Having produced and directed the two highest-grossing films of all time, you figure James Cameron has enough money to burn just to keep his other money warm. Most recently he became the first man to take a solo journey to the bottom of the ocean on a whim, just chilling with shrimp-like amphipods, changed his whole perspective on shit. So what’s next for the man? Taking his yacht into international waters and hunting high-priced prostitutes with a crossbow? Making a sheath for his pimp cane out of endangered whale penis? He doesn’t share all of his plans, but it’s clear they don’t include making movies. At least, not movies without “Avatar” in the title.

“I’ve divided my time over the last 16 years over deep ocean exploration and filmmaking. I’ve made two movies in 16 years, and I’ve done eight expeditions. Last year I basically completely disbanded my production company’s development arm. So I’m not interested in developing anything. I’m in the ‘Avatar’ business. Period. That’s it. I’m making ‘Avatar 2,’ ‘Avatar 3,’ maybe ‘Avatar 4,’ and I’m not going to produce other people’s movies for them. I’m not interested in taking scripts,” Cameron said about his future plans. “And that all sounds I suppose a little bit restricted, but the point is I think within the ‘Avatar’ landscape I can say everything I need to say that I think needs to be said, in terms of the state of the world and what I think we need to be doing about it. And doing it in an entertaining way. And anything I can’t say in that area, I want to say through documentaries, which I’m continuing. I’ve done five documentaries in the last 10 years, and I’ll hopefully do a lot more. In fact, I’m doing one right now, which is on this, the Deep Sea Challenge project that we just completed the first expedition. So that’ll be a film that’ll get made this year and come out first quarter of next year.” [NY Times via ThePlaylist]

Jesus, the recycled Dances with Wolves plot was tired halfway through the FIRST Avatar, I can’t imagine how thin it will be after FOUR MOVIES. James Cameron is a genius, and certainly has my vote for Sheriff of Ballsville, but I’d rather watch him have sex with my mother than Avatar 4. And that would be hard to watch, because you know Jimmy C likes it rough. In fact, I’d be shocked if he hadn’t punched at least one prostitute in the mouth, just to see if it gave him a boner. Anyway, if his four Avatar movies don’t work out, there’s always asteroid mining. That’s right, asteroid mining. I love James Cameron. He’s the closest thing the world has to Tony Stark/The Most Interesting Man in the World.

The banner image that never gets old.

As previously noted, James Cameron decided that he needed another $500 million to fund his future conquest of the Snorks and the lost city of Atlantis so he re-released Titanic last week in a special new 3D version. And while this special edition has only earned $32 million at the box office thus far – probably because it’s not that great of a movie – people are still going back one more time to hope that Rose doesn’t kill Jack again by making him float in the freezing water.

But people in China are getting the short end of the stick, as they’re missing out on Kate Winslet’s nude scene because the Chinese government is concerned that people will try to reach out and grab her giant 3D breasts. Oh China, a nation of FilmDrunkards.

An official at the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television said: ‘Considering the vivid 3D effects, we fear that viewers may reach out their hands for a touch and thus interrupt other people’s viewing.

‘To avoid potential conflicts between viewers and out of consideration of building a harmonious ethical social environment, we’ve decided to cut off the nudity scenes.’

Cinemagoers took to the internet to express their dismay after watching the new version of James Cameron’s 1997 disaster epic, which won 11 Oscars after its first release.

Offbeat China, a blog about the country’s internet culture, quoted one commenter as saying: ‘I waited 15 years to see 3D boobs, not 3D iceberg.’ (Via the Daily Mail)

Fifteen years? Dude, you have the freaking Internet. There are more breasts available online than there are people in China. But if you’re so desperate to see Winslet’s knockers in 3D, you’re going to have to wait a few more months to pick up the 3D version on Blu Ray. Then you’ll have to spend a few grand on a 3D TV, which will go great with your Laser Disc player and Zip Drives.

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"10-4, I think I see the clit, over."

