The new Karate Kid trailer has arrived. My favorite part is when Jackie Chan tells Will Smiff’s son, “I will teach you real Kung Fu.”  And the next three shots are:

A guy doing the splits on a railing with a giant fan:

A guy levitating Indian-style in the rain:

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The cool thing about being a ridiculously wealthy celebrity is that if you like a movie, you can just put your kid in it, like movie karaoke.  On that note, here’s the first trailer for Jaden Smith/Jackie Chan’s THE Karate Kid (the ‘The’ is very important), which the soundtrack promises will Linkin Pork you in the ears.  The plot is that Jaden’s mom moves him to Beijing, where he soon finds out that Chinaman no rikey reedo brack boy, and old women are always elbowing him in the ribs on the subway (I’m just speculating here).  So Jackie Chan comes and teaches him Kung Fu.  Or maybe Karate.  It’s a little unclear.  What’s the one where Asian dudes kick each other?

And then at the end, Jaden Smith sees Jackie Chan trying to catch flies with chopsticks, and he’s all “It’s like Star Wars and you’re Yoda.”  No, dumbf-ck, it’s more like Karate Kid.

(“Stay out my store!”)

I realize the fact that Jackie Chan’s The Spy Next Door exists isn’t exactly news, but when Ufford snapped this picture of this ad in his neighborhood, even knowing that such a movie existed wasn’t enough to prepare me for the poster.  Billy Ray Cyrus and George Lopez?  Isn’t the goal of these things to make you want to see the movie?  It might as well say “Gallagher and a Tuba!”

(“Dere, now you stay out my store!  I tew you million time you buy or you leave!  My store not ribrary!  Riddo brack boy stay dis side wall unress you want buy!”)

Courtesy of /Film, here are a few more pictures from Sony’s Karate Kid remake starring Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan.  Once again I must point out that Karate is Japanese, so having a black kid do karate on top of the Great Wall is kind of the equivalent of a bunch of Arabs playing cricket at ground zero. Sort of.

People Magazine has the first picture of Will Smith’s son Jaden and Jackie Chan on the set of Karate Kid or Kung Fu Kid or whatever the hell it’s going to be called.  People calls it Karate Kid, but it’s set in China and features Kung Fu, which would be like doing a remake of NYPD Blue and calling it Mounties.

“I trained every day for four months with Master Wu [the film's fight coordinator],” Jaden, 11, tells PEOPLE as he takes on his first leading role as an American boy named Dre Parker who moves to China. “We did a lot of stretching.”

As the two stars built a dynamic relationship on screen, the teacher and student bond translated into real life. “Jaden had a lot of respect for me as his teacher, even off the set,” says Chan. “He is professional as many adult actors who have been in the business for years.”

A flexible young African American boy, a firm but patient Asian man… I like where this is headed.  *does kata in the nude*