"Reedo boy go away! Stay out my store!"

The Jaden Smith/Jackie Chan Karate Kid remake was partially financed by the Chinese government (see: China Film Group Corps) and went on to gross $360 million worldwide, so why wouldn’t they want to make another one? The entire enterprise was the shameless sequel’s greatest success story. It was set in China and starred famous Kung Fu practitioner Jackie Chan, and they STILL called it KARATE Kid. Now Sony has wrangled poor Zak Penn (X-Men 2, Incredible Hulk), who’s probably a talented screenwriter, to do more of their dirty work. The Republicans bitch about China owning our economy every six minutes, and not one peep about this? Come on, guys, there’s low-hanging fruit here. Snatch the low-hanging fruit from this 12-year-old African-American boy– okay I probably could’ve worded this better.

Columbia Pictures has tapped “The Incredible Hulk” scribe Zak Penn to rewrite its untitled sequel to 2010′s surprise hit “The Karate Kid.”
Ethan Reiff and Cyrus Voris were hired to write a sequel just weeks after director Harald Zwart’s “Karate Kid” reboot took in $55.6 million domestically over its opening weekend. China-set pic went on to gross $359 million worldwide.
While plot details remain under wraps, original stars Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan are expected to reprise their roles, though no deals are currently in place. [Variety]

Phew, thank goodness, I don’t know what I’d do if Jaden Smith didn’t return. I just love it when famous people use their children as an extension of their personal fashion sense. Yo go, Will! You’ve imbued your progeny with such “swag!” Would that ALL of our children could one day wear sneakers with their own pictures on the side. Bullying would end, self-esteem would reign, and we’d all follow our dreams and groove in one groovy drum circle. I hope this trend continues, and three or four years from now we get to see Sly Stallone’s granddaughter, Dakota Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke’s dog in The Expendablets.

Manny was hurt and disappointed when he found out he'd missed funny hat day.

It had been threatened before, but today it’s official: America’s most obnoxiously over-processed father-son duo, Will and Jaden Smith, are teaming up with America’s least-favorite filmmaker, Manny Shyamalan, to make a movie that might finally inspire the populace to rise up en masse and storm Hollywood with torches and pitchforks.

Sony Pictures Entertainment has signed Will Smith and son Jaden Smith to star in an untitled futuristic science fiction adventure film that will be directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Shymalan wrote the script with Gary Whitta [The Book of Eli], and Overbrook’s James Lassiter, Smith, Ken Stovitz and Jada Pinkett Smith will produce with Shyamalan. Shyamalan talked about the project some last fall when he was promoting The Last Airbender, when the project went under the title One Thousand A.E. Back then, Will Smith was only supposed to produce, but now he’s set to star as well.

The story takes place far in the future where a young boy has to navigate an abandoned planet on a space ship that has crashed. On board is his estranged father. [Deadline]

Whoa, daddy issues?  In an M. Night Shyamalan story?  It sounds crazy, but that’s what it says.  When this starts shooting, I say we kidnap Joaquin Phoenix, shoot him full of angel dust, tell him we’re filming the video for his next rap album, spin him around six times, drop him off at the set, hand him a baseball bat and tell him “swing away.”

In news that only a billionaire father could love, Will Smith and Jay-Z are in talks to bring a modernized version of the musical Annie to the big screen, and of course it’s going to star Smith’s daughter, Willow. Because it’s her time to shine. The elder Smiff already launched his son Jaden’s acting career by remaking The Karate Kid, which grossed a ridiculous $350 million while crane-kicking Ralph Macchio’s legacy in the balls.

The involvement of Jay-Z, who previously sampled a classic Annie song for his similarly titled “Hard Knock Life”, makes it evident that the retelling will involve hip hop, which sounds great. Hopefully some unique new takes on the classic soundtrack can distract us from believing that the daughter of an entertainment icon is a poor orphan.

Drop that funky beat for all the chickens in the club, All Hip Hop…

Willow Smith is currently an artist on Jay-Z’s Roc Nation imprint, which is a partnership between the chart-topping rapper and Live Nation, the largest live entertainment company in the world.

She has already had a hit single with the song “Whip My Hair,” which peaked at #11 on Billboard’s Hot 100 Chart.

Only #11? Come on, that song was overproduced to at least be a Top 3 song. Either way, I think a great idea for the Smith family’s next project would be a remake of Look Who’s Talking with their next child as a newborn. Except in this version, Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith will spend millions to give their baby the ability to actually talk to us telepathically. His first thought? “Hoo boy, Tom Cruise is gay.”

At a time when thousands of African children are dying every day from Bieber fever, Paramount has irresponsibly decided to release the trailer for the 3D film about his life and work.  Never Say Never combines home movies with backstage, concert, and interview footage to tell the story of how, through hard work and dedication, this charmed-life 16-year-old was able to succeed against the enormous odds stacked against him, and become a world-famous pop star before he reached puberty.  From the title cards:

THEY SAID IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN…
THEY SAID HE WOULD NEVER MAKE IT…
BUT YOU NEVER STOPPED BELIEVING…

The kid’s been famous since he was 14. Who is this ‘They’?  And where does he get off saying “never?”  At 16, I sometimes worried I’d “never” get pubes. Now look at me. It’s like I sat on a chow dog’s head.

This is an official publicity still. I'm assuming that's the director, but I'm not going to look it up.

Sidenote: Why is Jaden Smith in this?  If he was there to teach J-Beebz basketball, it was a complete failure:

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Ahh, reminds me of my own childhood.

Game over, man, game over.

M. Night Shyamalan is in Hollywood this week putting together his next directorial effort, but it won’t be the secret untitled project he shopped around in June. That script, which came with Bruce Willis, Bradley Cooper and Gwyneth Paltrow loosely attached, never found a buyer and was quietly shelved. [*frownie face*]
Sources are saying Shyamalan is developing an ultra clandestine sci-fi project titled “One Thousand A. E.” at Smith’s Overbrook production company. It would star Smith’s son, Jaden, who headlined the hit remake of “Karate Kid.” There is a key role for a male adult, although sources said Will Smith is not taking it on. As was also the case with recent film “The Last Airbender,” Shyamalan did not write “A.E.” [sic. Shyamalan DID write Airbender, I assume he means Devil, which Shyamalan neither wrote nor directed, but still doomed by putting his name on all the trailers and posters. -Ed.] That honor goes to Gary Whitta, who wrote “The Book of Eli” and a Kurt Russell project in development called “Undying.” [THR]

It’s so nice to see Jaden Smith getting more movie roles.  But you know what they say, if the Smith kids owe their success to anything, it’s… HARD WORK.

Willow Smith has confessed that she is proud of herself for having secured a record deal at such a young age.
“It felt like all the hard work paid off, mostly that,” she told MTV News about the signing.
“Like all the hard work that I’ve done, like recording ‘Whip My Hair’ – it’s paid off.” [DigitalSpy]

I know, I know, it’s probably unfair take an out-of-context-quote and use it against a 9-year-old.  She’s 9, she doesn’t know any better.  But hey, I’m not the one who named her after myself and had her make a music video like a f*cking sociopath.

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