"I turned the horizon diagonal with PSYCHIC MIND BULLETS. WINNING."

A couple new character posters for X-Men: First Class featuring Professor X (James McAvoy) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender) have showed up on Filmonic. I hope these turn out to be unofficial, because they’re every bit as boring as the trailer.  OH MY GOD, THE CHARACTERS HAVE FIRST NAMES, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!

Michael F. Assbender is… The Last Assbender.

Just like they promised, Fox has released the first trailer for X-Men: First Class via their Facebook page.  If a legit talent like Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass, Layer Cake) weren’t directing this, the idea of an X-Men Babies prequel (cast rundown here) would sound pretty stupid.  Likewise, the trailer is an almost equal mix of maybe this was a bad idea and maybe this will still be awesome (ahh, the old sex-with-a-stranger feeling).

As Durden astutely points out, this thing seems way behind schedule, considering it’s supposed to come out in June and they’re still shooting.  And now that we have a trailer, it looks cobbled together from the bare minimum amount of footage. Seriously, is anyone out there excited by the “BEFORE HE WAS MAGNETO… HE WAS ERIC” opening?   We get it, it’s a prequel.  You might not want to push that angle so hard, considering the most famous movie prequel is still Star Wars.  “BEFORE HE WAS DARTH VADER… HE WAS AN ANNOYING LITTLE KID.”   Huh… well I guess I can see why you skipped that part of the story the first time around…

But then all of a sudden Kevin Bacon shows up, and Magneto starts pulling submarines out of the water and you’re like, “Hmm, well okay, perhaps this might be cool.” Though I still say Michael Fassbender should’ve played a new mutant, Michael F. Assbender. His powers would be self-explanatory.

"Quiet, I'm ass bending."

Also be sure to check out Pauly’s upcoming Latin-flavored gay porn parody, Mex Men: First Ass.

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. I was busy being in every movie ever.

In shocking news that will shock you like an electric shock, Hollywood unknowns James Franco and Kate Hudson are attached to a movie. I know. How refreshing to see a couple up-and-comers get a chance, right? Hit me Deadline:

127 Hours star James Franco is in discussions to play pornographer Chuck Traynor in a Linda Lovelace film that will be directed by his Howl helmers Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman. Kate Hudson has the offer to play the title role in Lovelace, the W. Merritt Johnson-scripted adaptation of Eric Danville’s book The Complete Linda Lovelace.

Just so we’re clear on this, there are two (2) movies in development that tell the life story of Linda Lovelace. Of course they’ll fill in the story with what led her to the star in Deep Throat, and the fallout of being in one of the most legendary porn films of all time, but it really seems like we skipped over some people in the biopic genre to get to her. I just imagine some coked-up exec making a list of people to make movies about that reads:

1) Ray Charles, legendary blind musician.
2) Johnny Cash, country icon.
3) George W. Bush, controversial President and timely news figure.
4) That one lady who could totally swallow a whole ding dong.

As far as the casting goes, I just have a few thoughts. First of all, while Kate Hudson is a nice actress and everything, I don’t know that I’ll buy her as a porn star. If I were in charge, I’d probably have cast someone with a little more… talent (*cups hands twelve inches from chest to indicate large breasts*). As far as James Franco, of course he’s in it. Why wouldn’t he be? I mean, it IS a movie.

James Franco GIF action after the jump

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So.  You know that X-Men: First Class cast photo from the other day?  Yeah… so it turns out that was a fan-created Photoshop job, not an official publicity still, and director Matthew Vaughn was none too happy about it getting leaked.  Sorry about that.

“I freaked out on them yesterday. I don’t know where the hell that came from. I don’t think it’s a Fox image. It’s not a pre-approved image. When I found out, I said, what the f*ck is this sh*t, and Fox is running around trying to figure out what happened as well. I agree. It’s like a bad photoshop, which maybe it was by someone. It didn’t reflect the movie. I was shocked when I saw it. I was like ‘Jesus Christ’.” [/Film via GammaSquad]

Aw, so January Jones’ awesome cleavage was faked?  It’s like everything I’ve ever pleasured myself to is a lie!  But just so I wouldn’t immediately hop in the tub and start carving “NO LOVE” into my wrist, Vaughn released some actually real photos showing January Jones’ real cleavage.  Not to mention villain Kevin Bacon wearing an ascot, which, let’s be honest, is an even bigger turn on.

Even more pictures after the cut…

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UPDATE: Matthew Vaughn says the picture is a fake.

From ToplessRobot via GammaSquad comes the first cast photo of all the X-Men from the prequel, X-Men: First Class, being directed by Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass). The obvious title would’ve been X-Men Kids, but oh no, God forbid anyone listen to me.

From left, that’s Michael Fassbender as Magneto, Rose Byrne as Dr. Moira McTaggert, January Jones as Emma Frost, Jason Flemyng as Azazel, Nicholas Hoult as Beast, Lucas Till as Havok, Zoe Kravitz (yes, Lenny’s daughter — how many black people named “Kravitz” do you know?) as Angel Salvadore, Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique, and James McAvoy as Professor Xavier.

Since they covered up all the ladies and cropped the dudes above the crotch (tisk, tisk, I thought this was a superhero movie), not to mention covering my poor angel (and dynamite actress) Jennifer Lawrence with blue paint, January Jones is the clear standout:

Jones plays Emma Frost, whose superpower, according to my research, is looking like a Playmate from the 70s.  (Her mutation? Great boobs.)  Now, a lot has been made of January Jones’ tendency to look plain on certain occasions, when clearly, other times, like this one, she looks fantastic.  My working theory is that she tends to look great when she wears something that exposes the crack in her boobs.  But of course, there’s still a lot of work to be done.  (*puts on safety goggles, heats graduated cylinder over bunsen burner*)  …And now we wait.