Edward Zwick directed Defiance and Blood Diamond, but his latest, Love and Other Drugs, is a rom-com about what would happen if one night, suave, chauvinist pharmaceutical sales rep Jake Gyllenhaal (“Jamie Reidy”) and cynical free spirit Anne Hathaway (“Maggie Murdock”) got together and, as they say, bling-banged.  Oh, and lest you think I’m the one making this sound cheesy, here’s the official synopsis from Fox:

Maggie (Hathaway) is an alluring free spirit who won’t let anyone – or anything – tie her down. But she meets her match in Jamie (Gyllenhaal), whose relentless and nearly infallible charm serve him well with the ladies and in the cutthroat world of pharmaceutical sales. Maggie and Jamie’s evolving relationship takes them both by surprise, as they find themselves under the influence of the ultimate drug: love.

Is one of the side effects dismissive wanking?  If I’m still doing this in four hours, call me an ambulance. Anyway, it opens November 24th, but considering you’ve already seen every plot point in the trailer, I don’t know why you’d need to see it again.  Though something tells me this movie was specially designed for people who want to watch the same thing over and over again.

UPDATE/SPOILER ALERT: Commenter Chucky Pisspants claims this film features copious shots of Anne Hathaway’s breasts and she has Parkinson’s disease. I take it back, I’m sold.

[also in HD at Apple]

Every time I think James Franco’s getting a little too up his own ass with his gay art exhibits (and here I mean gay as in actually homosexual-themed, with penises and stuff), he comes back and does a funny video like this.  Well, played, Franco, well played.  Actually, the best part of this is Bill Hader’s Willem Dafoe impression.  And the fact that Sam Raimi’s birthday isn’t until October.

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• 8 things Twilight has ruined besides vampires. |Uproxx|
• I don’t play Halo or know much about Halo, but f*ck me sideways, that is one hell of an awesome Halo sculpture. |GammaSquad|
• 5 ways NBC can save The Office. |SmokingSection|
• So, uh, I guess on True Blood, one of the vampires twisted a chick’s neck around so he could bang her hard without having to look at her face.  Seems perfectly natural. |WarmingGlow|
• The hierarchy of Twilight fandom. Twihardedness. Whatever. |ScreenJunkies|
• A flowchart for determining whether your girlfriend is a post-op tranny. |HolyTaco|
• District 11 is like District 9 for World Cup soccer players. |Atom|
• Vanity Fair just released a movie trivia app for your iPhone. Time to start f*cking people up at Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. |Apple|
• Man freaks out because mall is closed.  Because he’s Canadian, he enunciates and speaks in full sentences. |CollegeHumor|
• 31 enormous fish.  Hey, does it smell like YOUR MOM in here? (*holds hand up for high five*) |Urlesque|
• The 20 biggest financial failures of all time and their director’s post-failure careers. |Pajiba|
• Everyone hates Hitler. |AdultSwim|
• The 9 most secretly badass animals. |Guyism|
• 10 badass movie knives. |Gunaxin|

In this press interview for Prince of Persia, the interviewer asks Jake Gyllenhaal about the correct pronunciation of his name, and he says it’s actually pronounced “yillin-HOO-la hey.”  It’s hard to tell if he’s joking (like pretty much everything with Prince of Persia), but if that’s true, then the spelling of his name shows even more blatant disregard for Phonetics than Laveranues Coles.  I was all set to make fun of it for being Dutch and maybe even bring in the “Händenwaschen Ultra Fail” video from the other day, but then I looked it up and he’s actually Swedish.  Well fine.  All I have to say to that is at least he’s not Dutch, Europe’s pot-smoking gibberish clowns.

[Buzzfeed]

Jerry Bruckheimer movies are kind of like the father who took off when you were a kid, and then when you were like 16, he finally decided he wanted back in your life, so he tries to bribe you with presents.  Only it’s clear he knows nothing about you, because all the gifts he brings you are just some stuff that he read in the newspaper was popular with teenagers.  Hey, how ya doin’, kid?  Ya like parkour?  I hear a lot of the kids are into that nowadays.  What about super slow motion like Watchmen, and bullet close-ups like in Wanted?  My cousin Gina’s kid Terrance, he’s about your age, he can’t get enough of that stuff.  So whaddya say, kid?  C’mon, come give your old dad a hug.

LEAVE ME ALONE, JERRY!  YOU’RE NOT MY REAL FATHER!  EVERYTHING WAS FINE BEFORE YOU SHOWED UP!

Jake Gyllenhaal’s been a gay cowboy, a white Persian, a Marine, a Marine’s brother, a bubble boy, and now he’ll be Broadway Joe (aren’t you impressed I can read IMDB?).  Gyllenhaal has actually been attached to the project like Andy Garcia’s malformed twin for a couple years now.  The only new development is that, according to some Pajiba dork I pantsed in the quad, director James Mangold has been hired, which may kick the project back into high gear.

The project is finally finding some traction, although at this point, Universal Pictures is looking to take another pass at David Hollander’s script before it moves into production.
Where that puts it in Mangold’s queue is an open question — he doesn’t have a go project at the time, and once Gyllenhall finishes filming Source Code for Duncan Jones, he’s got nothing else ready for lensing yet, either. Moreover, the fact that Mangold just came aboard Namath in recent weeks (after it stalled for two years) suggests that it could be warming up for production soon.

Joe Namath is of course the kid from Beaver Falls, PA who rode quarterbacking stints at the University of Alabama under Bear Bryant and the New York Jets (famously guaranteeing victory over the Colts in Super Bowl III) into a literal beaver fall.  Or would it be a figurative beaver fall?  Point is, there were lots of vaginas around.  And probably they were really hairy ones, as that was the style at the time.   Another guy who famously likes hairy vaginas is Mo’Nique’s husband. Where was I?  Right, Joe Namath.  Following his playing career, he again made headlines for trying to kiss sideline reporter Suzy Kolber on live TV and having a nose that resembles a red potato.  Jake Gyllenhaal seems too short and stocky to play him, but one thing they both have in common is sore knees.  Oh right, like you didn’t know I would this into a gay joke somehow.

"Hey, I'm comin' over later, tell your mom not to shower!"