So Jamie Foxx and Howard Stern are fighting.  The back story on this is that Howard Stern committed the cardinal sin of not pretending to not notice that Gabourey Sidibe is enormously fat.  Look, people, from what I’ve seen, she seems like an intelligent, genuine, and funny person, but let’s stop acting like the first thing you notice about her isn’t that she’s 400 pounds.  Cut the sh*t.  It’s a lie and it’s patronizing.  “I love her spirit!” F*ck you.  She’s fat, not retarded.  Anyway, Jamie Foxx (who also has a radio show on Sirius) took offense to that and ripped Stern. To which Stern said:

“I gotta sh*tload of stuff on Jamie which isn’t a lot of fun…even the name change to Foxx, it’s interesting that he chose the name ‘Jamie,’ I could get into the whole f***ing thing…My guess is we’re probably not on the same team. I think he’s playing for a way different team. I don’t know what team he’s on but it ain’t my team.”

That could be interpreted a few different ways.  Maybe he thinks Jamie Foxx isn’t on the making-fun-of-Precious-team.  Or that he isn’t on the Jews-who-look-like-Joey-Ramone team.  For whatever reason, Jamie Foxx took it to mean he was gay, and said this: Read the rest of this entry »

Remember when Valentine’s Day came out and the stars were goofing about doing a Laverne and Shirley movie with Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner?  There’s no easy way to say this, but it sounds like it’s happening… with Jamie Foxx writing the script.

Valentine’s and L&S producer Garry Marshall, who was honored at the 18th Annual Night At Sardi’s Fundraiser for Alzheimer’s (his mother died of the disease), tells me the script is now being written by Valentine’s co-star Jamie Foxx. “Jamie and I are trying to do it,” Garry confirms. “He’s writing it. It’s a whole different modern day take on how they came up on the streets during difficult times. Laverne would be this very tough girl with a big ‘L’ tattooed on her arm. Jennifer Garner would play Laverne and Jessica Biel would play Shirley.” [TV Guide]

Get it?  It’d be funny because the wholesome whitey would have to pretend to be ghetto, a joke that’s never, ever been used in a Hollywood film or insurance convention comedy show before.  You might wonder if Jamie Foxx can write, and with an ego as big as his, the way he remembers it, he probably wrote all the dialog in all his films so far.  But according to IMDB, he’s written for In Living Color, the Jamie Foxx Show, and From G’s to Gents.  But I actually like this idea.  Someone recognizable writing this kind of script would actually have to cop to it later and get asked about it in interviews, unlike your usual, semi-anonymous writer of Valentine’s Day or Randi Mayem Singer who can just collect a paycheck and disappear back into society like pod people.  Don’t underestimate shame as a motivator.  It’s the only reason I wear clothes.

Aw crap, I forgot to make a “where the white women at” joke.

Jamie Foxx and Martin Lawrence made the above trailer, Skank Robbers, featuring their characters Sheneneh and Wanda, as a bit for the BET awards.  Audience reaction was said to be huge, and I imagine a lot of black women got out of their seats and pumped their fists and screamed because that’s what black women do at stand up shows.  They’re the best audience, easily.  Anyway, they’re going to make the fake trailer into a movie (a la Machete) for Screen Gems, because Screen Gems is basically Fox on a smaller scale.

Foxx will write the script for “Sheneneh and Wanda”, and he and Martin will produce together through Foxx’s Foxxhole and Lawrence’s Runteldat production banners.  In the comedy, Sheneneh and Wanda are modern day independent women trying to make it on their own, one bank robbery at a time. [Variety]

As a sketch it’s a decent concept — “I know the baby’s Chris Brown’s ’cause it keep tryin’ to kick me” — but can you really stretch a few one liners and funny makeup into an entire movie?  Who do they think they are, the Wayans brothers?  Also, when I was researching this, I started to type “Sheneneh and Wanda” into Google, and it suggested “Sheneneh and Wanda Sykes.”  Which means either Google is racist, or someone’s already gotten a head start on writing the next BET Awards parody trailer.

The Valentine’s Day trailer starts with that new Black Eyed Peas song and quickly transitions to a scene in which Anne Hathaway’s character refers to the crazy sex she just had with TOPHER GRACE.  “Last night was amazing.  Did I hurt you?  I used to be a gymnast.”    Wow.  You guys are really trying to make me vomit, aren’t you?  How dare you degrade my girlfriend like that.  Did you know Topher Grace used to be in an a capella group back in high school?  The Pussies, I think they were called.

On September 17th, watch the famous peoples’ lives intersect in horribly saccharine, unrealistic ways! Oh hey look, another boy in elementary school who’s in love!  They should take a picture of him holding a red rose bouquet, then make all of it black and white except for the roses, and then I’ll frame it and hang it on my wall when I get to community college.  God I want to curb stomp this movie.

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       “Lava Tacos were a bad choice.”

Gerard Butler took a break from awful chick flicks (I mean really awful) to play against type as a revenge-seeking, car-bombing madman in Law Abiding Citizen.  His wife and daughter are murdered in front of him, but the D.A. (Jamie Foxx) accepts a plea bargain that sets one of the killers free.  So Butler’s character does what any of us would do if we found out Jamie Foxx is going to represent our case in a court of law: start killraging, Death Wish style.

Directed by Gary Gray (Friday, The Negotiator, The Italian Job) and written by Kurt Wimmer (The Thomas Crown Affair, Equilibrium, The Recruit).

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