Welcome to the Rileys, starring Tony Soprano and Bella Swan, opened to middling reviews at Sundance in January (Adam Duritz was there!) and opens in limited release this weekend.  RopeofSilicon was able to obtain this red-band clip, and boy, Kristen Stewart sure has a potty mouth. She goes on and on about a guy trying to F her in the A, even though she says he has a pencil D, and then she’s all “F this” and “F that” and “I have to go take an Fing P.”

My word, has she been hanging out with ethnic wolves again?  A sparkling white Mormon vampire would never do such dirty things. What kind of girl does this guy think she is, Anne Hathaway?

It’s indie-movie trailer day on FilmDrunk, and you know what that means: Broken people!  Finding love!  In the strangest of places!  After they’d all but given up!  First up:

Jack Goes Boating
Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directing debut is characterized mainly by Philip Seymour Hoffman and his dishwater dreadlocks.  At first he’s all mopey, like, “Ugh, I’m awkward, I can’t stop wearing this stupid hat.”   But then one day he meets a nice girl, Amy Ryan (Beadie from The Wire), and she’s all like, “Hey, check me out, I’m kinda pretty, but I have a tragic past.  You seem weird, wanna go boating?”  And then Semen Hoffmore’s all “Yay!  That sounds quirky!”  Then the hipster music plays and someone goes underwater for some reason.  Awkward whispering, falling in love!  People yelling, life is hard!  Hurrr, I went to NYU!

Welcome to the Rileys

Read the rest of this entry »

In the Loop may be an annoying movie, but definitely has an annoying trailer. Possibly the most annoying trailer.  It’s just two and a half minutes of out-of-context one liners set to music.  I watched it, and now I have a nervous twitch and epilepsy.  Here’s the IMDB synopsis:

The US President and UK Prime Minister fancy a war. But not everyone agrees that war is a good thing. The US General Miller doesn’t think so and neither does the British Secretary of State for International Development, Simon Foster. But, after Simon accidentally backs military action on TV, he suddenly has a lot of friends in Washington, DC. If Simon can get in with the right DC people, if his entourage of one can sleep with the right intern, and if they can both stop the Prime Minister’s chief spin-doctor Malcolm Tucker rigging the vote at the UN, they can halt the war. If they don’t… well, they can always sack their Director of Communications Judy, who they never liked anyway and who’s back home dealing with voters with blocked drains and a man who’s angry about a collapsing wall.

Would’ve been nice if I could’ve gotten any of that from the trailer.  Instead, it was like I really wanted to know what their sandwich tasted like, but instead of giving me a bite they just kept hitting me in the face with it.  Same game I used to play with the blind kid.

Sidenote: The blue-eyed chick who looks familiar is the little girl from My Girl. [via Videogum]

After the jump I’ve got the trailer for The Taking of Pelham 123, the second movie in only a couple months to star John Travolta as some kind of goateed hard ass.  Look, man, nothing’s gonna make us forget this nightmare.  It was directed by Ridley Scott’s brother Tony and co-stars Denzell Washington.  He and Travolta play sort of a flipped-flopped version of John McClaine and the fat guy from Family Matters in Die Hard.  James Gandolfini plays the mayor, and I’ll bet $1000 he turns out to be the bad guy.  Long story short, it would be lot better if it were about the three sexy Pelham sisters.  Or Madame Pelham, who’s 123 (for the novelty value).
Read the rest of this entry »

Question marks in the headline can mean only one thing: it’s time to prognosticate! Will humans land on Mars?  Is purple the new pink? Would this monkey let me squeeze her tits for a banana?  No one knows for sure, and that means we’re free to speculate wildly! Yee haw!

Today’s pause for postulation comes from Nick D’Urso of New Jersey, who received a call from HBO asking him not to renovate Satin Dolls, the strip club he manages.

You see, Satin Dolls also doubles as the Bada Bing strip club… D’Urso swears that he heard legit info that a Sopranos movie could be in the works and HBO is making sure its top locations stay as much the same as possible. Soprano Sue, a crazed fan of the show who did some amateur location scouting for HBO [Translation: stalking the cast - Ed.], also says she heard about a movie from a crew member. [Source]

HBO reps still ain’t sayin’ nuthin’. I’m still pissed they decided to end the show on a useless scene with that ridiculously overplayed Journey song in the background instead of the scene before it, with Paulie Walnuts sitting outside having a stare down with the cat he’s convinced is a reincarneted version of Chris Moltisanti – which would’ve been the perfect ending.  But if they are doing a movie they better get on it, because I’m sure Celebrity Fit Club is busting their ass trying to make Gandolfini an offer he can’t refuse.  

By the way, does anyone ever actually lose weight on that show?  Carnie Wilson had gastric bypass, then went on the show, and she’s still fat. Actors have nothing but free time and plenty of money to afford a personal trainer – hiring a black dude to yell at them and filming it probably isn’t going to help.  No one on that show actually gives a shit about losing weight.  They should just make it about competitive eating.  Just fire the drill sergeant and hire the Japanese hot dog guy.  See?  Easy fix.