TRAILER: As I Lay Dying: James Franco Adapts Faulkner

Written by Vince Mancini / 05.14.13

I’ve never read William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying, but I have to think James Franco adapting this (he wrote and directed) is a lot more worthwhile than worshiping Marina Abramovic or whatever other fake art crap the New York crowd is into this week. Here he directs and stars opposite Logan Marshall-Green, Tim Blake Nelson – who excels at dirty-faced Southern poverty – and, strangely, Danny McBride.

The Bundren family of the rural South tries to honor their late mother Addie’s wish to be buried in her birthplace. They spend nine days hauling her coffin in a mule-drawn wagon, battling numerous obstacles and personal demons along the way.

Well everyone is serious and dirt-covered and poor, and seems to be either yelling or whispering the whole time, and there’s a prophetic, marble-mouthed little kid in the middle of it, so I have to think the Oscar chances are good. What this needs is a mega-handsome guy like George Clooney or Bradley Cooper or Ryan Gosling. As we’ve established, handsome + dirt covered = Oscars. See: Bradley Cooper wearing a garbage bag.

Seriously though, what the hell is that little kid saying? I’ve rewound it four times and I still can’t understand anything he says before “told me not to tell…”

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James Franco Dicknosed His Own Birthday Cake

Written by Vince Mancini / 05.01.13

James Franco famously used a Gucci sponsorship to film himself walking around Paris with a dick strapped to his nose for a piece entitled Dicknose in Paris, so why shouldn’t he get a birthday cake with vibrators and ball gags and anal beads on it? Frankly, unless that red frosting was made from Marina Abramovic’s uterine sloughings and presented on a platter by some naked gangster chicks and Harmony Korine, it seems a little pedestrian for James Franco. (RIP, Brad Renfro)

Miami-area bakery Caked By Two created the confection for Franco, his Interior. Leather Bar co-director Travis Mathews, filmmaker John Cameron Mitchell, and friend Cassandra Simon, as a nod to Franco and Matthews’ film reimagining the gay and S&M scenes from Cruising, as well as a nod to the many ongoing gay and S&M scenes that have comprised Franco’s 35 years on Earth [AV Club]

When I look at the ball gag up there, I can’t help but think but think Goatse would’ve looked even better. Get on it, Michelle Doll Cakes. Also, just as an experiment, I’d love to see what would happen if we swapped James Franco’s Dildo Cake for Kirk Cameron’s Birthday Sandwich. Think of the ensuing hijinks!

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Comment of the Week: Tyler Perry Is Shown No Mercy

Written by Zeke Greenwald / 04.07.13

If ever Kevin Smith gets sh*t talked on this website, fans come to his rescue. But Tyler Perry trash talking only invites more trash talking!

Chareth Cutestory

Perry’s getting into marriage counseling now? Somewhere Steve Harvey just spit cognac down the front of his purple zoot suit.

I’ve seen Steve Harvey sell out arenas. If he soils a zoot suit there’s another on stand by. Of course, there are as many angles on dissing Tyler Perry as there are Tyler Perry movies starring Tyler Perry.

GenePoolParty

Tyler Perry’s The Bible: I Can Deuteronomy All By Myself

Moose

*Tyler Perry’s inner monologue after writing Tyler Perry’s screenplay*

Ha ha! Oh, Tyler Perry, that’s just so Tyler Perry of Tyler Perry!

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This is the End Trailer: Hermione gets pissed, Michael Cera gets impaled

Written by Vince Mancini / 04.02.13

Hot on the heels of their fake trailer for Pineapple Express 2, This is the End released a real, full-length red-band trailer which you can watch below. So I guess the trick was getting me to post two trailers for the same movie in as many days. Well, played, you sons of bitches, well played. We already knew the main guys would be playing fictionalized versions of themselves in the film written and directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, but this latest trailer shows the full extent of the celebrity-cameo-as-joke: making appearances are Mindy Kaling, Jason Segel, Rihanna, and Emma Watson, who gets to wave around an axe and yell swear words. Oh sure, it’s high-larious when she does it, but when I do it everyone starts yelling the safe word. Thanks, Obama.

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Well that’s just a good movie poster right there.

Written by Vince Mancini / 03.29.13

DTF Disney girls love pianists.

I enjoyed Spring Breakers, but I wouldn’t necessarily argue strenuously with someone who thought it was just stupid (whether it being stupid on purpose invalidates that criticism is a discussion for another time). I think Harmony Korine is more like the weird kid we pay to eat bugs (and I will happily pay him to eat bugs) than some super genius holding a mirror up to society’s ills or whatever. But this new poster for Spring Breakers (courtesy of those nerds at Indiewire) does a great job highlighting the incontrovertible: compelling imagery. To paraphrase Alien, LOOK. AT THAT SHIT. It could be easily be argued that Spring Breakers is more about production design than plot, character development, story, parody, or cultural critique, but it’d be hard to argue that that’s not some good-ass production design. And even if it’s a dumb movie, I’d say an artistic medium is much healthier and more relevant when it still gives itself the freedom to be silly.

I guess what I’m saying is, I’m looking forward to the deleted scene where they make fun of that fat guy with the huge penis until he gets a boner.

[Indiewire]

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