Hubba hubba. As if Michael F. Assbender’s perfectly-parted hair, tight-but-compact frame, and steely gaze weren’t already enough to moisten your panties and/or manties, X-Men: First Class just released this deleted scene from the DVD (out September 9th) in which he dresses like a sexy lady. Actually, it’s the scene in the film where Xavier and Magneto go to the go-go club where Lenny Kravitz’ mutant daughter with dragonfly wings (Angel Salvadore) works and try to recruit her, but this time with a slightly different ending. Inside the private room, Magneto reveals his mutant powers by levitating the metal champagne bucket, while Xavier reveals his by entering Angel’s mind and changing Magneto into a lady (that’s Angel’s point of view we’re seeing above). So when you think about it, it’s just a future cripple putting a wig on a holocaust survivor to make a stripper feel comfortable enough to take her top off. Man, they really knew how to party in the sixties.

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Matthew Vaughn’s X-Men: First Class opens in less than a month (June 4th) and today YahooMovies has a new short clip.  The clip is called “Magic Trick” and it features James McAvoy’s Professor Xavier and Jennifer Lawrence’s Mystique demonstrating their powers before skeptical CIA agents McTaggert (Rose Byrne) and Stryker (you may remember him as Brian Cox in X2, or Danny Huston in Wolverine, though hopefully you blocked that one out).  Call me crazy, but I think the old “wanna see a magic trick?” loses a bit of its luster when your trick is turning a hot young girl into a fat white guy, when the same opener in The Dark Knight ended with someone getting stabbed in the eye with a pencil.  Pencil stabbings > fat white guys, if you’re keeping score at home.

What’s McAvoy’s mutation supposed to be, over-enunciating?

The international trailer for Matthew Vaughn’s X-Men: First Class that I first posted a few weeks ago when it was in Russian, is back, this time in English.  Considering the film is scheduled to open June 3rd, it’s surprising how little we’ve seen of it, adding credence to the rumors that it’s rushed and behind schedule (as is true of pretty much all superhero movies).  Anyway, there’s not much more to understand in the English version.  The film tells the story of the heady days before Professor X was Professor X and Magneto was Magneto, when they were just Chuck and Erik, a couple of mutant poon hounds havin’ wild times, bangin’ dragonfly whores and freakin’ out at concentration camps.  The characters are said to represent Civil Rights leaders Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, with Magneto representing the more militant Malcolm X.  And if you extend the metaphor further, it sort of implies that black people are superhuman mutants.  Which would’ve made sense in the early 60s when the first X-Men came out and sports were becoming fully integrated.

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"Hey, X, remember when we double-teamed that dragonfly hooker at Beast's bachelor party?" -- "Of course I do, I'm psychic."

For a film being directed by the great Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, Kick-Ass), pretty much all the marketing so far for X-Men: First Class has been severely underwhelming. (Though it did give me the idea for this awesome Lobster Dog poster).  The PR department seems obsessed with reminding us that this is indeed a prequel, which is silly given 1) we already know that, and 2) when was the last time anyone saw a good prequel?

Today we have a new Russian trailer which isn’t in English, but does take the novel approach of actually showing some cool footage, including Kevin Bacon in a velvet tuxedo. (The Velvet Tuxedo was my penis’ nickname in high school).   Hey, you ever wonder why they never show the mutants with really crappy mutations?  Like, “I can see 63 seconds into the future while standing in a puddle of my own urine!” or “I can manipulate sourdough bread!” Seems like that should play a more prominent role.

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Just this morning in my post about awesome posters from Africa, I referenced how awful the last batch of posters for X-Men: First Class were.  Now we have some new ones, and against all odds, they’re EVEN MORE TERRIBLE!  I didn’t think it was possible, but here we are, with another pair of vignette-y-face-over-silhouetted-image posters that seem to shout, “Hey!  Remember Street Fighter?”

The answer of course is NO! Of course we don’t remember Street Fighter!  Not even Chris Klein remembers Street Fighter and he was high on cocaine!  Seriously, poster guy?  A floating head inside a silhouette?  How long did that take you, five?  Six minutes?  What, were you being chased?  Take some time, man!  Wait, do you get paid by the poster or by the hour?  Because I’m pretty sure I could crank out a few hundred of these in an afternoon:

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