Above all else, entertainment is an intuitive business.  You take one British comedian, famous for discussing his battles with drug and sex addiction, and do with him the most logical thing: hire him to voice the Easter Bunny in a children’s movie.  Of course, this Easter Bunny will have to be super cool and hip, to appeal to today’s youth with their iPads and Rockbands and sausage-sucking sexbots, so now the Easter Bunny plays drums and wears multiple layers of shirts and moves to Hollywood for some reason.  After that, it hooks up with David Hasselhoff, a guy famous for being on a bad show with a lady who made a sex tape with a rock star with a really big penis, and later for being a terrible drunk who eats floorburgers.  From there, the floorburger guy helps the cool bunny with the multiple shirts become famous for pooping jelly beans, which will be then branded and sold to children.  The end.  Cut and print.

Really, I can’t imagine this turning out any other way.

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You can tell he's cool because the chocolate bunnies let him hang out.

Here’s the first poster for Hop (formerly “I Hop“), from the director of Alvin and the Chipmunks, starring James Marsden and the voice of Russell Brand. Russell Brand voices the Easter Bunny, but definitely not your grandpa’s Easter Bunny, with his boring old eggs and fruity pastel sweaters.  The kids today, with their rock group videos and their hippity hop music, will really go nuts for this Easter Bunny, which you can tell by his headphones, drumsticks, and short-sleeve shirt over long-sleeve shirt, and the relaxed attitude he takes towards work, as if to say, “Who cares? It’s only fashion.”

From the creators of Despicable Me comes Hop, the comic tale of Fred (James Marsden), an out-of-work slacker who accidentally injures the Easter Bunny (voiced by Russell Brand) and must take him in as he recovers. In theaters April 1, 2011! [Official Synopsis via BleedingCool]

Ha, an out-of-work slacker, classic!  But where are his sunglasses?  NOW how am I supposed to know if he’s cool?

Below, the first trailer for Death at a Funeral (2010). The original Death at a Funeral came out in 2007, and even though it’s only two years old and in English, they remade it with an American, mostly black cast (Peter Dinklage is in both versions — if not an Oscar, he deserves some kind of Most Valuable Dwarf award).  Wicker Man director Neil LaBute directs the remake.  Alan Tudyk‘s turn as a guy frying on hallucinogens the whole time is taken over by… James Marsden.  The only thing that could save this is lots and lots of Tracy Morgan.  Danny Glover pooping on his hand notwithstanding, it looks like he doesn’t have a huge part. The studio should cut that scene with the scene of J-Lo trying to keep semen from spilling out of her vadge, and then film the audience puking and use that as the promo, Paranormal Activity style.

Hey, did Chris Rock just utter the phrase “bromantically involved?”  Is that because they were both guys or because they’re black?  From the style guide:  Bros = white guys with arm band tats.  Brothers = black dudes.
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This is the trailer for The Box, from Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly, who hopes to rebound from the commercial failure of Southland Tales.  It stars James Marsden, Frank Langella, and Cameron Diaz, who may have given away a big plot secret at Comic Con (go ahead, I know you’re thinking it, “Cameron Diaz reveals the mysteries of her box all too easily.”).  Suffice to say, the plot involves a stranger, Langella (ella ella, eh eh eh…), showing up to struggling couple Diaz and Marsden’s house with a box and a proposition: press the button on the box and get a million dollars cash, but someone somewhere in the world who you don’t know will die.

I realize I’m not the best audience for this “dilemma”, especially not today when I’ve spent at least three hours alternately getting screwed by NYC public transportation, searching for a wireless connection, and getting caught in a downpour with my laptop.  A million dollars for killing a stranger?  Pff, I’d kick a baby into traffic on the off chance it’d make me feel better.  Just give me a reason, junior.

This is the first trailer for Donnie Darko/Southland Tales director Richard Kelly’s The Box.  It’s based on a Richard Matheson short story called “Button, Button,” which was also made into a Twilight Zone episode.  The premise is that a mysterious stranger (Frank Langella) gives a couple (Cameron Diaz and James Marsden) a box with a button.  He tells them if they press the button, they get a million dollars, but someone they don’t know will die.  I guess back in the 70s this was considered a moral dilemma.  If it happened today, my only question would be, “So if I press it twice, do I get two million dollars?”

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