Entertainment Weekly just broke the first pictures from Quentin Tarantino’s slave western, Django Unchained, and I know every time I write about Tarantino, someone in the comments tells me how Tarantino is a hack and how he much sucks, and how gay everyone is for liking him. Well I’d like to cordially invite those people to lick my balls because this looks amazing. All I’ve ever wanted is to combine pulpy Tarantino violence with sumptuous vests and ascots and pocket watches.Violence and period fashion! This movie has everything!

Without getting too much into Entertainment Weekly’s spoilerish rundown, the basic plot is that Jamie Foxx plays a Django, a slave freed by bounty hunter Christoph Waltz, who teaches him the tricks of the trade and helps him find his wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington), who ends up in a crazy place called Candyland, where a sadistic slavemaster named Calvin Candy (Leonardo DiCaprio) makes his slaves do gladiatorial-style battle.

I can’t imagine that not being great, unless Tarantino and the wizard get into some bad coke and 40 minutes of the movie ends up being Broomhilda gabbing with her girlfriends about nothing a-la Deathproof. Sidenote: Look at that ornate saddle! I wonder if the production borrowed that from Steven Seagal’s collection.

One more picture below:

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You just know C-Tates would weasel his way into this somehow.

It’s almost every day that someone files a plagiarism lawsuit against a high-profile film or filmmaker, way too many for me to cover them all, and they usually come to nothing. A town full of derivative ideas just naturally breeds that sort of thing. It’s like someone saying Jay Leno stole their joke — there’s a difference between “stolen” and “hacky.” But bear with me, this one’s more enjoyable than the usual frivolous-lawsuit-from-an-insane-person story.

Jamie Foxx and Tyler Perry are being sued for $1 million each by a prisoner — who claims the duo jacked his idea for a groan-worthy new comedy … starring Foxx, Perry, and Martin Lawrence … all dressed as women.
In case you haven’t heard … the project is called “Skank Robbers” — a wacky action comedy about two lady bank robbers … with Lawrence’s Sheneneh character from “Martin,” Foxx’s Wanda from “In Living Color,” and according to reports … Tyler Perry’s Madea … from every bad movie you’ve seen. The project is reportedly in development.

The project is in development, and I’ve covered it here before (its proposed August 2011 release date came and went, but according to the DailyMail, it had begun shooting), but this is the first I’ve ever heard of Tyler Perry being involved. I think the prisoner just made that part up. And here’s where it gets good…

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Last month it was reported that Will Smith was close to a deal to play the lead role in Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming spaghetti slave western, Django Unchained.  But shock of all shocks, it sounds like Captain Squeaky-Clean Image won’t be signing up for a movie where six of the characters are probably named the N-word. Deadline says it will be Jamie Foxx instead, who’s a better actor anyway, even if he does seem like he loves himself a whoooole lot.

Quentin Tarantino has made his choice and negotiations will begin. Tarantino’s next film will be distributed domestically by The Weinstein Company and overseas by Sony Pictures. Production begins November.
Foxx will join Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Samuel L. Jackson in a Sergio Leone-style spaghetti Western that Tarantino wrote and has set in Mississippi during slavery. No deal has been made yet, but it shouldn’t take long. While the early focus had Will Smith the likely participant, Deadline told you on June 7 that those talks had gone south, and we were first to identify Foxx as a prime contender for the role along with Idris Elba and Chris Tucker.

Chris Tucker, huh?  DO YOU, UNNASTAND, THE SLAVES, THAT ARE COMIN OUTTA THE SOUFF?

The choice of Foxx is an inspired one.  Django is a slave who’s liberated by a German dentist-turned-bounty hunter and taught the tricks of the trade by his mentor. Django’s major goal in life is to recover his wife, and to do it he needs to get past the villainous ranch owner Calvin Candie (DiCaprio), who runs Candyland, a despicable club and plantation in Mississippi where female slaves are exploited as sex objects and males are pitted against each other in “mandingo”-style death matches. Candie is a slave’s worst nightmare, and that [sic] is where Django’s wife Broomhilda is an abused slave. [Deadline]

Damn, here I was, all set to make a joke about “Foxx is an inspired one”, but I think I just got skullf*cked by that synopsis.  Does… “mandingo-style death matches” mean… cockfights? …”Broomhilda?”  I have to wonder who was a greater influence on this script. QT’s coke wizard, Alan Ball’s minah birds, or the erotic feet of some as-yet-unidentified muse.  In the end it sounds awesome, so I guess I don’t really care.  (*sigh*) I simply adore that coked-up, bird-hating foot f*cker.

In the interests of full disclosure, I had a headline and screencap about Colin Farrell’s combover all set to go when I saw Jennifer Aniston in her underpants deepthroating a banana. Realizing I’m not allergic to cash money, I posted that instead. In any case, Warner Brothers just released the trailer for their July comedy Horrible Bosses — GEE, I WONDER WHAT THAT’S ABOUT! SQUIBBETY BLABBETY DOO!  It comes from King of Kong (and, uh.. Four Christmases…) director Seth Gordon, and stars Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, and Jason Bateman as three guys plotting the murder of their horrible bosses, played by Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and Colin Farrell’s combover.  I don’t know if there’s a contest in Hollywood to see who can come up with the most boring, linear premise, but I do enjoy the actors involved. Maybe not enough to deepthroat a banana, but they seem nice.

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Martin Lawrence and Jamie Foxx dusted off their characters Sheneneh and Wanda for a bit at the BET Awards a while back (video after the jump), and people seemed to like it.  Since movie execs are braying jackasses who would try to make a movie out of literally anything people enjoy these days (CHEESE PLATE! IN 3D!), Screen Gems hired Foxx to write an entire movie around it.  (TWO MEN! DRESSED AS WOMEN! BOTH UGLY!  IT WRITES ITSELF! FETCH MY COCAINE!)  Today’s news is that it now has (ulp) a distributor and a release date.  Says Production Weekly:

Sony gives the Jamie Foxx (Wanda) & Martin Lawrence (Sheneneh) comedy “Skank Robbers“ an Aug. 19, 2011 release date.

What do you think, is this a better or worse idea than a Les Grossman movie?  I guess that’s kind of like asking what flavor of popsicle I’d rather have shoved up my ass.  As much as he seems like a total d-bag, you have to give Jamie Foxx credit for being talented, but Martin Lawrence has never been funny.  He’s like a black Carlos Mencia, whose obvious, unfunny observations are not improved by his shouting.  Anyway, I think they should team up Sheneneh and Wanda with Les Grossman, Madea, and Eddie Murphy’s last three fat suits for one super-fat, super-cross-dressing, super-group movie.  It would be like The Avengers for f*cking morons.

Related: Who finds cross-dressing funnier, black people or British people?

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