The New Zealand branch of Stuff Magazine reports that Indiana Jones 5 will be about the Bermuda Triangle and go “back to the franchise’s roots.”  The whole report sounds dubious, as it’s full of unattributed generalities and quotes from unnamed sources, but for what it’s worth…

Indiana Jones 5 will begin shooting next year, and much of the plot line will be centred around the Bermuda Triangle.
Harrison Ford’s final outing as Indiana Jones will be “emotional and exciting” as the franchise heads back to its roots after a badly received fourth instalment.
Movie bosses have assured fans the film will stay true to the series’ roots, and won’t contain lots of state-of-the-art special effects.
“Shia LaBeouf has a central role again as Indy’s son but this will be a blockbuster made in the old fashioned way rather than the CGI efforts of the last movie,” the source added.

These “movie bosses”… would they include Steven Spielberg or George Lucas?  Because George Lucas loves CGI.  He loves CGI more than people.  He loves it more than his own family.  George Lucas loves CGI more than he loves luring neighborhood cats into his neck pouch and then slowly digesting them with his stomach fluids.  But sure, whatever you say, Stuff Magazine New Zealand.  Indiana Jones 5 will be classic movie making, with no CGI just like you remember, and you’ll be able to build a house in your idealized childhood and live there forever with your dog, Spot, who left to go live on your uncle’s ranch when you were 12.

In related news, “Bermuda Triangle” is one of my favorite pubic hair styles, just after Brazilian, Landing Strip, and Cincinnati Hair Diaper.

(Yoda Dog, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Indy Dog attend the funny hat convention in New Mexico.)

Harrison Ford recently spoke with the BBC about Indiana Jones 5 *queef*, saying “Steven [Spielberg] and George [Lucas] and I are sort of agreed on a germ of an idea and we’re seeing what comes of it.”  Well jeez, I hope it’s a good one.  Last time George Lucas said he had an idea, the neighborhood cats went missing.

Harrison Ford, 67, says despite coming up with an idea for the movie, people won’t see the finished product for some time.  “The process works like this,” he said. “We come to some basic agreement and then George goes away for a long time and works on it. Then Steven and I get it in some form, some embryonic form.  Then if we like it we start working with George on it and at some point down the line it’s ready and we do it.”

“Embryonic form,” you say?  Yeah, I think I can imagine how this goes down:

LUCAS: CAN THERE BE PRAIRIE DOGS?

SPIELBERG: Yes, George, of course.  Big, fuzzy ones, in every color.  Great job.  Here, go play with this bouncy ball.

LUCAS: YAY!

Harrison Ford recently said he’s happy to play Indiana Jones in a fifth Indiana Jones movie “if the script is good.”

“The story for the new Indiana Jones is in the process of taking form. Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I’ll be very happy to put the costume on again.” [FoxNews]

At which point the reporter asked, “Just to clarify, did you mean using a snake for a rope good, Shia LaBeouf swinging through the trees with a monkey army good, groundhog-reaction-shot good, nuking the fridge good, or just, like, 67-year-old man wearing a pirate earring good?”