If you watched Amanda Seyfried in 2011’s Red Riding Hood, thinking, “Eh, this is OK, but I could use more violent girls flashing their boobs and werewolves acting all rapey” then you’re in luck, because Japan already heard you loud and clear. Red Sword reimagines the classic “Little Red Riding Hood” tale just a little bit differently than Hollywood’s most recent version.

Long, long ago, there was a wolf-man tribe who had no women. All through history these desperate wolf men have attacked and raped female humans as a way to continue their species. But the wolf men have a terrible legend where every hundred years, on the night of a red moon, a little girl is born and she is destined to destroy the wolf-man tribe. The lecherous wolf men are so afraid of females that they have developed a code which requires they kill baby girls soon after they are born. But only the lovely Beniko Akatsuki survives this terrible fate.

These days, Beniko fights endless battles against the wolf men. Poor Beniko’s mother was ruthlessly raped by a wolf man and gave birth to Beniko. To save her baby girl, Beniko’s mother had to sacrifice her own life. Now, Beniko wears a memento of her beloved mother, a red riding hood, and she has dedicated her life to killing all the wolf men. One day, Beniko senses that the evil wolf men are sneaking into a high school. The clever Beniko pretends she is a school girl and starts attending school, only to find vicious, horny pack of female-deprived wolf men. Beniko protects her fellow school girls as she fights them off with her sword and her red riding hood.

Will the brave, sexy Beniko Red Riding Hood be able to finally kill the vicious pack of sex-starved wolf-men? (Via Gamma Squad and Twitch)

So not only is the Japanese version about the sword-wielding product of werewolf-on-human rape, but she also pretends to be a high school student, flashing her boobs all over the place, because these werewolves are only into schoolgirls. I have to say, I’m just a little bit disappointed in the predictability, Japan.

Very NSFW trailer after the jump. How NSFW? It asks your age for verification and you CANNOT lie to the Internet.

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I’m not exactly up to date on my Japanese instant classics, so forgive me if you’ve seen this one before. But today we bring you an exciting clip from the 2010 comedy/horror Kyonyû doragon: Onsen zonbi vs sutorippâ 5, or as I like to pronounce it without getting a headache, The Big Tits Dragon: Hot Spring Zombies Vs. Strippers. Once again, don’t you ever change, Japan.

According to the film’s lone review on IMDb, Dragon is the harrowing tale of five strippers who don’t have very many clients, so they make up for it by posing seductively and play fighting with each other to fill the space where plot would traditionally go. And as you’re about to watch in the clip after the jump, at some point one of the strippers becomes a zombie and attacks two of her peers. However, she doesn’t try to eat them as we’ve come to expect from traditional zombie films. That is, unless by “eat them” you mean she fires a flamethrower out of her cooch.

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Hardly anyone celebrates Easter in Japan, so it doesn’t really matter when you release an Easter movie there. Hop, the film in which Russell Brand voices a drum-playing, skateboarding, headphone sporting Easter Bunny with multiple levels of t-shirts (SO COOL!), doesn’t open there until next week. And when it does, according to JapanProbe, the literal translation of the title (イースターラビットのキャンディ工場) will be “Easter Rabbit’s Candy Factory.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA, get it??? The movie is about a bunny that poops jelly beans. The ‘candy factory’ is his butt!

I consider this an important story.

Here’s a hot new trend out of Japan, injecting liquid under your skin to give yourself a lumpy, bagel forehead. I’d blame this on the Japanese, but body-mod people are nuts everywhere. |Vice|

MORNING LINKS

Pop Culture Troll Quotes > Pop Culture Actual Quotes [Uproxx]

I’m playing this Draftstreet game for WithLeather, you should too. |WithLeather|

A new frotcast will be up tomorrow. In the meantime, check out last week’s, on “Fartlore.” |Frotcast|

This Week In F-ck I Love You: Dairy Queen [KSK]

The handsome dude in the picture? Larry David. Believe it. |BostonStool|

The Ten Worst Answers for ‘Best Show on Television’ [WarmingGlow]

A Tribute To Sarah Palin’s Aborted Historic Bus Tour Of America [Uproxx]

Nathan Fillion photobombs. |GammaSquad|

My new pick for “funniest motorcycle crash.” |Videogum|

Amish guy busted for sexting a 12-year-old. |HolyTaco|

Footage of the Toulambi tribe of New Guinea encountering white man for the first time in 1976. “If it was a brother, it woulda gone something like this” jokes quickly followed. |TheDailyWhat|

These guys built a double-wedgie, double nut-shot machine.  Great work, guys. |GorillaMask|

Lindsay flips out on Matt Lauer, demanding $100K. Can we sentence her to do porn already? |TheSuperficial|

Bill O’Reilly & Lupe Fiasco Talk President Obama, The Terrorist [TSS]

The Harsh Reality of L.A. Noire [ToplessRobot]

FAN US ON FACEBOOK (pleeeease?). SUBSCRIBE TO THE FROTCAST. NOMINATE COMMENTS OF THE WEEK.

After the jump, you can watch the trailer for the upcoming Japanese film, “Hot Butt Cop.”  The trailer isn’t in English, but from what I can glean, it seems to be about a cop with a hot butt.  In any case, the language of gratuitous boob closeups is universal, as is the language of nudity and rape. The synopsis, however, IS in English (sort of), and it is fantastic:

The sexy police returned from the US. Ruriko, now in action!

A serial murder case has made the headlines. Team O of the special crime squad, the so-called “no team”, has gathered no clues and lost face. In order to help them in their pinch, Ruriko, the granddaughter of a legendary detective in the Showa Period, is summoned from the U.S. She’s on the investigation in no time and deduces that the perp is in the squad. As she investigates further with the wiles of her sexy body, her hot pants dig into her crotch more! [via Twitch]

Hot Butt Cop synopsis writer guy (put that on a business card) may not know perfect English, but he sure as hell knows his audience.  “So does she catch the perp?”  “Hell if I know, but her pants are riding up her crotch somethin fierce!  I’m telling ya, this broad’s on a one-way ride to exposed labia city!”

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