anyway.  God I love Japan.

[japanator via CurrrentMovies]

Probably the only thing more fun than ridiculing Twilight fans is ridiculing Japanese Twilight fans (fat jokes plus racist pidgin speak? I’m in love!).  On that note, here’s a Japanese news segment on the New Moon phenomenon.  The girls say they like it for the hot guys and it’s got your usual Team Jacob vs. Team Edward stuff, but the best parts are the odd translations:

“Please bite me!”

“She wants to be hugged by Jacob.  She imagines his hard-looking muscles will feel soft.”

Well sure, like Hello Kitty muscles.  Seems plausible.  Reached for comment, “That’s really creepy,” said a Japanese businessman through a mouthful of schoolgirl panties while laying out a fine picnic for his expensive f-ck pillow.

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