Incredible, isn’t it?  He really has the silhouette down pat.

Backstory: Platinum Dunes, a company partially owned by Michael Bay that makes mediocre, unnecessary remakes of classic horror movies for easy money, is doing a remake of Nightmare on Elm Street.  Jackie Earle Haley, who was an epic badass in Watchmen, is playing Freddy Krueger, which makes me feel ever so slightly bad about the fact that I’m definitely not going to see this ever.

[via MySpace]

• This summer… Jason Statham… has diabetes.  Now, if Jason Statham has diabetes, shouldn’t he get his medication from a cat who looks like Wilford Brimley?  Makes perfect sense to me. [CollegeHumor]
• Jackie Earle Haley will play Freddy Krueger in the remake. Good for him.  Still don’t care about horror remakes. [ScreenJunkies]
• How to look amazing and attract girls. [HolyTaco]
• 5 more of the most disturbing animals on Earth. [Atom]
• Apparently ShoWest has awards. Zac Efron won one. So did Sienna Miller, Dennis Quaid, Tits Whatserface from The Hills, and Rumer Willis.  They should call these the People Who Showed Up Awards.  [DailyFill]
• That’s right, DUELING EASTER BUNNY movies.  If only it were just one movie in which bunnies dueled.  [THR]
• Interview with a professional food-eater guy. [BullzEye]
• “Like a Boss” is my favorite digital short in a while.  [WarmingGlow]

Thanks to RoboPanda for the picture

First things first: I didn’t read the graphic novel, and though I have a vague idea what’s in it, if you’re looking an outline of all the differences between the book and the movie or how faithful the film is to the book, look elsewhere.  And anyway, it’s a movie, it’s not your boyfriend.  Queer.

Now then: the ending sucks, it’s a little too long, and by the end the story’s loose ends dangle like retarded squid tentacles (rather than being all tied up in a pretty, glitter-covered package like the strippers in my basement).  But Watchmen is a SUCCESS. It’s worth watching and re-watching despite its flaws, on the strength of the fictional universe it creates, the chances it’s willing to take, and the random people it’s willing to kill in gruesome and hilarious ways.  The film has balls.  And though it pains me to say it, Zack Snyder just might be the visionary they’ve made him out to be.

Watchmen takes place in an alternate 1985, a world in which superheroes are real and Nixon is still president (because the superheroes helped him win Vietnam, you see).  Meanwhile, these events have exacerbated the Cold War, and the world is on the brink of nuclear apocalypse.  It can’t be overstated, the setting is the star of the film.  Probably 99% of the time, what you get in movies is a cinematic universe that’s either wholly fictional, or a world that’s more or less the same as the real one.  Watchmen treads a middle line, which is different and compelling in and of itself, and for the most part it manages to get the best of worlds.  It feels familiar and the history is relevant, but it’s still an escapist fantasy in which anything can happen, and it’s okay that part of you was amused when that pregnant chick got shot (maybe? not even a little?).

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