I always kind of thought that if any of my UPROXX family was going to make it big and become a big shot Hollywood A-lister, it was going to be Chodin, because he is quite possibly the most handsome man on the face of the planet. But then he fell off of the planet and I haven’t heard from him since I asked him for a lock of his hair, so I’m glad that it’s actually my With Leather cohort Brandon Stroud who is going to be walking the red carpet at this year’s Academy Awards and/or ESPYs for Summer League.

Ol’ B-Funk as he’s known around the playgrounds already posted about this earlier today at UPROXX’s 5th most popular search term for “Kate Upton juggery”, but I felt like it was worth sharing again, because aside from Danger Guerrero’s recent cameo on Dateline, this might be the most successful thing any of us does. As for the film, tell us what it’s all about, Greenless Studios.

Read the rest of this entry »

We’ll start this slow news day off with a little indie film news, as the Kevin Smith produced Miss December hits the Video on Demand option on your cable provider today, probably for the reasonable price of $5. Formerly known as Calendar Girl, Miss December is a comedy/horror that cleaned up pretty well at some smaller film festivals, including the Woods Hole Film Festival (Best Feature Comedy), First Glance Film Festival Philadelphia (Best in Fest), and the Hoboken International Film Festival (Best Feature Film), among others.

And that last one should explain why Kevin Smith was digging it, because JERSEY PRIDE and all that stuff. So what’s Miss December all about anyway?

Miss December is a dark romantic comedy about Ari, a young woman whose poor taste in men may be the death of her when she tries to find love with her would-be killer. The elusive Calendar Girl killer has been terrorizing the city of Philadelphia, stalking and killing a different women each month in order to complete his morose calender full of unwilling pin-ups. The year is nearly over, when a taunting letter to the press has Ari convinced that she’s destined to be Miss December and she can’t help but be a little flattered. Miss December formerly known as Calendar Girl is a fun blend of mystery, horror, and comedy that’s all about finding true love in a very inconvenient December.

More importantly, Corbin Bernsen and Gilbert Gottfried are in this film, and that’s the kind of casting vision that Hollywood’s mainstream films are lacking these days. In fact, I’d love to see Bernsen and Gottfried starring in a buddy cop flick. I’d call it Bernie and the Duck. Reginald VelJohnson would play the angry police chief and Kate Upton would play Bernsen’s lesbian daughter in her freshman year of college. Call me, Sony. I can have this written by noon.

Read the rest of this entry »

After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for the indie sci-fi flick Space Geography. But before I get to that, a little explanation of how I came upon it. In running this site, I get sent a lot of trailers for indie movies. I wish I could post all of them, but the truth is, on any given day I have about four times the amount of content that I can feasibly write about, and if I highlighted every indie film someone sent me, the site would quickly turn into a site just about indie films that people hadn’t heard of, and then people would probably stop coming to my site, and then our advertisers would drop out, and I wouldn’t make any money, and pretty soon I’d have to go get a real job, and trust me on this, you don’t want me trying to hold a regular job. I’ve done it before, and it’s just bad for society. I feel bad about not posting a lot of these, but I can’t respond to them all. Every once in a while, a person who’s sent me two or three emails without a response gets very angry about it, and I can’t say that I blame them. In fact, I kind of respect their honesty. The following is one such email.

I SENT A BUNCH OF EMAIL TO YOU ABOUT MY FILM “SPACE GEOGRAPHY” BUT YOU IGNORE ALL THEM! WHY? HOWW DO I GET YOU TO REPORT ON MY FILM?? I AM THE “LITTLE GUY” IN THE FILM WORLD. I AM STRUGGLING TO GET MY F*CKIN MOVIE FINISHED WHILE BIG-MONEY CORPORATE STUDIOS MAKE THEIR WONDER STORIES AND ALL THE MOVIES LIKE STAR TREK ETC.

I HAVE SMALL BUDGET FOR FILM. I HAVE SMALL BUDGET FOR MY SPECIAL EFFECTS. I WILL FINISH THIS AND YES! I WILL TAKE IT AS FAR TO THE TOP AS I CAN. WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE?? NOTHING!!

PLEASE ANSWER MY F*CKING MAIL. I NEED MORE PEOPLE TO SEE MY TRAILER! YOU HELP ME!

I LIVE IN MINNEAPOLIS AND THE FILM COMMUNITY SUCKS HERE. NO HELP FROM ANY OF THE AMATURE PIECES OF SH*T, AND THEY MAKE TERRIBLE MOVIES.