Like all billionaires, James Cameron eventually got tired of shooting Ukranian hookers with a crossbow, and yesterday became the first person ever to take a solo trip to the deepest point on Earth, the bottom of the Mariana’s trench, a place only visited once before, by Jacques Piccard and U.S. Navy Capt. Don Walsh in 1960. Cameron famously sent a Tweet from the bottom (yeah, billionaires get better wifi than you, are you surprised?), and after murdering the evil king of Atlantis with a trident and impregnating the princess, Cameron promptly returned to the surface and declared, “That was boring.”

Actually, he said he didn’t see anything but tiny shrimp, but that didn’t stop National Geographic from releasing some of the footage from the trip. Some notes:

• The ship squeezes down three inches in length from the pressure, 16,000 pounds per square inch.

• “It was very lunar. Very desolate. My feeling was one of complete isolation from the rest of humanity. I mean, I feel like I literally have gone, in the space of one day, to another planet and come back.”

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Journey to the center of your mom's muff

James Cameron got tired of hunting expensive prostitutes for sport using trained falcons on his private yacht recently, and instead decided to become the first man to take a solo trip to the lowest point on Earth, the 35,756-deep Mariana’s Trench, 200 miles southwest of Guam. Reaching bottom, Cameron tweeted (yes, he tweeted from the bottom of the ocean): “Just arrived at the ocean’s deepest [point]. Hitting bottom never felt so good. Can’t wait to share what I’m seeing [with] you.”

And James Cameron knows a little something about hitting bottom, considering he once ordered a cargo plane to drop a crate full of naked Indonesian boys covered in the finest talcum powder into his backyard, running out of the house screaming THE BOYS ARE HERE! THE BOYS ARE HERE! chasing after them in his footy pajamas, paddling their bottoms with ping pong paddles until the pink flesh shone through the powder, at which point he tossed the boys aside and said “these are spent, order more.” [credit: Doug Stanhope]

The scale of the trench is hard to grasp — it’s 120 times larger than the Grand Canyon and more than a mile deeper than Mount Everest is tall.
Cameron made the dive aboard his 12-ton, lime-green sub called “Deepsea Challenger.” He planned to collect samples for biologists and geologists to study.
The first and only time anyone dove to these depths was in 1960. Swiss engineer Jacques Piccard and U.S. Navy Capt. Don Walsh took nearly five hours to reach the bottom and stayed just 20 minutes. They had little to report on what they saw, however, because their submarine kicked up so much sand from the ocean floor.
The director of “Titanic,” ”Avatar” and other films used a specially designed submarine to dive nearly seven miles, completing his journey a little before 8 a.m. Monday local time, according to Stephanie Montgomery of the National Geographic Society.
He plans to spend about six hours exploring and filming the Trench. [Reuters]

Well, that’s what he planned, anyway. He had to cut his journey three hours short because of a hydraulic leak.

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"Eat my litter box, you dirty sky primate!"

Disney has announced a historic partnership with James Cameron and Jon Landau to bring Avatar-themed attractions to Disney theme parks. Which probably won’t be as much fun as, say, gay Avatar-themed sex parties, but will be fun for the whole family. NOBLE SAVAGES GET IN HALF-PRICE!

If the sign for Pandora-land isn’t in Papyrus font, there is no God.

The first themed “land” will be built at Disney World in Orlando, Florida, with construction expected to start by 2013.
The first Avatar attraction will be inside the Animal Kingdom park. Disney said this was chosen because “with its emphasis on living in harmony with nature, Animal Kingdom is a natural fit for the Avatar stories, which share the same philosophy.”

Yes, because nothing says “living in harmony with nature” like “Orlando, Florida.”

Or, as the Avatards on the Avatar forums put it, “The Na’vi are so pure in everything they do, valueing life to their utmost potential. i would so much rather leave this life style and world to live their ways in their world. I think it would be sad to see us humans currupt the Na’vi into the (sorry to say) monsters most humans have become.” [sic]

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