I want this picture above my mantle.

In between his busy schedule of discussing with his team of engineers (in a language he invented) how to make swimming in a pool of gold coins physically possible, James Cameron sat down to talk Avatar sequels with Entertainment Weekly.

Cameron tells EW, “I am in the process of writing the next two Avatar films now. We are planning to shoot them together and post them together, and we will probably release them not quite back to back, but about a year apart. Christmas ’14 and ’15 is the current plan.” Of course, it’s probably best to take those release dates with a grain of salt, since the first Avatar had several release dates before its December 2009 release. Still, now fans know that they’ll have to wait at least three more years for a return to Pandora.

Cameron also notes that we’ll see some familiar faces return. “Basically, if you survived the first film, you get to be in the second film, at least in some form,” say the director. One thing’s for sure: some percentage of the presumably-massive Avatar sequel gross will go to charity. “Fox has partnered with me to donate a chunk of the profits to environmental causes that are at the heart of the Avatar world,” says the director. “I didn’t want to make more Avatar movies without a grander plan in place.”

Cameron continued, “That grander plan? Steal Christmas. Now hear me out. I think the Grinch had some great ideas, but ultimately lacked the technological know-how to follow through. What I’m working on is a laser that runs on contrived, easily-predictable plotlines — a limitless resource in my production studios — that will chemically extract the Christmas spirit from innocent children and replace it with an undying desire to watch True Lies on loop ad infinitum. I will then use the profits from the royalties to purchase a mid-sized chunk of land, I’m thinking Manhattan, level it, and open a theme park based on Titanic. Everyday, I will fly in a new iceberg from the Artic, fill a 150%, historically accurate scale model of the ship with underprivileged children, and sink it for my enjoyment in a custom made tank. It’s been a dream of mine since childhood.”

James Cameron recently sat down with Germany’s Der Spiegel for the awesomely Google Translated headline and picture you see above.  The part of the interview that raised eyebrows and possibly monocles was when Cameron dissed the upcoming Peter Berg adaptation of the board game Battleship specifically, saying it “degrades the cinema.”  Ahh, my young Padawan, I see you’ve read the script.

[Translated by WorstPreviews]: “We have a story crisis,” he said (translated). “Now they want to make the ‘Battleship’ game into a film. This is pure desperation. Everyone in Hollywood knows how important it is that a film is a brand before it hit theaters. If a brand has been around, ‘Harry Potter’ for example, or ‘Spider-Man,’ you are light years ahead. And there lies the problem. Because unfortunately these franchises are become more ridiculous. ‘Battleship.’ This degrades the cinema.”

Most of the response so far seem to focus back on Cameron:

Cameron went on to say that the only reason Warner Bros split the last “Harry Potter” book into two films is because the studio knew it would be able to make more money. He called the move “excessive.” Cameron, meanwhile, released “Avatar” in theaters twice, created two separate DVD/Blu-ray editions of the film and is now converting “Titanic” to 3D. [WorstPreviews]

In defense of Battleship, the movie seems to be based on the board game in name only. Though the script written by Jon and Erich Hoeber (Whiteout), with revisions by Brian Koppelman and David Levien (Rounders), is still tightly under wraps, the plot is said to involve an international naval fleet defending the earth from an alien invasion. [ReelzChannel]

Say what you will about James Cameron’s movies, his ego, or his lady hair, but I’ve read the Battleship script.  It is a hate crime.  He could not be more correct on this point.  Making an epic movie with a derivative plot is one thing, spending $200 million on a movie everyone knows is a piece of crap so you can sell more board games is another.  (*fashions ladywig out of mop head in tribute*)  Aw crap, now I have to kill a high-priced hooker for sport, don’t I.

Time for your mom's pelvic exam

This is the trailer for Sanctum, a 3D movie about a cave-diving expedition gone wrong exec produced by James Cameron.  On an expedition to the largest, least accessible underground cave system in the world, a team of divers that includes a world-famous dive master, his 17-year-old son, a hot chick, and a wealthy financier gets trapped inside the cave by a storm.  They’re forced to find a way out the only way they know how: through horrible expository dialog.

“IF THIS CAVE FLOODS MORE THAN 7 INCHES A DAY, THIS CAVERN IS TOAST!”

“TELL ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW!”

Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re James Cameron, how do you top the highest-grossing movie of all time?  You don’t, you just try to make the same thing over again a couple times.  You’d think a guy who made f-you money last year (not to mention f-me, f-your sister, and f any high-priced call girl or Russian peasant I damn well please money) would be able to do what he wants, and James Cameron can, but for whatever reason, he’s always had a bit of a JRR Tolkien bug up his ass about Avatar.  He doesn’t just want to make the movie, he wants to turn it into a trilogy, write the novelizations, invent the language, and draw up an entirely new font for the subtitles to be 3D-projected in.  That is to say, it seems to be a creative decision and not a business decision.  Either that, or hunting human beings for sport is a lot more expensive than we once thought.  First you have to pay off the families, then there’s bribes to the government, the kind of maids that don’t ask questions, then there’s the yacht and the guns and the guys who make booby traps, not to mention the insurance — it never ends!

James Cameron has locked in a  deal with Fox to make Avatar 2 and 3, due in theaters December 2014 and December 2015 respectively.

Said the director in a statement, “Our goal is to meet and exceed the global audience’s expectations for the richness of AVATAR’s visual world and the power of the storytelling. In the second and third films, which will be self contained stories that also fulfill a greater story arc, we will not back off the throttle of AVATAR’s visual and emotional horsepower, and will continue to explore its themes and characters, which touched the hearts of audiences in all cultures around the world.” [HollywoodReporter]

Whoa, I know she died in the first film, but did anyone else just read that as, “Michelle Rodriguez is back, baby!”?   In any case, shrewd business man that I am, I’ve already begun buying stock in the Papyrus font company.

For a while there it seemed like every environmental group was painting its cause as the real-life Avatar, so much so that I sort of tuned out. In so doing, the Xingu River tribes of the Amazon basin got lost in the shuffle.  But over the weekend James Cameron revealed plans to shoot a 3D documentary on the tribes.  The back story is that last week, Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva gave the go ahead to a massive dam project that would dry up a 60-mile stretch of the river, “devastating the indigenous communities that live along it.”  That spurred Cameron to announce his documentary, and makes this a perfect time to revisit the New York Times piece about Cameron’s first visit to the Amazon a few months ago and my God this is amazing:

“The snake kills by squeezing very slowly,” Mr. Cameron said to more than 70 indigenous people, some holding spears and bows and arrows, under a tree here along the Xingu River. “This is how the civilized world slowly, slowly pushes into the forest and takes away the world that used to be,” he added.

As if to underscore the point, seconds later a poisonous green snake fell out of a tree, just feet from where Mr. Cameron’s wife sat on a log. Screams rang out. Villagers scattered. The snake was killed. Then indigenous leaders set off on a dance of appreciation, ending at the boat that took Mr. Cameron away. All the while, Mr. Cameron danced haltingly, shaking a spear, a chief’s feathery yellow and white headdress atop his head.

Oh man.  Does it make me a bad person for finding that account hilarious?  Honestly, I think it’s a pretty cool move for James Cameron to take time out of his busy schedule sewing runway models to each other for his own amusement in the basement of his yacht to go help prevent an environmental disaster… but would it be too much to ask that the natives worship him like a God and give him a portly sidekick who calls him “Mr. Jim”?  Because that would be amazing.