In an epic undertaking, Screenrant recently cut together this super trailer for 24 films all opening this summer.  I say epic because the soundtrack is fortified with epic opera gasps, which usually means you’re about to watch some incredible sh*t go down, like batman flying off the top of a building, or a couple of cage fighters touch dick tips.  But in this case in means you’re about to see footage from:

Inception — Iron Man 2 — Robin Hood –Predators — Scott Pilgrim vs. the World — Salt — Knight & Day –The A-Team — MacGruber– The Sorcerer’s Apprentice — Killers – Splice — The Other Guys — The Karate Kid — Shrek Forever After — Toy Story 3 — Despicable Me — The Last Airbender — The Expendables — The Twilight Saga: Eclipse — Dinner for Schmucks — Get Him to the Greek — Grown Ups — Sex and the City 2

Of course, some of them don’t quite fit the “much-anticipated blockbuster” bill.  For instance: Grown Ups, in which Kevin James’ daughter asks him “Daddy, did you make a sissy?” (his new epitaph)  Or Nic Cage as a Man Witch, or Tom Cruise in I Hope They Don’t Serve Gays in There.  Those don’t need epic opera gasps so much as a slide whistle and whoopie cushion.

TONIGHT WE DINE AT TACO BELL!

Yeah? Sorry, bird's busy. Can I take a message?

When I think “Mickey Rourke burger,” I think a hearty back slap, a juicy high ball, and a slice of foul-mouthed straight talk, served on a gust of cigarette breath with a side of tiny dogs.  As appetizing as that sounds, Burger King ignored all of it when creating their new Whiplash burger, based on Mickey Rourke’s drunken, parrot-berating character from Iron Man 2.

This limited-time addition to the BK^® menu captures the sharp edge of the film’s villain, Whiplash, with an intense, red-hot flavor combination featuring a flame-broiled WHOPPER^® sandwich topped with melted Pepper Jack cheese, crispy red peppers and spicy mayonnaise. The fiery sandwich will be available for a suggested price of $3.79 at participating restaurants throughout the four-week promotion.

I could see eating that, possibly for my late-night, Taco-Bell-inspired fourthmeal (thanks, Taco Bell, before it was just called “being a fat stoner”).  But why only four weeks?  What am I supposed when they discontinue the sandwich after I’m already hooked?  Go back to eating regular Whoppers? Please, I’d rather lick a subway pole (no homo).

In the national adult television commercial, the King armors up with a futuristic “Iron Man” suit. In the spot, the “Iron King” introduces the latest technologies from the BURGER KING brand to the curious visitors at the Stark Expo. In his quest to deliver high-tech value with flame-fresh taste via another new great product, the Buck Double sandwich, he ends up wreaking havoc at the Expo.*

The Iron King sounds pretty sweet, so no complaints there. (He’s successfully privatized national deliciousness!) But I ask, would not a better commercial just be The King and Mickey Rourke makin’ it rain in a strip club?

*The press release comes from IESB, who wondered “Isn’t Mickey Rourke a vegetarian?”  The answer is no (as far as I can tell).  He did some commercials for PETA (below), but they were for neutering your dogs, not going veg.  He also recently bought a cockatoo and named it “Elvis.” (Cue ‘More You Know’ music)

Read the rest of this entry »

With the release of Iron Man 2 just two weeks away, the studio has released more new clips than I can shake my dick at.  I exaggerate, but there are a lot.  I’ve attached them all after the jump, including the new one that shows Tony Stark in his suitcase armor.  If you’re wondering how Whiplash, with no armor, can compete with a fully-armored Iron Man, the answer is that Whiplash is Russian.  Vodka + not giving a f*ck = the strength of military-grade steel. It’s science, ask my uncle.

Meanwhile, AMC Theatres is announcing an Iron Man double feature in select cities, so you can see Iron Man 1 before the midnight showing of Iron Man 2.  That way by the time the second one starts, you won’t be all, “Wait, why is there iron mans? How does iron mans form?”

In other Iron Man news, Marvel prez Kevin Feige says that Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow character getting her own spinoff movie is “definitely possible.  Absolutely.”   I don’t know how I feel about Scarlett Johansson trying to carry an entire movie, unless it’s about girl who loves to shower.  Like, a lot. Is that a possibility, Mr. Feige? Guh, these nerds never ask the good questions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Moviefone got a hold of this new short clip from Iron Man 2.  It shows Pepper Paltrow and Tony Stark hanging out at his house while his bodyguard, Happy Hogan, played by Jon Favreau (I’ve heard all the best bodyguards are short, chubby guys with Jew fros), teaches Scarlett Johansson aka Natalie Rushman aka Natasha Romanov how to box.

So what’s the deal with Johannsson’s character and her two names?  (Possible minor spoilers to follow, so no whining).  By most accounts, it appears her character is “an undercover agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. posing as Tony Stark’s assistant.”   Hence, I’m guessing, the two names.  I sincerely hope they don’t try to pull that Die Hard 3 bullsh*t, where the bad guy can go undercover with a perfect American accent, but whenever they’re hanging around their buddies, they slip back into their normal, thick German (or in this case Russian) accents.  Really, Hollywood?  Is that how accents work?  All foreigners can speak perfect English, but only when they want to?  You should hang out with my grandpa.

Read the rest of this entry »

Lobster Dog is my version of a halo

According to the LA Times, the late DJ AM, who died in August, will have a cameo in Iron Man 2, a scene in which he plays himself DJing a party at Tony Stark’s house.  Except it’s kind of a bummer, him being all dead and sh*t now.

There are a number of celebrity cameos in “Iron Man 2″ that will inspire some audience giggles (Bill O’Reilly has a memorable moment, for instance, and comics icon Stan Lee shows up with a particularly inspired disguise), but there’s also one that might be met with some gasps: The late Adam Goldstein, a.k.a. DJ A.M., is at the center of a key scene in the film, a fact that gives the summer blockbuster a bittersweet backbeat.
The decision to leave the scene in the film’s final cut was a difficult one for director Jon Favreau, who invited Goldstein to the set last spring and found a fast friend in the turntable auteur. After the jolting death of Goldstein in late August, Favreau was unsure whether the cameo would be perceived as a fitting farewell or just a crass distraction amid a popcorn adventure.
“We tried to make it respectful, and for people who know him, they’ll get a kick out of it and for people who don’t, it will sort of slide by without much notice,” Favreau said Wednesday, still choosing his words carefully.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, “bittersweet backbeat?”  Let’s relax with the purple prose there, LA Times.  I’ve heard nothing but nice things about DJ AM, but if he’s a “Turntable Auteur”, I’m a Cat Photoshop Visionary.