That's not a green screen

You may not remember through the haze of booze, pills, and indiscriminate hobo sex, but back in 2008, I posted a clip of a zombie fighting a shark. This was not done through special effects, unless you consider sticking an actor inside a shark tank a special effect. The clip came from Lucio Fulci’s 1980 film Zombie — why wouldn’t you call it “Zombie Shark Fight?” Sell the sizzle, man! — and thanks to a recent re-release, you’ll be able to see it in theaters this weekend at special midnight showings in advance of its DVD and Blu-Ray release next week (October 25th, to be precise). I’ve got the list of theaters and more pictures and video after the jump.

“Fulci put a stuntman dressed as a zombie in a tank with a live shark and made them fight – it’s one of the craziest, most insane and irresponsible scenes ever put on film. This was 1980, years before CG. And the zombie wins! To this day, nobody knows how in the hell he did it, it’s simply jaw-dropping. There’s nothing you will see in any modern zombie movie that comes close to what Fulci did in 1980.” – Eli Roth. [from the press release]

Based on my extensive knowledge of racial stereotypes from the 30s, I think I can imagine it went down. (EXCLUSIVE!):

STUNTMAN: But-a mister-a Fulci, how-a Guiseppe guana fight-a di shark? My mama, she barely-a teach-a me to swim! Please, Guiseppe got-a keeds to-a feed!

LUCIO FULCI: Guiseppe! Testaduro! How many-a time Lucio guana tell-a you? You dona a-gotta FIGHT-a di shark, you-a just-a gotta SWEEM with-a di shark. The shark, she wont-a even-a be-a hungry. We fill-em uppa good, with-a my mama’s a-meataballs!

STUNTMAN: …With-a… you mama‘s a-meataballs? Mamma mia! Everyone-a know, Mama Fulci’s a-meatballs, they’re-a di best eena Italy!

LUCIO FULCI: Oh, so-a now a-you no-a scared-a no more, skifozo? You just-a make sure-a the shark-a belly, she no burst-a from a-too many meataball. Now go, get inna di tank. You film-em uppa good, I give-a you some-a di leftover a-shark a-ball.  ACCIONE!

STUNTMAN: Mama Fulci’s a-meataball, here I a-come! (*kisses fingers, jumps in tank*)

After the jump: the trailer, more stills, and a list of theaters where you can see Zombie this weekend.

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Drake Doremus’ film Like Crazy won the Sundance Grand Jury Prize in January and opens in limited release this October. It stars Anton Yelchin (CURLY-HAIRED MEN ARE TAKING OVER!) and Felicity Jones as two college kids who fall in love and then struggle to maintain a relationship. They say it’s a love story, but to me it looks more like a mystery. The main mystery being “WHAT THE F*CK ARE THEY SAYING?” Seriously, I watched that twice and understood maybe 65% of the dialog.

The Grand Jury prize went to Like Crazy, starring Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones as a young couple who fall in love in college and struggle afterward to maintain a long-distance relationship. Directed and co-written by Drake Doremus (Douchebag), the film was largely improvised.
“We had a 50-page outline and rehearsed for two weeks and let things happen organically,” Doremus said. “The key was to do 30-minute takes for the five weeks we shot.”
The story is not clear-cut — intentionally.
“I wanted it to feel gray,” Doremus told a Sundance audience. “I wanted you guys to decide for yourselves.” [USAToday]

Oh boy, I can’t wait to watch a meandering narrative where I get to be the guinea pig who decides whether it’s actually about anything. Like Crazy? More like Like Lazy.

HD available at Apple.

FilmDrunk’s 2010 Lifetime Achievement Award winner Christopher Mintz-Plasse and some guy named Scott Porter are the latest actors to hop on board the upcoming indie comedy The Hand Job, which is starting to look like a “Who’s Who” of people you would expect to see attached to an indie comedy. Variety reports that in addition to Vince’s best friend Chris and that Scott dude who probably doesn’t even read FilmDrunk, the Maggie Carey-directed film also stars:

Aubrey Plaza
Alia Shawkat
Mae Whitman
Connie Britton
Dominic Dierkes
D.C. Pierson
Donald Glover
Andy Samberg
Bill Hader

Plaza stars as a nerdy (read: hipster; see also: Juno) high school student who vows to lose her virginity before she heads off to college. And as I wrote that sentence, a million pairs of skinny jeans just got a little bit tighter. Glover will play a lifeguard, which is ironic and therefore a part of the standard indie formula, and Hader will play a stoner. I wish he would play Stefon. Sad Burnsy in a skinny tie.

Variety also reports that the roles of a “gorgeous older sister” and Plaza’s “intimidating father, a conservative judge” have yet to be filled. And I will save them some time and go ahead and scribble Zooey Deschanel’s name in the sister role, and for the dad… Alec Baldwin. Maybe Tim Robbins. Either way, it will be someone who is a famous liberal mocking the conservative role. That will totally show the system. Or not. Whatever.

From co-directors Anna Bowden and Ryan Fleck (Half Nelson) comes It’s Kind of a Funny Story, based on the book by Ned Vizzini. Vizzini?  INCONCEIVABLE!

It’s Kind of a Funny Story finds a suicidal teen (played by The United States of Tara star Keir Gilchrist) checking himself into the psych ward for a minimum stay of five days. There he encounters various “wacky” types (hey, Daniel Faraday Jeremy Davies!) and, naturally, a young ingenue (boy hating Emma Roberts) ready to bring him into adulthood. But it’s Galifianakis as the de facto guide that makes the biggest impact on him and the trailer. [Movieline]

I wasn’t a fan of Half Nelson (it looked pretty, Baby Goose’s acting was great, and it had its moments, it just seemed like kind of a nothing story), and probably my least favorite premise is the protagonist-gets-sent-to-a-mental-hospital story.  Seems like every book with a male narrator from the 50s or 60s was required to have at least one mental hospital scene.  Don’t you see, man??  Society’s values were so outta whack they had to lock up everyone who didn’t think like them, maaaan!  Watch me play this bongo, man, it deflects conformists. That said, it has Zach Galifianakis, and Zach Galifianakis could stop bullets, change Coke to Pepsi, and find my f*ckin’ car keys, so you better believe I’ll be seeing the hell out of this movie.  I’d watch Zach Galifianakis take a dump. Hence why I bought these binoculars.

(*falls out of tree*)

He’s Deadpool, he’s Green Lantern, hell, even in indie movies Ryan Reynolds gets to play a superhero.  This one’s called Paper Man, from writer/directors Michele and Kieran Mulroney, and this time, Reynolds plays a bleach blond, Drop Dead Fred version of Superman, who exists only in the mind of Jeff Daniels, a struggling, middle-aged novelist who moves to Long Island for the winter to cure his writer’s block and who, get this, “has never quite grown up.”  An imaginative, immature writer as an indie flick protagonist?  You guys are nuts, it’ll never work!  But before you can say “Baumbach”, the acoustic guitars fade in and Daniels strikes up an unconventional relationship with Emma Stone, who’s, get this, wise beyond her years but emotionally wounded.  You take it from here, official synopsis:

Their tenuous, new friendship is sparked by Richard’s awe over Abby’s homemade soup and Abby’s enjoyment of Richard’s writing and his attempts at Origami. As the season progresses and the warm, quirky friendship between Richard and Abby grows, the two begin to share with each other their dreams and life hardships.  With the coming of spring, Richard and Abby discover there comes a time to let go of the imaginary friends of the past and to embrace the future as a new beginning.

Hmm, I like this as a movie, but does it perhaps also come as a scarf?

Opens in limited release April 23rd.