Oh, Isla Fisher. I’ve loved that spunky little firecrotch ever since I saw Wedding Crashers, and the crazy thing is, she can actually act. She’s married to Sacha Baron Cohen and it seems like she’s a big enough star to find decent projects, but her last movie was Confessions of a Shopaholic with Jerry Bruckheimer. But she’s got a new one on the way. From THR:
Universal Pictures has picked up “Desperados,” a comedy spec from Ellen Rapoport that will act as a potential starring vehicle for Isla Fisher.
The story is set in motion when a woman sends an indignant e-mail to her new beau, who’s gone silent after they have sex. When she discovers he’s comatose in a Mexican hospital, she races south of the border with her friends in tow to intercept the e-mail before he recovers. The project has been described as a female-oriented “Hangover.”
I don’t get it, do people who write about movies actually ever see movies? That doesn’t sound anything like The Hangover. But it sounds exactly like Road Trip, where Breckin Meyer has to get the sex tape he made with Amy Smart that he accidentally sent his girlfriend, and who hasn’t been there? Remember that? I feel like maybe part of the problem with Hollywood is that the trades are written for an audience that doesn’t remember anything before six months ago. I also don’t have high hopes for projects that can be boiled down to five words or less (Road Trip with chicks!) unless those five words are “Megan Fox ass to ass.” Also, how do you intercept an email? Do you have to go inside the internet like Tron? Maybe this will be good after all.
A day with not one but TWO Jerry Bruckheimer trailers? What God did I please! This one’s the international trailer for Confessions of a Shopaholic, and while I think that little firecrotch Isla Fisher is sexy as hell (not to mention a pretty good actress), the only thing worse than this trashy, obnoxious ode to obnoxious trash is its timing. Economy in the shitter? Banks failing, credit drying up? Gosh, I can’t think of a better environment to release a film about some rich twat who can’t stop buying shiny shoes. My releases, meanwhile, are always perfectly timed. (Just before the kid wakes up).
Oops. (So literal!)
It seems Confessions of a Shopaholic (trailer here)’s awful timing goes beyond looking exactly like The Devil Wears Prada, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and Sex in the City.
People familiar with the production say that what could have been a valentine to brands and a love affair of soft marketing dollars now is causing some hand-wringing at the Bruckheimer bungalows. The Dow is repeatedly shown cresting 12,000 points. One character secures a massive credit line he doesn’t need just to show off how powerful he is. And Hollywood talent reps familiar with the project say that concocting a new ending in some way acknowledges the uncertain economic climate is also being considered.
A studio spokeswoman, Heidi Trotta, wouldn’t comment on marketing plans, but said Disney was not making any changes to the film, which wrapped in May. But several marketing executives at rival studios, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said Disney has a tough and tricky sell ahead. [Ad Age - Thanks to John Wayne IADH for the tip]
Mmm, those soft, supple marketing dollars… **sticks dollar bill down pants, ejaculates**
Anyway, the article goes on to say that the film also name drops countless brands and designers but apparently never made deals to get paid by any of them. All in all, it appears to be headed for disaster. And thank God. This is a Jerry Bruckheimer production, an especially contrived ripoff of other chick flicks engineered to capitalize on past successes without having an actual heart of its own. Basically, the Hillary Clinton of movies. I guess what I’m saying is that if after this fails, Jerry Bruckheimer could also get buttf-cked to death by a rhinoceros, that’d be pretty nice.
[Picture source = Brokerswithhandsontheirfaces]
The new Confessions of a Shopaholic trailer premieres this weekend attached to Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist. An adaptation of the best-selling book series, producer Jerry Bruckheimer promises to bring the same brainless cheeseball approach to chick flicks as he does to movies about pirates, or treasure, or pirate treasure.
After losing her job, Becky applies to be a writer at a Condé Nast fashion glossy. Instead, she is hired for a financial magazine, a position that is way beyond her qualifications. In the big-screen version, her boss is also her love interest (Hugh Dancy of The Jane Austen Book Club).
So let me get this straight, she’s a young professional woman living in Manhattan who’s obsessed with designer clothes, doing a job that’s way over her head for a famous magazine, and she’s in love with her handsome boss? This is all so new, it’s a lot to process. If only she had some girlfriends with whom to share the good times and the bad…
Borat portrayer and Kosher-keeping Jew Sacha Baron Cohen* got his first Hanukkah present today, a lawsuit from the guy in the above clip.
Michael Psenicska said he was paid $500 in cash to give Borat a driving lesson. He described the experience as "surreal," saying Cohen drove erratically down residential streets, drank alcohol and yelled to a female pedestrian he would pay her $10 for "sexy time."
The lawsuit seeks $400,000 in actual damages and additional punitive damages for misleading Psenicska and for emotional harm he continues to suffer. Psenicska said if he had known the true nature of the film, he never would have participated. [Reuters]
Oh cry us a f*cking river, dude. You got paid $500 bucks AND ended up a movie star. Not to mention managing to come off as the sanest one in the whole movie. For $500, you should be happy to blackout and wake up in the strangest of places with all manner of non-sharp objects up your ass (hookers tell me the sharp stuff costs an extra thou),
What hell kind of name is Psenicska, anyway? It sounds communist to me. There are a suspicious number of consonants. Plus, his big vagina is always covered in red.
Learn to use the Nigerian scam like everyone else next time you’re short on cash, you whiney dicklicker.
*Forgot to include "Despicable Isla Fisher Defiler" I’m not usually down with short chicks, but God I love her.