MY MOVIE IS A SCI-FI EPIC WITH ROMANCE, THRILLS, AVCTION, AND HORROR. I HAVE MANY TALENTED PEOPLE WORKING AND SWEATING OVER THIS, TALENTED ANIMATORS, CAMERA, EDIT, ALL THE

YOU HAVE TO WATCH MY TRAILER, POST STORY ABOUT IT, AND HELP ME OUT. I WAS KICKED OUT OF FACEBOOK, TURNED DOWN BY IMDB -I DON’T NEED THEIR CRAP! ALL GARBAGE TO ME. I AM DOING THIS ON MY OWN AND I WANT TO BE ON YOUR WEBSITE.

PUT MY TRAILER ON YOUR WEBSITE AND I WILL GIVE YOU CREDIT IN MY MOVIE

SOUND FAIR??

Long story short, I like the cut of this guy’s jib, so I’m posting the trailer below. I would like my credit to be GUY WHO RUN F*CKING WWEBSITE!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

That's not a green screen

You may not remember through the haze of booze, pills, and indiscriminate hobo sex, but back in 2008, I posted a clip of a zombie fighting a shark. This was not done through special effects, unless you consider sticking an actor inside a shark tank a special effect. The clip came from Lucio Fulci’s 1980 film Zombie — why wouldn’t you call it “Zombie Shark Fight?” Sell the sizzle, man! — and thanks to a recent re-release, you’ll be able to see it in theaters this weekend at special midnight showings in advance of its DVD and Blu-Ray release next week (October 25th, to be precise). I’ve got the list of theaters and more pictures and video after the jump.

“Fulci put a stuntman dressed as a zombie in a tank with a live shark and made them fight – it’s one of the craziest, most insane and irresponsible scenes ever put on film. This was 1980, years before CG. And the zombie wins! To this day, nobody knows how in the hell he did it, it’s simply jaw-dropping. There’s nothing you will see in any modern zombie movie that comes close to what Fulci did in 1980.” – Eli Roth. [from the press release]

Based on my extensive knowledge of racial stereotypes from the 30s, I think I can imagine it went down. (EXCLUSIVE!):

STUNTMAN: But-a mister-a Fulci, how-a Guiseppe guana fight-a di shark? My mama, she barely-a teach-a me to swim! Please, Guiseppe got-a keeds to-a feed!

LUCIO FULCI: Guiseppe! Testaduro! How many-a time Lucio guana tell-a you? You dona a-gotta FIGHT-a di shark, you-a just-a gotta SWEEM with-a di shark. The shark, she wont-a even-a be-a hungry. We fill-em uppa good, with-a my mama’s a-meataballs!

STUNTMAN: …With-a… you mama‘s a-meataballs? Mamma mia! Everyone-a know, Mama Fulci’s a-meatballs, they’re-a di best eena Italy!

LUCIO FULCI: Oh, so-a now a-you no-a scared-a no more, skifozo? You just-a make sure-a the shark-a belly, she no burst-a from a-too many meataball. Now go, get inna di tank. You film-em uppa good, I give-a you some-a di leftover a-shark a-ball.  ACCIONE!

STUNTMAN: Mama Fulci’s a-meataball, here I a-come! (*kisses fingers, jumps in tank*)

After the jump: the trailer, more stills, and a list of theaters where you can see Zombie this weekend.

Read the rest of this entry »

Drake Doremus’ film Like Crazy won the Sundance Grand Jury Prize in January and opens in limited release this October. It stars Anton Yelchin (CURLY-HAIRED MEN ARE TAKING OVER!) and Felicity Jones as two college kids who fall in love and then struggle to maintain a relationship. They say it’s a love story, but to me it looks more like a mystery. The main mystery being “WHAT THE F*CK ARE THEY SAYING?” Seriously, I watched that twice and understood maybe 65% of the dialog.

The Grand Jury prize went to Like Crazy, starring Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones as a young couple who fall in love in college and struggle afterward to maintain a long-distance relationship. Directed and co-written by Drake Doremus (Douchebag), the film was largely improvised.
“We had a 50-page outline and rehearsed for two weeks and let things happen organically,” Doremus said. “The key was to do 30-minute takes for the five weeks we shot.”
The story is not clear-cut — intentionally.
“I wanted it to feel gray,” Doremus told a Sundance audience. “I wanted you guys to decide for yourselves.” [USAToday]

Oh boy, I can’t wait to watch a meandering narrative where I get to be the guinea pig who decides whether it’s actually about anything. Like Crazy? More like Like Lazy.

HD available at Apple.