(Haven’t you heard?  It’s super lazy Photoshop Friday.)

Opening this weekend:

Year One
Jack Black and Michael Cera are cavemen, David Cross is Cain.  Seeing some bad reviews for this, and sure, I could’ve done without Harold Ramis planting the camera an inch from everyone’s face, and the endings of a couple scenes apparently never made it to the final cut… But whatever, it had its moments.  “You know what the best part of Sodom is?  The sodomy.”

The Proposal
Director Anne Fletcher’s long awaited follow up to 27 Dresses.  Two attractive people forced together by circumstance?  I wonder what will happen! She has to pretend to be attracted to Ryan Reynolds?  Ew, his chiseled features and washboard abs are so icky!  These romantic comedies are so unpredictable.  Betty White’s in it too.  Get it?  It’s funny because she’s old.

Whatever Works
Woody Allen directs Larry David.  I wonder if it’s about being neurotic and Jewish.

Heavy Metal was a 1981 film founded on the idea that the only thing better than tits is tits, fire, and aliens.  Such timeless themes are bound to come back, which is why it had a sequel in 2000, and now there’s a new version in the works.  The surprising thing is the amount of talent rumored to be involved.  Heavy Metal magazine editor Kevin Eastman recently said in an interview with FilmSchoolRejects…

I’ve got breaking news that David Fincher and James Cameron are going to be Co-Executive Producers on the film. Fincher will direct one. Cameron will direct one. Zack Snyder is going to direct one and Gore Verbinski is going to. [Kung Fu Panda director] Mark Osborne and Jack Black from Tenacious D are going to do a comedy segment for the film. Three other directors have agreed but we haven’t signed them, but they’re equally as jaw-dropping. So we’re on cloud nine to be working with such an amazing amount of talent.”

It just goes to show, everyone will show up when you’ve got chicks sword fighting with their boobs out.  It’s something I try to remember every time I throw a house party, bris, or quinceñera.

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I’ve got the new trailer for Year One after the jump.  It’s got a solid cast (Cera, Black, David Cross, Paul Rudd) and was co-written by Office writers Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, but it was also directed by Harold Ramis, whose last three movies were the Ice Harvest, Analyze That, and Bedazzled (yes, a Brendan Fraser joint).  The setting should provide lots of material, but let’s hope they avoided the annoying LET’S WRITE 50 GAGS INTO EVERY SCENE! tendency.  That only works in porno.
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EW this week has a new batch of publicity stills from 2009 movies and I’ve included a few of my favorites below.  Above you can see Wolverine (trailer here) loudly protesting his lack of suds and rubber ducky.  He can be really immature sometimes.  Elsewhere, you can see Jack Black and Michael Cera in The Year One.  They play…

Zed and Oh, hunter-gatherers who are banished from their village and wander through scenes from the Old Testament, encountering the likes of Cain and Abel (David Cross and Paul Rudd) and Abraham (Hank Azaria). Asked if he expects the film’s religious satire to offend, [Caddyshack/Groundhog Day director Harold] Ramis laughs: ”I hope so!”

We’ve also got Tom Hanks in Angels and Demons (trailer) looking like he and Nic Cage share the same forehead surgeon; Meryl Streep playing Julia Child, who apparently was six foot two, in Julia and Julia — what, Sigourney Weaver was busy?  And then there’s the Jonas Brothers in The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience.  I know it’s become almost passé to call the Jonas Brothers queer, but holy hell the Jonas Brothers are queer.  Here’s a tip, boys, if you want to be seen as respected musicians, try not to look so much like a f-ckin Mervyn’s ad.  Secondly, go f-ck yourselves.

[More pics over at Entertainment Weekly]

Jack Black has signed on to star in a comedic take on The Bourne Identity to be written by a couple of the writers on Kung Fu Panda.

In a sort of comedic “The Bourne Identity,” the live-action film centers on Black as an American who finds himself washed up on the shores of Cuba with no idea of who he is and how he got there. He comes to the conclusion that he must be a superspy, which is far from the truth.

Universal picked up the project as a pitch in a seven-figure deal.

SEVEN FIGURES.  That’s at least a million dollars for going, “Hey, what if Jason Bourne thought he was a superspy… but he wasn’t!“  They changed one goddamn plot element.  Here, I got one:  Hey, what if… Dane Cook… has to go on a date… with a rapping chihuahua!  Gimme gimme gimme gimme