Robopanda helped kick off the let’s-improve-older-movies-with-Iron-Man-and-AC/DC trend yesterday, with Iron Man punching Hugh Grant in the face. Today it continues, with Iron Man dirty dancing with Patrick Swayze.  Yes, yes, nobody puts Iron Man in a corner and all that.  If it sounds a little gay, it’s not, because there’s AC/DC playing over top of the whole thing.  AC/DC can un-gay anything.  You could be at a mojito bar in Chelsea watching Glee with your a cappella group, but you crank up some AC/DC on a boombox, next thing you know, BOOM!  Tits and whiskey.  I listen to AC/DC while I’m blowing guys, it’s awesome.

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The latest from Onion News — rumor that Gwyneth Paltrow gets punched in Iron Man 2 takes anticipation for the movie to a whole new level.  Hey, you can’t go wrong with wishful thinking about Gwyneth Paltrow getting punched.

DAILY CIRCLE JERK LINKS

• Five ways social networks and their users butt heads. Ha, buttheads. |Uproxx|
• Wanna see Iron Man beat up Hugh Grant? Of course you do. |GammaSquad|
• New dating show, “Baggage” set to premiere, narrowly beating out “Daddy Issues” and “Smelly Genitals.” |WarmingGlow|
• The top 29 cities to live in.  I just know Fresno finally made the list this year…  |AskMen|
• 22 pictures of cats eating cheeseburgers and cats wearing cheeseburgers. |Urlesque|
• Some skank is trying to date Jeremy Shockey, on purpose. |Asylum|
• Cosplay pictures from C2E2 in Chicago. |ComicsAlliance|
• The black viking goes to the AVN Awards. |DoubleViking|
• Drunk girl goes cliff diving.  You know who’s probably happy about this? Cliff.  Waka waka waka! |CollegeHumor|
• A tribute to Frederick J. Krueger. |Gunaxin|
• Lindsay Lohan owes $600,000 in credit card debt.  Poor thing. |Fark|
• An iPhone 4G??? ZOMG! |HolyTaco|
• The updated actuals from this weekend have Kick-Ass beating How to Train Your Dragon for the #1 spot, though it still underperformed, like my penis. |ScreenJunkies|

Pictured: 100 years ago, this guy was so fat he was a sideshow freak.  Today, he’s considered an average movie blogger. |via Neatorama|

Oh look, they made a statue of me.

Once again, I’d just like to take a moment to silently thank the heavens or whatever pagan horse God I pleased to make the existence of Mickey Rourke possible.

SOME actors take a gruelling method acting route to prepare for gritty roles, other hardened thesps opt for a menthol stick to help provoke tears but for Mickey Rourke, all he needed was a photo of his dead pet. Sherlock Holmes star Robert Downey Jr, 45, was baffled by the acting methods used by Oscar-nominated Rourke while working with him on Iron Man 2.

“He would have someone holding pictures of recently deceased pets off camera to make him feel sad or whatever for a scene,” says Robert. “It was all serious stuff. I’ve never seen anything like it.” [DailyExpress]

I assume the dog in question is Loki (pictured above and below left), who passed away last February (the white one is named Jaws).  …What?  Stop looking at me like that.  Shut up, I had something in my eye.  It must be dusty in here.

I can’t help it, I want to hug Mickey Rourke so bad, even though I know he probably smells like cigarettes and bronzer.  Still, I have to admit, you could probably replace Mickey Rourke with Hitler in this picture and I’d still think, “Aw, what a sweet guy.”

"Squaaawk, this phone's not even plugged in. Squaaawk."

Iron Man 2 just released a new batch of stills to Yahoo, which would be boring but for one thing: reminding me that Mickey Rourke’s character gets drunk and talks to a parrot.  I’ve reported this before, but ThePlaylist has a nice breakdown:

From all reports, Rourke was a tad difficult on the set of “Iron Man 2,” which is otherwise a reportedly fun and amicable set. Rourke apparently showed his method-like peculiarity by insisting his Russian career-criminal character Whiplash could boast a nefarious pet cockatoo as some kind of sidekick that we can see in these new pictures.

Apparently this was Rourke’s way of coloring-up the character. “I told [Jon] Favreau, ‘I don’t want to just play him as a one-dimensional pussy,’” Rourke told EW earlier this year. “He let me have a cockatoo, who I talk to and get drunk with while I’m making my suit.”

It’s easy to make fun of Rourke thinking the solution to one-dimensional pussyism is a Cockatoo, but I think he’s onto something.  Let’s think about this:  You see any guy walking down the street with a shaved chest and white highlights in his hair, you probably think, “Pussy.”  But add a parrot to the same guy’s shoulder with whom he’s drunkenly carrying on a conversation… Suddenly you’re like, “Whoa, I bet that guy has some stories.”

Apparently that’s Favreau playing Happy Hogan, Tony Stark’s bodyguard.  That’s the suitcase armor he’s carrying.

Here’s a picture of a new Kick-Ass subway poster that I took myself.  (The hardest part was cleaning the Cheeto residue of my cell-phone camera).  Whoever is doing the posters for this movie deserves a raise.  It’s simple, eye-catching, aesthetically pleasing, and gets the name and release date across.  Compare that to the kind of poster you usually see:

This was on cable last night, and the poster is an accurate representation of the film.  In that both appear to have been made by third graders.  Sample line: “She’s going to lose her sh*t like a sh*t collector with amnesia.”  Woof.  Someone thought that was clever. And that was probably one of the better lines.  Dane Cook’s character is named “Tank Turner”, by the way. Anyway, check out the rest of the Kick-Ass banners below, plus a new Iron Man 2 poster from Wonder-Con, which highlights the film’s most important star, Scarlett Johansson’s right tit.

[via IMPA, ComingSoon]