I hope no one missed out on the new South Park last night because it was f-ing amazing.  The main subplot was Stan and Kyle trying to press charges against Steven Spielberg and George Lucas for raping Indiana Jones.  If you missed it you’re pretty much like the kid in school whose lame hippie parents won’t buy a TV.  But today you’re in luck because Comedy Central has the whole episode online here. If I were you I would watch it right now in case your boss starts talking about it and then decides to give your promotion to someone else because they get his references.  I mean, that’s what I imagine having a real job is like.  Maybe I’ve been doing this too long.

^{Look, George, did you see the kitty, George?  There’s a kitty over there, George.  Wanna go pet the kitty later, George?}

The last Indiana Jones was a travesty on the order of Episode I and anyone who put their name on it should be embarrassed.  But monkey army or no monkey army, George Lucas doesn’t get embarrassed because he’s autistic.  And he’s seriously thinking about doing Indiana Jones 5 because he eats money for fuel.  Said Harrison Ford to the L.A. Times in a recent article:

“It’s crazy but great,” the 66-year-old Ford said [of Lucas’ idea for the next Indy movie]. “George is in think mode right now.”

meep meep morp,  i am in think mode, meep morp. feed me more money meep meep morp. meep morp, idea 1 meep morp: opens in desert with family of gophers, morp morp.

“It’s automatic, really, we did well with the last one and with that having done well and been a positive experience [I assume he means for the people who made money on the movie because he can’t be talking about anyone who actually saw it.], it’s not surprising that some people want to do it again,” Ford said.

I asked Ford who specifically is stirring up the idea of another revival, whether it was Lucas, Spielberg or the star himself? “Really, it comes from the ethos, from the ether. It’s natural. It’s a way of nature, of course, success breeds opportunities … also we don’t stay as closely in contact as have in the last year, that’s part of it.”

That’s right, Bob.  Me, George, Raven my spirit guide, Steven, and Chim Chim the Reincarnated Parakeet Buddha were all surprisingly in agreement on this one.  The Universe says Daddy needs a new private jet and the Universe doesn’t care how many green screen waterfall sequences we have to film to get it.  It’s something I’ve done a lot of meditating about.

No matter how many horrendous turds he plops out, ol’ Jabba the Autistic still gets asked about unnecessary sequels for his various franchises.  This time a Newsweek writer sat down with Lucas to discuss the possibility of a fifth Indiana Jones, presumably over a plate of tasty cats.

When they asked about the future of the franchise, Lucas told them that he has no plans of turning it over to Shia LaBeouf’s character Mutt Williams, as some thought might happen:  "He is Indiana Jones," Lucas said of (Harrison) Ford. "If Indiana Jones wasn’t in it, you’d have to call it ‘Mutt Williams and the search for Elvis.’ … "Yeah, it’s ‘Mutt Williams and the Search for Elvis.’"

Good one, Rain Man.  Repeat it again for emphasis, maybe it’ll be funny this time.

"The franchise really depends on me coming up with a good idea," Lucas said. "And that series is very research-intensive. So we’re doing research now to see if we can’t come up with another object for him to chase … hopefully we’ll come up with something."

It was then the interviewer noticed a copy of Lucas’ Encyclopedia Britannica sitting on the table open to “Monkeys”, dog-eared to “Leading army through the trees of”. *DUN DUNT DUNNNN!*

[via ComingSoon] 

CNN recently did a story on unusual names, like siblings Dow and Indiana Jones here.

Indiana Elizabeth Jones shared her story with the iReport community, and we spoke with her mother, Jennifer Jones. The Port Deposit, Maryland, resident says Indiana got her name simply because her husband’s family is from that state.

See? It’s okay, they named her after the state, not the movie.  That would’ve been retarded.

As for Dow Joseph Jones, there was serious talk of naming him Jack Ryan Jones, to keep the Harrison Ford theme. Instead, her husband named their son Dow on a dare while Jennifer was asleep in the hospital bed after giving birth.

A dare is like a bet with no prize for winning, so I can totally see how it’d be the basis for naming a child.

She said she cried when she found out and even thought about having Dow’s name changed. CNN.com asked users to share their unusual names after a 9-year-old New Zealand girl named Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii won the right to change her name.

It seems like cheating on her with a high school chick would be a far more gratifying way of making your wife cry, but that’s just me.  And of course, the article wouldn’t be complete without the mention of celebrities, the undisputed kings of giving kids retarded names.

Take boxer George Foreman’s children, all named George. (Or actor Jason Lee’s son, Pilot Inspektor, or comedian Penn Jillette’s daughter, Moxie CrimeFighter.)

Moxie. CrimeFighter.  Not only is her name CrimeFighter, she has to explain to people that the F is capitalized.  In this case, I think Penn’s magic trick will be making it another five years without getting his throat slit in his sleep.

The script Frank Darabont wrote for a fourth Indiana Jones (the one George Lucas supposedly threw out after Spielberg and Harrison Ford approved it) has been floating around the web, showing up in different places and then getting pulled like my wang does.  I haven’t had the time or inclination to find and read it, but the fine folks at G4 TV did and even posted a review.  Darabont’s version was called Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods which should give you a hint about which one was better.

This script is awesome in exactly the places that Crystal Skull was lame. Just those few flips in the sequence removed all of the punch from this really excellent, well thought out, super exciting script, and rendered it vacuous and boring. In other words, Spielberg and Lucas chose the right story, but they neutered it to focus on the wrong things.

Perhaps the biggest difference in the script is the treatment of Marion Ravenwood. First off, she doesn’t spend the entirety of the story standing in the background grinning like she’s happy to have a job. She’s the Marion we came to know and love in Raiders of the Lost Ark, and her story arc is so much more believable in this script that it’s a night-and-day experience.

Definitely check out the review – it’s interesting and informative all the way through.  The Darabont script sounds good.  It’s just too bad George Lucas didn’t think it had enough flying and magic.  Instead of having him be Executive Producer they should’ve just bought him a toy train set and a hat that says Conductor.

UPDATE: Supposedly it’s still available here if you can navigate the site in French. (Thanks to Erik)