The red-band trailer for The Goods begins with Jeremy Piven saying “I have hair on my balls and I sell cars. The end.”  I put the over/under on the number of critics using that line as an insult in their reviews at 15.  The jokes still seem pretty easy, the dialog improvised on the spot, and the concept something Will Ferrell and Adam McKay mailed in years ago, but I admit it got a couple chuckles out of me – especially Craig Robinson as a strip-club DJ.

“Couple guys came in here looking for Vanessa, and I got a little bad news for ya, Vanessa is dead.  Here’s Motley Crüe.”

Anyway, I’m sure it won’t change your life, but if you’ve ever read this site you already know I’ve got nothing against the easy jokes.  Plus if you’re anything like me, your life’s already AWESOME.  (*shotguns Tecate, scratches balls*)

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The man on the left masturbating a shiny gold butt plug is Peter Morgan, who CHUD reports will be writing the 23rd James Bond film, along with Neal Purvis and Robert Wade.  Morgan last wrote Frost/Nixon, which I heard was good but didn’t see because I’m allergic to Ron Howard movies, as well as The Queen and Last King of Scotland.

Neal Purvis and Robert Wade previously worked together on Quantum of Solace, Casino Royale, Die Another Day, and The World is Not Enough.

So how do three writers work together on the same screenplay?  My guess is that Morgan will write the first draft, to which Wade and Purvis will add in the references to Aston Martin, Coca Cola, Omega watches, Sony electronics, the Ford Ka, Avon perfumes, Rachel Ray dog food, and the new Gatorade Space Jizz.

It’s nice to see Jeremy Piven taking time out of his busy schedule of being the only competent actor on Entourage.  Here he stars in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, an Anchorman-esque comedy directed by Chappelle Show co-writer Neil Brennan.  He plays a used-car salesman, a role he’s been preparing for by dressing like one for years.  It also stars David Koechner, Ving Rhames, the Asian guy from Knocked Up, and James Brolin, who only a couple years ago was more famous than his son Josh.  Hopefully this will be his triumphant comeback film. But admittedly, the bar’s set pretty high when you’ve played Raven Kelly on Pensacola: Wings of Gold.

(Green band trailer above, R-Rated red-band trailer below)

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As a follow up to my post from this morning about Josh Brolin having Tarantino and Rodriguez film his No Country for Old Men audition, Ufford from WithLeather sent me this article, where the Coen brothers explain that Brolin was cast by mistake.

"Boo-boos," David Merrick called them — those big-time show-business casting mistakes that are never widely publicized. Not errors of taste or tone, but flat-out boners. Robert Urich, for instance, was asked to play Spenser, the TV detective, because the show’s producers had him confused with Robert Conrad… We had waltzed through eleven films before our own first misfire… to round out the cast we hired — we thought — rugged everyman Jim Brolin as Llewelyn Moss, the aging Vietnam vet caught in the middle. Well, there were some red faces on the set the first day of shooting when Jim Brolin’s son Josh showed up to play the part.

It’s a mistake that’s certainly easier to forget than the coathanger scars on my forehead.  And mistake or not, Josh instead of James means at least 50% less Streisand.  Josh’s dad apparently has something wrong with his eyesight.  And his hearing.  And sense of smell.  And his sense of… decency.

So how did they recover?

How could Josh Brolin plausibly be a Vietnam vet? Simple: set the story in 1980 instead of the present day. A quick huddle with production designer Jess Gonchor and, bingo, we’re a period picture. An offer goes out to Shia LaBeouf to replace Tommy Lee Jones as Brolin’s (now young) counterpart. Shia passes, okay, we stick with Tommy Lee, and we make the best of a big age difference. You make it work.

And this way, Ethan’s Wonder Woman lunchbox seemed way less creepy.  Okay, not really.