Wow, there are some turkeys opening this week, folks.  I’m going to continue to recommend Up, Anvil, and The Hurt Locker.  Nonetheless, OPENING THIS WEEKEND:

The Ugly Truth
Katherine Heigl stars in an intelligence-insulting rom-com.  If you’ve seen the orgasm scene and you’re still considering seeing this, congratulations, I hate you.  Wanna save yourself 10 bucks?  Just look at the two pictures above back and forth really fast as you gradually lose the will to live.

G-Force
Fart jokes in the trailer, y’all!  Speaking of two pictures that communicate an entire movie, the best part of the press tour for this one was Nic Cage looking like this:

…while sitting next to this: 

Orphan
SECRET DWARF HOOKER!!!  Need I say more?  I actually kind of want to see this now.  …Hold me.

In the Loop
I haven’t covered this one much because the trailer bugged the living hell out of me.  But I’m told part of the reason for that is that the movie has an epic amount of swearing in it and is actually quite good.  I can’t confirm that it’s good, but I love swearing.  Check out this speech by Patton.  Now there was a guy who could swear.

In the Loop may be an annoying movie, but definitely has an annoying trailer. Possibly the most annoying trailer.  It’s just two and a half minutes of out-of-context one liners set to music.  I watched it, and now I have a nervous twitch and epilepsy.  Here’s the IMDB synopsis:

The US President and UK Prime Minister fancy a war. But not everyone agrees that war is a good thing. The US General Miller doesn’t think so and neither does the British Secretary of State for International Development, Simon Foster. But, after Simon accidentally backs military action on TV, he suddenly has a lot of friends in Washington, DC. If Simon can get in with the right DC people, if his entourage of one can sleep with the right intern, and if they can both stop the Prime Minister’s chief spin-doctor Malcolm Tucker rigging the vote at the UN, they can halt the war. If they don’t… well, they can always sack their Director of Communications Judy, who they never liked anyway and who’s back home dealing with voters with blocked drains and a man who’s angry about a collapsing wall.

Would’ve been nice if I could’ve gotten any of that from the trailer.  Instead, it was like I really wanted to know what their sandwich tasted like, but instead of giving me a bite they just kept hitting me in the face with it.  Same game I used to play with the blind kid.

Sidenote: The blue-eyed chick who looks familiar is the little girl from My Girl. [via Videogum]