Joining a cast that already includes Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, B.J. Novak and is close to deals with Simon Pegg, Nastassja Kinski, and David Krumholtz, Mike Myers has signed on for a role in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Bastards.

Myers will play British Gen. Ed Fenech, a military mastermind who takes part in hatching a plot to wipe out Nazi leaders. [Variety]

Reached for comment, Tarantino said of his choice, "Yeah, because like, in Austin Powers, he played Fat Bastard, right?  Who was like this big fat fucking Scottish scary monster motherfucker, right?  Who was so fat he wanted to eat a fuckin midget.  I mean this cat was so. fuckin. fat, that he couldn’t even eat like, regular fuckin’ people food anymore, right?  Big Macs, Double doubles, quarter pounders with cheese, fuckin Whoppers, McChickens, the Arch Deluxe, Arby’s roast beef and cheddar, stuffed crust pizza, Santa Fe Gorditas, the fuckin McRib that they can’t figure out whether to keep – it’s in, it’s out, it’s in, it’s out, I mean what the fuck?  But none, and I mean none, of that shit can fill this dude up.  I mean we’re talkin morning, noon and night it’s just food food food food food food food food food food food food, and it’s to the point where he wants to eat, like, an actual person, right?  And not even the regular way with like a fuckin knife and fork, this motherfucker just wants to open his jaws like a fuckin snake and drop the midget right into his massive. fuckin. gullet.  I mean if fatness were cool this cat would be Elvis. If fatness were cone-shaped tittles this motherfucker would be Madonna. And not like, fuckin Kaballah Madonna where she’s rappin about fuckin pilates and and yoga and teaching third world kids how to use iPods and shit, we’re talking fuckin blonde. ambition. era Madonna here, between the Lucky Stars and Erotica tours…"

With Quentin Tarantino busy casting famous Jews in his Jewish Dirty Dozen WWII homage Inglorious Bastards, you’re probably wondering why we haven’t heard anything about Adam Sandler.  Or not.  Either way, the story is that Tarantino offered Sandler a part, but Sandler turned it down to work on Funny People with Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen.

Sandler had long been rumoured to take a major role in the Tarantino-scripted movie which the director has been planning for nearly a decade.

Asked had he been in talks with Tarantino, he told RTÉ.ie: "Yeah it’s true. It is, and I read the script, it’s fantastic. But I’m shooting at the very same time. I won’t be able to do it. I’m doing a movie with Judd Apatow at the same time so that’s not going to happen, but I did read it. It is awesome." [RTE]

Well that sucks. The last couple movies I didn’t hate Sandler in were non-comedy roles, and the last time he worked with Judd Apatow we got You Don’t Mess With the Zohan.  Then again, a script meeting with Tarantino these days probably lasts well into the morning and involves several 40 minutes tangents about Switchblade Sisters, so I can see how you’d want to avoid that. 

As previously speculated, Brad Pitt has been officially confirmed as the lead in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Bastards.  Pitt will play Lieutenant Aldo Raine, head of the Jewish resistance.

Pitt’s character is a voluble, freewheeling outlaw in the manner of Samuel L. Jackson’s Jules Winnfield in "Pulp Fiction," prone to saying things like "we’re gonna be doing one thing, and one thing only, and that’s killing Nazis," according to those familiar with the script. [THR]

You can read big chunk of Pitt’s dialogue from the script here.  Jesus, I just re-read that monologue and I gotta say: good luck you handsome, hot-wife-having bastard. Because that coke-fueled mess of a script is gonna be a five-hour movie, even if you don’t assume all those commas are meant as dramatic pauses.  

Eli Roth has become the first cast member of Quentin Tarantino’s horribly-spelled war epic Inglorious Bastards. Variety reports that Roth, a Boston Jew himself, will play Sgt. Donnie Donowitz, "A tough guy from the Boston area who uses no other weapon but a baseball bat" (via JoBlo). Tarantino reportedly still wants Brad Pitt for the lead, but now says the part he previously wanted Leonardo DiCaprio for should go to a German actor (Karl Hungus, anyone?).

Despite the fact that Eli Roth is the only Hollywood director to ever email me directly (I even stole his Sacha Cohen joke this morning), I don’t really have anything to add to this story.  But it does give me an excuse to post his short but awesomely stupid part in Cabin Fever.  One day I too hope to become a professor.  Of being a dog. 

Lost amid the Dark Knight hullabashitstorm this weekend was the limited release of Death Defying Acts, a biopic of Harry Houdini starring Guy Pearce and Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas-Nahasapeemapetalon.  The $20 million dollar biopic received middling reviews, and grossed $5,000 on two screens.   That also makes three magic-themed posts in a row for those keeping score at home.

The big miss added to The Weinstein Brothers slump.  Since splitting with Disney in late 2005, they’ve bought Grace is Gone for $4 million, which made $50,000, and spent $54 million on Grindhouse, which earned $25 million.  Of course, that doesn’t take into account DVD sales. 

Genius Products, the Weinstein brothers’ DVD distribution arm, has lost over $50 million since the Weinstein Company exchanged film rights for a 70 per cent stake in Genius in 2006. The Weinstein Company is now delaying taking some film-distribution payments to redress Genius’s short-term losses.

I don’t understand fancy money talk, are they gonna make someone where a dress?  Anyway, let’s hope they don’t hit the poorhouse before they make Inglorious Bastards.  Things are looking pretty bad for the Weinsteins – an inside source tells me it’s getting so that their yacht waiters can barely afford matching aprons.